Video Death Loop

Hey so what’s happening everyone? John and I have been basically destroyed by the holidays, er, we’ve been on such a sweet and awesome vacation that we haven’t been able to record the podcast for the last two weeks. But worry not:

Season 3 starts next Friday!

in the mean time, chill out, enjoy a break and listen to my apology and see if you can determine which muscle relaxer I’ve just taken for my injured back, I mean, which tropical drink I’ve been enjoying on a warm beach.

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Arby’s had an idea: what if they made holiday tumblers? What if they were kind of understated and festive, without a splashy logo and cost a measly 79 cents per glass? What if they were shaped like curly fries and filled with curly fries and existed in a universe where curly fries were the foundation particle of all matter?

Well, some of their idea came true. We’ll let you decide which parts as we watch the classic Arby’s Holly Days Tumbler commercial on loop.

Aaron Littleton hosts this week and drinks orange soda. John Hurst co-hosts and shares college hacks.

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Baseboards: we hardly think about them. Ok, we don’t really think about them at all. In a way, we purposfully ignore them. But if we did think about them, we might ask: are they necessary? Why are they there? What is this thing and why is it filthy?

The Baseboard Buddy commercial we watched this week attempted to answer none of these questions, but it left us with a lot more.

John Hurst hosts this week and runs out of ideas. Aaron Littleton co-hosts in a way that may vary.

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In the sleepy town of Encino, a secret lays buried: the secret of the juice. Some may wish to horde the juice and some may want to drink the juice, but both are the wrong way to approach the juice. The juice will destroy those not ready for its power and to tame the juice, one must wheeze the juice. So, child, you must learn. Learn to wheeze the juice, then you shall be king of Encino.

This week we studied hard to wheeze the juice while watching the Encino Man Trailer.

Aaron Littleton hosts and makes mouth noises. John Hurst co-hosts and enjoys some nugs.

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Man, those Brendan Fraser Mummy movies were pretty good, huh? Surely there’s no increasingly less relevant series of spin-offs that could detract from their inherent quality. Right? What about a prequel starring Dwayne Johnson as a goofy CG monster? What about a Godsmack music video based on the Dwayne Johnson prequel only briefly featuring pre-recorded clips of Mr. The Rock himself?

That’s…where we are. Here’s that video. Watch it if you haven’t had your fill of the early 2000s today.

John Hurst hosts and tries out a new managerial style. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and reminisces about facial hair.

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Close up, Danny DeVito. He is crying. Slowly the camera zooms in on a single pore. A tear, now massive at such a small focus, erupts into the scene, leaving a smeary, moistened trail. Now the camera zooms back and the wet epidermis is the ocean, home to a host of aquatic Danny DeVitos which crest the waves, sailing briefly, magnificently over the ocean before splashing back down again. “Pika…chu” one squeaks.

Welcome to episode 100.

This week we watched the POKÉMON Detective Pikachu trailer on loop as long as we could.

Aaron Littleton hosts and is vindicated. John Hurst co-hosts and leaves the room.

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There’s a lot of John Cena media out there. Some of it is what passes for good in this wretched year of 2018. Some of it…less so. This commercial is the latter. Three John Cenas engage in a dangerously patriotic Backstreet Boys pantomime to push liquor and we are both aghast and mesmerized.

If you need to see it for yourself, it’s here.

John Hurst hosts and asks an AI questions. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and calls the FBI.

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When you’ve got 15 seconds of precious airtime to fill but a total of four seconds of actual content, you do what you have to do. The Head On people decided to loop those precious four seconds over and over, creating one of the most weirdly memorable but understandably irritating commercials of the mid-2000s.

We watched this Head On commercial on loop! Apply directly to your eyes!

Aaron Littleton hosts and eats sharp things. John Hurst co-hosts and eats a Happy Meal.

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Aren’t apps terrible? What if you could get a haircut without an app? That’s just the kind of sexy place Sport Clips is. Labor practices aside, they’re almost certainly better than…the alternative.

We watched this Sports Clips commercial on loop this week. Get in line! Online! In line! LINE

John Hurst hosts this weeks and dreams of pneumatic tubes. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and feels safe.

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Weeeeelllll Matlock may just be a poor country lawyer, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like money. In fact, it may be his favorite thing. He’s never going to get ahead in life if he keeps taking cases on the barter system though. Try as you might, you’re never going to make it by accepting PBS tote bags for your work.

This week we watched the Matlock theme song on loop. Check it out while you eat at Golden Corral.

Aaron Littleton hosts and provides poor sitting arrangements. John Hurst co-hosts and files a complaint.

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