I don't want to record a podcast this week and it got me thinking about what do we do when we are not in the mood?

Why do we really procrastinate (hint: we don't procrastinate tasks, we procrastinate feelings that those texts bring up).

In this week's podcast, I talk about sharing one true thing and getting to know the variations in my "I don't want tos." I don't want to talk about this, but I will.

I also throw out the idea of being our best selves and replace it with an invitation to be our mediocre selves. Will you join me there? 

I wandered through a farmers market and started to question if I should live a life like this.

In this episode, I talk about how many of us tell ourselves what we want is the thing (the body, the house, the relationship, the job title), but what we really want is the wanting itself: to feel connected to the sense of possibility that the wanting provides.

Listen in to hear about how I've shifted my relationship to wanting (Hint, it's being willing to have what I have) and the finding out that wanting is always different than having. 

What happens when we hold a mirror up to one another and don't like the reflection?

My husband and I get into how we've learned to express shame and anger in a way that fosters connection instead of ruptures it.

We learned that perfectionism is just trying to prevent us from feeling shame, but what do we do when shame and anger are present and hot, prompting us to lash out, shut down, or run away?

We get into the things we feel shame about--finances, sexual attractions, grey hair. Listen in this week, we really "go there."

In this episode, my husband joins me to discuss how we fought in the past and how we fight differently now.

This is one of the best episodes yet--I use my lens as a couples therapist to get real about how we remain disconnected, when we really want to be close, and what I had to do to get the intimacy that I so craved. Hint: It had a lot to do with how I was showing up, even though I wanted to blame him. 

Esther Perel says in every relationship, there's someone who is more afraid of losing themselves and someone who is more afraid of losing the relationship.

In this episode, I share about how I went from being the person afraid of being alone to the person who is more afraid of not being myself.

I explore the fear of being alone and why we busy ourselves to avoid it, along with how we sneakily avoid our pain points by placing them in our parents and friends.

I offer up a way to come back home to yourself.

There I said it,

Sometimes choosing health is the boring thing to do. My biggest fear was settling and not living the biggest juiciest life. And yet, what if our biggest fear is what we need?

Listen in as I talk about data on choice, why we shouldn’t strive to not be triggered, and differentiate between complacency and contentment.

Many times we tell ourselves we are "torn," to avoid having to sit with the fear of making the decision we know we need to make.

I share about a difficult choice point in my life, how I went toward my fear, and explore we want to know WHY before we take the leap.

I also share a song that helped me lean into the sorrow, without the why, and share some of that sorrow with all of you. 

We choose what's familiar, not what is best for us.

We enact dynamics that remind us of childhood and the emotions that we felt the most, not the ones we want to feel.

Listen is as I talk about my compulsivity toward drama and high intensity experiences and what data is saying about the relationship between the increase in anxiety and the decrease in the willingness to fuck up.

Why do women, including myself in the past, hate their bellies no matter the size?

As a therapist of nearly a decade, I have noticed it's the number 1 body part women wish was different. This episode is about what ancient wisdom and feminist psychotherapy says about the belly and what is so scary about "trusting our guts."

I share about my journey toward being tender to this space in a culture that has told me to hate it

(if I rage against myself then I will not rage against the system that makes me dislike myself).

I wanted to be seen, but I didn't want people to know about the wanting.

What is it about revealing effort and desperation that feels so wrong?

Come join me as I explore the underpinnings of human desperation, the desire to be seen, and how we play peekaboo as adults--showing the parts of ourselves that actually conceal the parts that we wish others would see.