Untaming Masculinity

We all have failed at something. We have failed at a lot of things. We fail constantly. Regardless of our circumstances, we all can look back at a history of failure.

However, even though we all fail, we have been told that failure is wrong and that “failure is not an option.” We have been conditioned to believe that failing at something makes you a failure.

The fact is that failure is necessary, and it is good. Failure is an opportunity to learn, grow, and progress. We cannot become the men we strive to become without experiencing and learning from failure. Failure allows us to iterate, to learn, and to course correct. It helps us understand and genuinely appreciate our triumphs.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss failure and why we need to fail. They recount examples where they failed and how that failure allowed them to achieve victory. They also talk about why you should not be afraid of failing and how failing will help you become a stronger, more capable man.

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Inertia – 1. a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged; 2. a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force.

We, as men, can often find ourselves in a state of inertia. Whether it’s due to sitting on the couch for the last few years or being unhappy through constant poor choices, we often find ourselves in a state of inertia.

We must make a decision to do something about it. We must be willing to push past the fear and pride that don’t want us to get started. The pride of dwelling on who we once were interfering with us working to become what we can be or being afraid to take the first step in repairing your marriage is destructive. If you are unwilling to do something about it, you will stay exactly where you are. You will suffer.

Starting somewhere can be difficult. But it is absolutely necessary.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the concept of initial inertia and starting from where you are. They both discuss situations from their past they learned to work through and how doing so made them better men and happier men. Also, Dan makes an impassioned plea to men to learn to be happy for themselves, which will, in turn, benefit the lives of those around them.

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In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan has a fireside discussion with our friends Andy Musser and Jake Everett about their backpacking adventure attempting the Pemi Loop in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

The trip quickly went sideways with adverse weather conditions, and the guys share their experiences of what they experienced together, setting out on this challenging adventure. They found themselves in a near hypothermic downpour and spent a bone-chillingly frigid night in a wooden shelter. Despite some minor injuries along the way, they accomplished something incredible together as men and brothers.

 They close out this fascinating discussion by discussing some incredible lessons they learned about Mother Nature, themselves, and what men are capable of. 

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Adventure – an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity

We often discuss the need for adventure and doing hard things, especially physically. A complacent, comfortable man is rarely a man who is thriving in his marriage, his career, or his life.

As Matt Reynolds discussed in our conversation with him, a man needs voluntary hardship. Choosing hardship in the physical realm is one of the catalysts to a successful man, and furthermore, hardship with your brothers is something that defines a man and something he will look back on fondly.

As we take time to plan adventures that introduce a level of hardship, risk, and adventure, we learn something about ourselves that will help forge our legacy.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss Dan’s upcoming backpacking trip in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and how Dan mentally and physically prepared himself for the adventure. The guys also spend some time talking about how taking risks and seeking adventure are not only important for a man but vital.

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Hardship – severe suffering or privation

We here at Untaming Masculinity find ourselves talking about training and working out a lot. Men who work out and lift heavy things tend to accomplish a great deal, and there is a correlation between lifting and masculinity.

The question, therefore, becomes why working out and lifting weights pay so many dividends. How can lifting and barbell training not only make you a more capable man but a better one?

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad have the pleasure of being joined by Matt Reynolds. Matt is the founder and CEO of Barbell Logic, an elite-level powerlifter and professional strongman. In this hard-hitting and incredibly powerful interview, Matt talks about how he got started in the fitness industry, and how he transitioned from a powerlifter to a strength coach to a CEO, and the many lessons he has learned along the way.

He shares the story of how lifting weights helped his body transform physically and how the mental and emotional changes he saw were revolutionary. Consistent barbell training resulted in a confidence that allowed him to carry himself well and how he’s helped guide the thousands of people he has helped since.

The guys also dive into the concept of the value of strength training and how that shapes our masculine identities. We have a calling as men to be masculine. We are called to be strong. We need to be strong enough to handle what life throws at us.

You will leave this episode motivated and inspired to be a better, more capable man.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS

• “Voluntary hardship” makes you better.
• The days that shape your masculinity and identity are when you get up, don’t have it, or don’t want to work.
• Choosing to find a way or make one.
• Being a father to daughters and how we are the lens through which our daughters view the world.
• Choosing motivation and making the choice to act NOW.
• Strength training helps supplement us when it comes to protecting and providing.

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CONTACT MATT

• Instagram
• Twitter

CONTACT BARBELL LOGIC

• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook
• Twitter
• YouTube

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Barbecue – a meal or gathering at which meat, fish, or other food is cooked out of doors on a rack over an open fire or on a portable grill

Sometimes we must hit rock bottom to realize that we must change our lives. For some of us, rock bottom literally comes at the bottom of a pile getting wailed on.

In these moments of fear, we have to make a decision. Will we continue living the directionless life that got us there, or will we take the necessary steps to become the men we are destined to be?

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by their friend James Percival. James is a husband, a team leader in the Iron Council, and the owner of Percy’s Barbecue. In this powerful conversation, James discusses life in a motorcycle club and his decision to change his life and focus on serving others through faith, example, and good barbecue.

James shares some powerful examples of why barbecue brings folks together and how men sitting shoulder to shoulder at a dinner table, in a hunting blind, or at church leads to powerful conversation. He also discusses how men often run from these powerful conversations and why opening up to other men and seeing that you aren’t alone in your struggles is life-changing.

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Follow James

• Instagram
• Website

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Romance – to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery

One of the things that many men struggle with is the ability to romance their woman in a way that is meaningful to her and to restore romance to their relationship.

As John Eldridge clearly outlines in his seminal work “Wild At Heart,” every man needs a beauty to rescue. Learning to fight for the Beauty is not only one of man’s core passions, it is one of life’s greatest joys.

However, the key to romancing your woman is not putting her on a pedestal or being subservient to her. It’s a natural give and take in serving each other, not because you’re compelled to, but because you want to. It’s learning not to give to get or to fall into covert contracts.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss how you can create a dynamic, thriving romantic relationship with the woman in your life. They share insights (and mistakes) made along the way and why learning to truly give and show affection in a way that is meaningful to her makes all the difference.

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Resources

• The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
• Wild At Heart (John Eldredge)

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Life – the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death

Many men have thought about hiring a personal trainer or a coach to dial in their nutrition or step it up in the gym. However, the benefits of hiring a coach go well beyond the gym and the kitchen.

Simply making the effort to go to the gym or eat well isn’t hard. However, executing on that requires resiliency and consistent execution. It requires diving into your psyche and making changes. While we may think we can do this on our own, we often need someone to help us get the ball rolling.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by their friend Ryan Murray. Ryan is an online fitness and nutrition coach who owns Uplift Coaching, which started in 2021. In this wide-ranging conversation, Ryan talks about how he transformed himself from a man struggling with depression and anxiety to one who created a business to improve the lives of others.

Ryan discusses the concept that when a man goes to the gym, he sets out to pick up heavy stuff and put it down repeatedly. With that, you turn your mind off but think about everything simultaneously, and the results are freeing.

As you do the things that most men are not doing today, you will find yourself.

Other topics discussed include:

• Why a man must make his health a priority
• How life is a series of failures, we learn from
• The concept that life happens in the middle

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Contact Ryan

• Instagram
• Facebook – Uplift Coaching

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Code of Conduct – a set of rules outlining the norms, rules, and responsibilities or proper practices of an individual party or an organization.

This week we revisit one of our favorite episodes – a deep dive into creating your own personal code of conduct. We hope you enjoy it and look forward to new episodes next week!

Too many men wander aimlessly through life without a direction or without the focus needed to become what they are meant to truly become. That lack of direction can have devastating effects.

Learning focus and direction comes from understanding who you are and what you’re all about. That understanding is obtained through establishing terms of engagement for yourself in any circumstance, or in other words, a code.

As Jocko so succinctly states in The Code. The Evaluation. The Protocols: “We can prevail over mediocracy. We do that by chasing the ideal. Our ideal. An ideal that we must define. An ideal that we must codify in no uncertain terms so that we know what we are striving for. We must have a code to follow.”

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad take a look into what it means to create a code for yourself and why having one is so crucial.

A code should speak to your soul and compels you to action, so as a result, it is intensely personal. It should not be taken lightly and deserves real time and investment in creating.

The guys share some tips on creating a code for yourself, writing one out, and making the conscious decision to live by this code every single day, no matter the circumstances. They also end the episode by sharing their personal codes of conduct, which provide them with the direction and clarity they need daily.

Show Notes

• The Code. The Evaluation. The Protocols: Striving to Become an Eminently Qualified Human – Jocko Willink, Dave Berke, Sarah Armstrong
• Sovereignty: The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men – Ryan Michler
• “The Power of Uncomfortable Truths with Sean Whalen” – Order of Man Podcast
• “Episode 84. The Discipline Code” – Real AF with Andy Frisella Podcast
• “Forging Your Own Path with Mat Best” – Order of Man Podcast
• “The Churchill School of Adulthood – Lesson #1: Develop a Mighty Moral Code” – The Art of Manliness Podcast
• “The Pursuit with Pete Roberts” – Order of Man Podcast

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Prioritization – the action or process of deciding the relative importance or urgency of a thing or things.

Life is busy. We find ourselves being hit from multiple angles with various tasks with varying degrees of urgency. Keeping all of these tasks organized and prioritized can be a challenge. While many tools and resources have been developed to help us stay on task, few are more well-known than the Eisenhower Matrix.

The Eisenhower Matrix is a tool that originated with President Dwight D. Eisenhower, which he designed to help him prioritize and deal with the many issues he dealt with as an Army general, the commander of NATO, and ultimately, as President of the United States. It’s a simple matrix with importance on the y-axis and urgency on the x-axis, yielding powerful results.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss how utilizing the Eisenhower matrix has helped them stay on top of tasks and commitments. They also talk about how you can distinguish between what is urgent and important and why learning to see the bigger picture is critical when handling what comes next. They share examples and tactics to help you personally and professionally and explain why the secret to success stems from learning how to delegate.

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Resources

• The Eisenhower Matrix: How to prioritize your to-do list
• Avoid the “Urgency Trap” with the Eisenhower Matrix
• Eisenhower Matrix – Overview, History, and Categories

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