Video Death Loop

What do you think Kenny Loggins is doing during quarantine? Do you think he’s doing the same thing he is doing in here in the music video for pinnacle song from the pinnacle soundtrack of our time, “Top Gun: Music From the Motion Picture”? Probably! Because it’s kind of not a great video! He’s just kind of lounging and playing with a camera that may or may not have film in it. What’s going to happen when you finally develop that roll, Kenny Loggins? Are you going to find a bunch of blurry pictures of your jean clothed junk you took from the bed and maybe an artsy pic of the ceiling fan? Because yes, that’s what you’re going to find! Go hang that in your household and charge people enormous prices for artistic integrity! And when you’re done, go scream at that ceiling fan some more, buy some adult pay-per-views movies and eschew them all to watch kickass fighter jets on the Military Channel. Ah, yes, now that’s the stuff.

John Hurst is hosting this week and he is reading from the book of nursery rhymes and The U.S. War Machine back to back. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and finds that fighter jet sexy enough to Bing.

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Is the Monterrey Jack Quesadilla date a first-rate date idea? Taco Bell sure thought so! Just as the goop from the bottom of the bag is scooped up into your mouth orifice, you may also experience the joy of a slightly spicy delight of Monterrey Jack cheese with your date on your low-rent sofa meant to fall apart after a dozen uses or so. Perhaps your even watching a music video the couch was in as your sitting on the couching consuming this goop with your date! Who knows! It’s the early 2000s and anything is possible in the fast food world. Your soul patch shines brightly on this day and you’re feeling lucky. Maybe you’re even playing a Smash Mouth song declaring how much of the percentage of the star you feel (Maybe… All of it?) It’s your time, you’re going to have a good time and then this couch is going to fall apart and you’re going to have to call Joey again. Such is life! Let’s get this day started!

Aaron hosts this week and has a scheme and doesn’t even know it! John co-hosts and is looking at things with the word gamer in them out of desperation.

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Sometimes, you gotta make that sale. And in the cereal world, making that sale is hard. The Rice Krispie guys got a corner on the air puff and desert market. Tony the Tiger knows his stuff is addicting and doesn’t care who he peddles it to because he stands by his product. And we’re still need entirely sure what the Honey Comb Robot actually did (Other than proclaiming that taste is big big big and definitely not small, no no no.) The Honey Nuts Cheerio Bee needed that commission money to help endorse his 80s lifestyle and who could he turn to in this trying time to make the deal other than to get  Hulk Hogan getting addicted to nuts and honey in his cereal. He proclaims it better than a bodyslam, but which end of the bodyslam is it? Find out with us!

John Hurst is your host and he has a secret Food City regional grocery store he goes to. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is respectfully watching people do sick dirt bike tricks at a reasonable distance.

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As a bonus for reading all the way to here, you can watch a show from last year from the improv troupe  Einstein Simplified, which Aaron Littleton (Your co-host) is in! Check it out here and follow the documentary he is in, Chair the Movie, on facebook!

Have you seen Speed 2? We sure haven’t. I mean, we’ve seen the trailer yes, but the movie, not so much. Why? What was it about a franchise that lost one of its temporal B-listers and replaced him with boats (ships?) that makes even the truly uncultured such as us lose interest?

This week we watched the Speed 2 trailer on loop, but no more or less than 55 times!

Aaron Littleton hosts and buys some soap! John Hurst co-hosts and wears some pants!

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Where were you when the new Sakura Wars theme song dropped? Were you watching online? Were you in the audience? Were you, most horrifyingly of all, on…stage? Yeeeesh.

This week we watched the New Sakura Wars theme song reveal video on loop! Well, mostly anyway.

John Hurst hosts and trims and beard. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and is not very prescient.

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Whatever you do, do not bing shiny hands. Don’t do it. It’s…it’s not good. Don’t turn off safe search. What are you doing. I said don’t do that. STOP STOP STOP

YOU DON’T NEED TO DO THIS

It’s an intermission! We’re in our respective homes. There’s not really a host and there’s no video. But there is us, talking about the same thing as everybody else so, you know.

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I want to tell you about these so-called “humans”, with their so-called “boats”. They dangle…dangle’s the right word right? They dangle worms, the juiciest you’ve ever seen, right down here in our faces. IN OUR FACES! But let me tell you friends, these worms are not what they seem. Oh no, not at all. Not at all. These worms are tricks. Turn around, listen to me, just turn around and swim. SWIM FOR ALL YOU ARE WORTH! Swim, you idiots! Back after these fine sponsors.

This week we watched some fishing show bloopers! These fishing show bloopers, actually. You should too!

Aaron Littleton hosts this week and sees a statue. John Hurst co-hosts and fishes on Twitch.

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What’s your aesthetic? My aesthetic is essentially the Matrix DVD menu: an endlessly looping SD video of overwrought motion graphics hiding special features no one will ever watch and Easter Eggs no one will ever find. On a good day, I prefer this aesthetic through the filter of an early consumer digital camera, applying a thick filter of heavy JPEG artifacting on top of a .6 megapixel image, gleefully discarding historical details as if tomorrow, and a new free month of AOL, will never come.

This week we watched a late 90s Sony Mavica commercial from New Zealand, basically the most Video Death Loop video ever.

John Hurst is your host and is an early adopter. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and falls in a hole.

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Just like with money, chicken nuggets have also been hit hard with inflation. It used to be that you could get five chicken nuggets for 99 cents at Wendy’s. Today, in 2019 time, you pay $1 for FOUR nuggets. Where did the other one go? Were we bad enough that we don’t deserve the fifth nugget AND have to pay a penny more? Are they even made of chicken now? Did we not look hard enough and realize they’re now labeled “Chickyn Nuggets”, made with “chicken-like” properties? Is this all a part of Wendy’s plan to replace the mascot of Wendy’s with new, hotter versions of their mascot? When does the hotness end? When do the chicken nuggets begin? When does the– Oh hey, Star Trek’s back on. Nice.

This week we watched a mid-90s Wendy’s Crispy Chicken Nuggets commercial on loop but were sad it was not Star Trek.

Aaron Littleton hosts and is very honest. John Hurst co-hosts and is disappointed by Frosties.

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Pants? So modern. Shirt? IG as F. Overly simplistic computer graphics that look like they came out of a Chinese AI factory for children’s YouTube video creation? Near perfection. A symmetrical ring of underwear poking out from above your belt? Ehhh – some things will never be cool.

This week we watched the “Butterfly” music video from Smile.dk! It is the most influential video of 2020, I promise you.

John Hurst hosts and changes his air filter. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and wants those pants.

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