Untaming Masculinity

Ask – Say something in order to obtain an answer or some information.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad field questions from listeners in their monthly ASK ME ANYTHING. If you have any questions you would like to ask the guys in a future AMA, post them on Instagram (@untamingmasculinity) or in the Untaming Masculinity Facebook Group.

Show Highlights

• As men, most of us have pain and trauma that helped shape us into who we are now. How do we handle that pain?
• What advice would you give a new dad?
• How do you handle a dominating or domineering parent?

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Opinion – a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge

We all have opinions.  Whether it’s an opinion on politics, sports, or which handgun is best for self-defense. However, we all too often find that our opinions can get us into trouble. Namely, because we feel this incessant need to share our opinion about everything with everyone.

While having an opinion is natural, sharing your opinion isn’t always the best course of action. If you share your opinion with someone who sits on the other side of the aisle as you politically, it can quickly devolve into an argument that will only result in hostility, resentment, and tension. How does that serve you as a man?

All too often, we find that we just want to win or find ourselves being dismissive of the opinions of others. While we may believe that our opinion is the right one, we far too often forget that the other person feels the same way about theirs. Arguing over who is right rarely gets the outcome you think will come.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss why it’s not always necessary to share your opinion.  While you may be passionate about something, it’s important to understand what you’re after and that it’s sometimes necessary to keep that to yourself. They also discuss the importance of having honest, respectful conversations with those with whom you may not see eye to eye.

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Spark – 1. a small fiery particle thrown off from a fire, alight in ashes, or produced by striking together two hard surfaces such as stone or metal.; 2. a trace of a specified quality or intense feeling

Have you ever watched a Cam Hanes video and thought to yourself, “I want to try that”? Or wanted to go hunting, but have been hesitant to be the old guy in hunter’s safety? Maybe you’ve wanted to try your hand at fly fishing, but simply don’t know where to begin.

Odds are many men reading this can comfortably say yes to any of those scenarios. Whether it’s the fear of spending money on something we’re not sure we’ll love, telling ourselves that we don’t know anyone who could help us with it, or simply telling ourselves we’re too busy or too old to start, we run excuses through our heads constantly.

We live in a world filled with adventure with so many incredible things to explore. Now, someone is setting out on helping men (and women) to introduce themselves to these incredible adventures to hopefully light a spark within.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad welcome back their friend Clint McInnes to talk about his new venture, Spark Adventures. Spark Adventures is a company that has one objective: to introduce more people to the world of the outdoors and hopefully light that spark within.

Clint discusses how he took an uncommon path later in his life to fall in love with the outdoors, hunting, and fishing, and how this passion has made him a better man. He talks about how he wants to give back to those around him by finding someone who has never held a fly-fishing rod before and putting them out into the wild where they can experience the thrill of catching their first fish. Or putting a bow in someone’s hands and experiencing the thrill of hitting the target with an arrow for the first time.

Any purchase made on Spark Adventures prior to April 26, 2023, enters you into a giveaway where you could win an all-expenses paid fly fishing trip to Utah. This is an opportunity to buy cool merchandise and potentially win a life-changing trip that could easily light a spark within.

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Contact Clint

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Contact Spark Adventures

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Ego – a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance

Our ego is often the enemy.  In the book “Ego Is the Enemy,” Ryan Holiday states the following:

As we work on ourselves, we often hit these checkpoints where we convince ourselves that we no longer need to improve. That we are killing it and that we deserve a break. In those moments of complacency, we stop getting the results we want and all too often look back to see ourselves regressing.

Whether it’s a conscious or subconscious decision to let off the gas, stagnation can be destructive and undo our work. So the question becomes; why do we let this happen? What can we do to get back on track?

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the destructive nature of ego. They share experiences in which they found themselves easing up and share what they had to do to get back on track. They also talk about the importance of introducing discomfort in your life to keep you focused and moving forward. Additionally, they talk about how things such as gamification can keep you progressing.

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“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone . . .” – John 8:7

We, as men, are fallible creatures. We make mistakes, and some of them have dire consequences. When we fall, we must be held accountable for our actions.

However, when a man has fallen or lost his way, it’s critical not to throw stones in glass houses. Holding a man accountable is not ridiculing him or belittling him. Don’t kick him when he’s down. Don’t make a show of his failures for your own personal clout or to “one up” him.

When a man is reeling, offer a hand up. Support him. And yes, hold him accountable. He has to know that what he has done is not okay, but he also has to know that what he has done is in the past and that his story is not yet written.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss why you must not kick a man when he’s down. They discuss current events and why dunking on someone is not the answer. They also get into the necessity of having a group of men in your life that will hold you accountable and lift you up when you need it, and why having that is paramount for any man.

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Risk Mitigation – the practice of reducing the impact of potential risks by developing a plan to manage, eliminate, or limit setbacks as much as possible

Most people know Tom Brady as the greatest QB and winner in NFL history. Few remember that he was the backup QB to a former #1 overall pick and multiple-time Pro Bowl QB, Drew Bledsoe, who had signed what was, at the time, the biggest deal in NFL history. Brady was thrust into a starting role after Bledsoe sustained an injury early in the 2001 season. Because the New England Patriots had a full bench, the rest became history.

In business and in life, we find ourselves in positions where we need someone to step in for us, whether due to promotion, leaving the company, time away, injury, etc. When those moments strike, do we have someone who can come in and not skip a beat? Additionally, are our teams where they need to be so we can delegate responsibilities and grow ourselves? Neither of these opportunities are possible if we don’t have a full bench.

Building a full bench will benefit you in any situation, both personally and professionally. Not only will it benefit you, but it will benefit the individual members of your team, as you are putting them in situations to grow and progress. If you find yourself in a position where you don’t have a full bench, you’ll be in trouble. So, it’s critical to get to work in building one.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad talk about the concept of having a full bench and why making yourself replaceable is necessary. They share personal and professional experiences and insight on how having succession plans and fallbacks is crucial and why you must get them in place. They also discuss ways to think outside the box if you feel you may not have a full bench and why taking calculated risks can pay huge dividends.

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Adventure – an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity

How often do we tell ourselves that we don’t have enough time or that we are too old to do something we’ve always wanted to do? How often have we put off an adventure because we’re “responsible?”

When you put off that snowboarding trip or that whitewater rafting adventure, you are doing yourself much more than a disservice; you are impacting your masculine nature.

As John Eldridge so eloquently says:

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss why men need adventure and why you should say yes to taking advantage of it. Dan shares the story of a recent impromptu snowboarding trip with his buddies to Vermont that would have been something he would have said no to in the past. The guys also discuss how taking the leap and embarking on adventures like this will help you feel alive and how it will only benefit your life but the lives of your wife and children. You are much more capable as a husband and a father when you feel truly alive.

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Emotion – a feeling such as happiness, love, fear, anger, or hatred, which can be caused by the situation that you are in or the people you are with.

This week we revisit one of our favorite episodes – an interview with the host of Fiscally Savage, Dylan Bain! We hope you guys enjoy it and look forward to getting back to new episodes next week!

The relationship men have with money can be a difficult one. Limiting self-beliefs prevent so many men from doing more than they are currently doing. Their financial well-being is on the back burner due to fear, complacency, or simply feeling unworthy. Taking the leap of faith and showing courage is far too often neglected, and the results can be devastating.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad are joined by Dylan Bain. Dylan is a corporate CPA, a world-class financial coach, and the host of the Fiscally Savage Podcast.

Dylan shares his remarkable story of walking away from a teaching job where he was barely getting by, living on food stamps, to getting his MBA and becoming a corporate CPA for one of the big four accounting firms. He talks about how he could rise above his struggles and failures along the way simply because he was unwilling to lose sight of the vision that he had for his family and himself. This vision of having the big house with his kids playing in the yard and steaks on the grill got him through the darkest times. Despite tough situations like his MBA program being (temporarily, thanks to him) canceled and multiple people telling him he was too old, he kept moving forward with remarkable determination and grit. You’ll hear Dylan share in incredible detail how that resiliency has made him an unstoppable force.

Dylan also discusses the battle that men face when it comes to their finances and how learning to understand your emotions with your finances can help direct your future. When you learn to understand yourself and address your relationship with money, you can begin to dictate the terms of your future.

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Victor – one that defeats an enemy or opponent

We are not victims. In a world where too many people use victimhood as a badge of honor, it’s the men who do not allow themselves to play the victim card who ultimately achieve victory.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, the guys are joined by Ben Kjar. Ben was born with Crouzon’s syndrome, which is a craniofacial anomaly. As a boy, doctors told him he would live a different life, but he did not allow that to define him.
Ben has gone on to become an NCAA Division 1 Wrestling All-American, a highly successful real estate investor, a house flipper, and an international professional speaker. Most importantly, he has also become a husband and a father of three young children. Throughout his life, he has adopted a Victim over Victor mindset and shared this message worldwide.

In this inspiring, fiery conversation, Ben discusses how his mindset was forged at a young age by a loving mother who would not allow him to feel sorry for himself. He discusses how this has led him to consciously make the decision daily to look himself in the mirror and be proud of the man staring back at him.

Ben talks about understanding his core values, which he calls his 6 F’s (you’ll have to listen to learn all six!). He goes into how these 6 F’s have developed his mindset to enrich his life and allowed him to positively impact countless others positively.

This is the story of a man who made the decision not to allow what may have seemed to be an unfair hand to derail him but rather to springboard him to an abundant, successful life.

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Follow Ben

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Stupid – having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense

As men, we are all guilty of doing stupid shit. While most of us have done more dumb things than we care to admit, there are consequences to making bad decisions. If we are continuously making bad choices, those consequences can be devastating.

There is a saying: play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Too often, we find ourselves playing stupid games; every time we do, it’s by choice. Our conscience sounds the alarm prior to us dipping our toe into those waters, but as most any guy can attest, we don’t always heed that warning. The prizes that result from these conscious decisions are never worth it.

What we so easily ignore is that the small missteps we take now can lead to those stupid prizes down the line. We must consistently choose to do the right thing, even if it may seem difficult.

In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad discuss the dangers of continually doing stupid shit. They share personal and second-hand examples of why playing stupid games will always result in stupid prizes. They also take the time to discuss why it’s important not to let smaller bad decisions snowball and adversely impact your life.

The guys discuss the importance of making the right choices and how you can better heed the warning signs before you do something you regret.

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