Vanity Project split up! Last week a scene war was waged. One audience was divided over two venues. In a single evening more than sixteen tortured poets sang their sonnets (Jerk Off Instructions) between the Nicholson Building of Haymarket and the barren art school campus of Paddington.

As dutiful correspondents, Charles and Laura attended the two events in order to bring you this very special coverage. In the east, Laura reported from Syd's first Fatal Crush for the new issue of Framework: Return. Meanwhile, in Chinatown, Charles arrived at the scene of Flower Books latest event, presented by Lily at RTTS.Land. Who is more tortured? Does anybody still use a typewriter? What follows are the eyewitness accounts of two departments unfurling...

After their controversial municipal polemic Sex Sydney vs. Neuter Naarm, Vanity Project cross the pacific to form a definitive thesis about Los Angeles. Vanity Project look beyond Tinseltown and towards Nowhere. Sitting at erewhoN sipping on their Kin Euphorics, Vanity Project make like Baudrillard with their inciscive treatise on LA County. America has a problem, and the problem is… Nowhere is safe in LA.

A hypothetical hyperreal trip to Gay Obese Disneyland leads Vanity Project straight back to Azealia Banks. It would seem that Miss Cheapy was right once again, ashwaganda and sea moss are the only road to wellness in food apartheid California.

"You see, the difference between us and them is that they are corn-fed and we are grass-fed,” Laura explains fatty deposits to Charles as they board the plane to LAX. Welcome to the land of fame excess! There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, they chant to the click of the new tasers they picked up at Santee Alley. "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto".

"Who's Melly Meldrum?" the Queen of Melrose asked Vanity Project after the Madonna show. All rise for Queen Cosmo, LA icon, internet sensation, fashionista, Madonna-truther and friend of the pod. When Vanity Project met Cosmo in the line for the Kia Forum coatcheck, they didn’t know what hit them.

Like Big Ange, she empowered us with her motherly spirit. Like Gwenyth Paltrow, she taught us what her vagina smells like. Like Molly Meldrum, she knows how to ask for a lap dance. Vanity Project visit Melrose Avenue on their triumphant return to Tinseltown to discuss the crown jewels, mother Madonna and answer the million dollar question; Who the fuck is Melly Meldrum?!

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In sunny Los Angeles, Vanity Project are finally ready to relive the night they died and were reborn! In early March, VP donned their individually stoned MOTHER F★CKER tank tops and high tailed it to Tinseltown to see Madonna live in concert.

This is their definitive Madonna Celebration Tour review. Charles and Laura are armed with insider info about exploded implants, viral concert coverage, and bacterial infections. If you Wanna Be Startin’ Something, then come join the party, it’s a Celebration!

Let’s be clear about one thing: Vanity Project was victim to attempted vehicular homicide after the show. And still, they have ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS. Everybody comes to Hollywood, but nobody told them it still hurts you when you look this good.

Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week we ask, what does Daily Male mean when they say “Make Oxford St Great Again”? How do you get Cancelled Twice 💋? Can you wear the Rick Owens “URINAL” shirt to a family gathering? This episode Vanity Project is rewriting the slogan tee, and it says I ♥️ [hate] Melbourne. 

We trace its history to I ♥️ NY, The Thatcher Years, and HIV/AIDS. The slogan T-Shirt is as timeless as Charles’ Miranda Priestly impression, which was rejected by Vestoj if you even care. To paraphrase MM6: there is more to be done in the fight against Vanity Project, but this episode is a good start.

Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

This week, Vanity Project is asking what’s in a name? We have a sweet tooth, and we’re double dipping in Hard Candy (2005, 2008). In the countdown to their adventure to Tinseltown for the Madonna Celebration tour we remember the album Madonna has chosen to forget, and the infamous pedo revenge thriller of the same name.

We ask, are all gyms gay? What is to be made of the now-gone but not-forgotten global Hard Candy Fitness agenda? Can I have another screwdriver? A tight screw? Would “thonggirl14” by any other name be so obviously an underage Elliot Page? MILF Madonna is luring us into her store with candy galore! and to that, we say, Give It 2 Me!

Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

We are Vanity Project, whom no man will ever possess! We would be only too happy to become world dictators if only to fulfill our mission: the destruction of the last vestigial traces of traditional manhood in the race to realign the sexes, thus reducing population, while increasing human happiness and preparing humanity for its next stage.

Pledge allegiance to the struggle: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

In this Patreon exclusive Vanity Project use Poor Things (2023) to finally talk about the big topics. Sure, Lanthimos’ new film might be about a Frankensteinian pedophilia problem, but Charles and Laura want to talk about the Ball Drop. While we’re still in a festive mood from New Years we’re celebrating joyful semen!

Poor Things helps us to ask, is Fully Automated Luxury Communism compatible with Political Lesbianism? Is Laura finally giving up on fags? If an adult baby learns how to jerk off on the silver screen, is that ok to watch with your mum? Are we just like this because we were made to tap dance to LoveGame as children?

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Vanity Project is back. And this time they are on the loose! The team at Beare Park gave the girls special media access to cover the first ever fashion show at Elizabeth Bay's most beautiful pleasure playground!

As they retrace their steps through the notorious beat, the girls are forced to remember what really took place on NYE. They soon find themselves debating the moral pertinence of fur and sexual exploitation, leading them to question the gay cabal that brought them back to Beare Park to rub shoulders with the Australian fashion elite! Lions and tigers and Bears, oh my!

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It’s no secret Vanity Project are obsessed with Sydney and this week, they are fortunate enough to sit down with legendary performance artist Sydney Jarrett of Post Poems Collective. Their reappearance is a long time coming, and this time we’re here to say: Butch Is Not A Dirty Word!

They trace a history of deep and abiding camaraderie, from the working class history of Stone Butch Blues, to activist-sadomasochist Bloodsisters. They ask each other, where are you on the butch/femme scale? How ethical is it to share an ethical lesbian porn subscription with your ex? What does pre-workout and creatine have to do with it? Are lesbians really that unfunny? Ellen put it simply: Yep, I’m gay!

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