Come to Super Van City!!! It’s a Van! And a City! All in one!!!! But it’s tiny too. But the big sort of tiny? The kind of tiny that has a whole block to it, with a potential small (micro) kabab place with the good kababs and the one with the okay kababs too. And if you go to the okay one, it’s alright! It’s not going to ruin your day! You’re at SUPER VAN CITY, you hip micro machine you! A wizard probably runs it! You better hope it’s a wizard anyway. If it’s a sorcerer who runs your Super Van City, there may be some concerns to be had the micro-citizens. Council meeting at the Micro Race Track at 6!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he the absolute perfect Game Genie code for you at the end of this episode, so stick around. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s sneaking into record a podcast with very distinguishing straw hat.

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Don’t you wanta? I’m tempted to end the post there. There’s a few of us (Namely the two of us hosting this podcast you are looking at right now) who have an instant reaction to those words or the saccharine jingle that is somehow melody-less and catchy at the same time. The trend is to call us “Geriatric Millennials” And you’d be right, but haven’t we had enough? We have to sling so much irony and sarcasm at you all this time. I know it’s hard but someone it has to do it and it may as well be the generation that saw the music videos live on Music Television before it became a shirt you wore! This is all our generation is good at! It is our craft! We fine-tuned ‘our generational antikythera sarcasm mechanism at retail jobs, watching boring daytime television when our AOL ran out for the month and sharing our limited but discounted soda with our brethren while listening to juggalo mixtape CD-Rs on our 5-CD Car Changer. Leave us be! We’re the reason you’re listening to podcasts! Now, don’t you want a Fanta or not?!

John Hurst is your host this week and he is rolling up his 2000s-era LARP character. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s coming to the class with the finished workbook!

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Aliens! Do they exist? Who knows?! Maybe the government if they can stop shrugging their damn non-alien shoulders! What are we looking at? Bigfoot? The Moon? A crude-shaped future drone? We asked every member of Blink-182 their opinion and we realized we don’t personally know any of the members of that band so we’re stuck and out of options. Maybe the answer is… Up there. Bring a shovel.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s contemplating the structure of a specific drone. John Hurst is your co-host and is looking up new hip dot coms for the modern age!

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Your neighbor has left for the weekend. You offered to house sit and they’re ecstatic to have such a friendly neighbor willing to do it for free. But you have an ulterior motive. You know they’re using the Pizza-Tron 5000 XL Microwave, with extra room for maximum flakyness on the dough. You know it’s next to the window and easily viewable from your own house. And you know that the window is going to be open because you’re the one opening windows now.

You know all this because it’s time. It’s time to frisbee that pizza. It’s now or never. The devil’s work ain’t going to do itself now, is it?

John Hurst is your host this week and he is not going to leave this dusty crossroads without a deal. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is still quite full, thank you.

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Twelve issues of animals! Twelve of them! Can you name them all?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and That’s the promise of Zoobooks where you are going to learn about these specific animals or die trying. If you survive, you get a cool tiger poster, thee centerpiece to any elementary school child’s room. If you don’t, well, your parents got 6 more sweet issues about camels to sift through. And this new copy of Lamborghini Tigerposter’s new licensed game to play they got for your birthday. Hey, he looks way older than he should be on this title screen. Weird. Ah well. Animals!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s got a list of animals he will at least try to learn about. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s trying to find the rare actually legal Video CD.

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o/~ AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhHHHHH! HOOKED ON A FEELING! This baby is dancing! And it is called a meme! Though we didn’t know it yet! And some other words right here!”

Honestly, I don’t know what else to say about this. It’s a baby. it’s dancing. It was on a hit TV show for an episode and people talked about it. Now we’re talking about it. On loop. Forever. Or until the episode ends. Maybe not! Maybe we’re still talking about it right now. As you’re listening to this episode. Don’t tell the Welch’s Corporation. Definitely don’t tell the Welch Corporation.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is looking for his Black & Decker hair care hardware. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s looking for a way to get that free jam!

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Melrose Place! It’s a place near Beverly Hills, 90210! It has people! Sexy people! Do they know the people from the show ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’? Let’s hope not, if that want to survive to the next season! Always stopping the music and re-assuring the audience that maybe they won’t die in a horrible firey accident at the end of the episode. All this as the smooth soft rock starts and stops with their sick, pillow-soft solos. Is that Melrose Place? We’re not sure! But we’re pretty sure Ford sponsors it. Come listen to us watch people turning and looking sexy!

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There’s something strange about pest control companies. Something a little unhinged. Maybe it’s the destruction of thousands of tiny little vermin and bugs every day that breaks a person. Maybe it’s entering house upon house looking for every fault. Maybe it’s the smell of all those chemicals mixed together, just wafting around in his truck. But every battle hardened pest control company evolves to gain two things in their lifetime: 1) A friggin’ bop of a commercial jingle and 2) A nephew who just installed Blender for the first time. If they don’t, are they really a pest control company? Nay, I say. They are mere impostors without these elements. Come back to my home when you have a commercial jingle in the Billboard Top 100! Or if you want to throw a party while I’m not there! Either is okay!

John Hurst is your host this week and he is jealous of the sizzle of Aaron’s fajitas and now wishes he ordered them! Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s perfectly satisfied with the sizzle level of his fajitas.

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When the hell are we getting back from those messages? Did we ever leave? Did we get those 80s and 90s toys they were about to talk to us about! Did we ever achieve the ultimate in fantasy weaponry? We don’t know because we’re trapped in a claymation hell going bump in the night with a sentient fire hydrant that is torturing a poor dog who just happens to be around. And the man plays his guitar. The crew in the poodle skirts watch. ABC starts taking notes. It’s got some good ideas for bumpers, whether kids want them or not. You going to watch Sonic the Hedgehog or not, kid? Oh you will. Just after these messages. After. These. Messages.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s never going to get the Start button on his copy of Windows 95. John Hurst is your co-host and the last hope for the Chicago Bulls in the mid-90s?!?

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Oh, you think it’s just going to be a nostalgia trip through commercial land. They always think that. One minute you’re watching the Bubble Tape Commercial on a streaming site of your choice and the next minute you’re buying it at your gas station and remembering that chalky taste that never quite goes away. As you chew threw the six feet of partially digestible chewing material, you suddenly get a revelation of how the world works all around you. Angels roar from the heavens and get splat by cars. System of a Down lyrics play. You find out about sanctified bones and what can be made from them from now until eternity. And where you can buy them. It’s all connected. And now so are you.

Welcome to our podcast. Welcome to Video Death Loop. Enjoy your nostalgia.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s been vaccinated and feels pretty good! Aaron Littleton is your co- host this week and he too has been vaccinated but feels bad! Go get vaccinated!

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