Virtual Kitchen Table

Our conversation … (listen to Part Two here)

Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy! 

How this conversation is a learning opportunity for all of us 

The “shift” that has happened in a relatively short time in relation to concerns about screens/digital tech and the growing  sources of information and opinion, often contrary to one another. 

How “unlimited screens” are often associated with radical unschooling, but not that many years ago, families of various kinds seem to have been less rule-oriented in relation to technology 

That it’s okay to be wondering and thinking through how things are working for our families 

How using something as a treat, reward or seeing it as a “forbidden fruit” can create a sort of a drive toward it 

Joining our children – taking the opportunity to try out being in their world and seeing more of what they’re into 

We can let our child know we need a bit of time to understand better before making a decision, reflect a bit more, be honest that we don’t always have the answers – in this way we show humility 

How having some really open time and space to do something is the only real way  for kids to learn more about themselves and the limits and conditions that work for them 

The potential loss of connection with older generations when kids dive more deeply into technology 

An abundance mindset rather than a scarcity one, allowing children to really be generous and flexible in sharing common devices or making some compromises to their time. 

How communicating and problem-solving together rather than having a standard rule not only takes more effort and leads to developing greater skill for the parent, but for the child too. 

Grace. Remembering that we are all trying our best, working together and navigating things as we can 

Letemgobarefoot Instagram 

Game On! : Missy Willis, Let ‘ Em Go Barefoot

What Worries Me About Fortnite (and 9 Reasons Not to Limit Children’s ‘Screentime.’ : Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path

* Photo by Missy Willis

Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here)

Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂

The ability for kids to be comfortably playful until an older age when in mixed age groups 

Expansive time for unstructured play 

Intergenerational socializing 

Deeper, evolving levels of flow with long periods of free play (often with a bit of support partway through) 

Kids having opportunity to come in and out of play, jump in quickly or ease in slowly 

The frustration for kids of having their flow or gameplay interrupted in a school structure

How young children might have a sense of civility and social skill that’s actually lacking in the school system (eg. a young boy questioning why the teachers don’t simply ask the children to come in from recess rather than summon with a loud bell) 

The teen years/adolescence as somewhat of a social construct 

The importance for teens of feeling they are contributing and doing meaningful things 

The increasing “red tape” and bureaucracy involved in many opportunities for mentorships or apprenticeships

Valuing a teen’s own pace of choosing not to rush into independence 

Defining maturity – depends what we mean by that word

The different directions home educating teens are moving in from a time perspective that can make it difficult to find ways to connect with one another 

The idea of home educating with an eye to putting kids in school at some point – can you fully deschool and embrace this life? 

Whether nostalgia plays a role in parents feeling more comfortable with their children in traditional social settings – prom, teams, formal graduation 

Integrating into school after homeschooling 

How we don’t always know what an individual teenager’s social needs are – they don’t always fit the stereotypes 

The milestones and assumptions that people project onto teens that are actually more reflective of unresolved things from their own adolescence than of what’s necessary for a particular teen 

Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog 

Why You Truly Never Leave High School, New York Mag

Our conversation … (listen to Part Two here)

Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂

What the word socialization means and the different ways we think about it 

That this is a conversation that unites people from many styles of home education – how are kids socialized outside of school

How socialization isn’t something to really be formally taught as much as it to be learned naturally through modelling and life experience 

How some kids are naturally quick at “reading the room” and others take longer or see things differently depending, and this is the case with many people regardless of where they go to school 

Whether we can really consider school “the real world”

The qualities we respect in adults – often they are creativity, resourcefulness,  problem-solving – and how those are often best developed outside the box of prescribed systems

That school is great for socialization into school itself and similar settings, but not always so useful in others 

Social discernment and how that’s impacted by the messaging that everyone in the class is your friend 

Conversing with kids about what a friend means to them and being curious about different ways of being friends and holding relationships of different kinds 

Whether it’s necessary for homeschool families to have a community – variations in social needs for kids and not just socializing for the sake of it 

The emotional intensity that can sometimes be part of home ed socializing (if you know, you know!) and figuring out what works for our families 

The nuances of homeschool social time – the skill development and perseverance that it takes as parents to sort through, build connections, etc 

That it can be hard! Sometimes parents gel but kids don’t or vice versa 

The common ways that adults form friendships 

The difficulty with extreme peer-orientation 

The idea of bullying being normalized 

Older adults and connections with a range of ages as rich opportunities for kids and having the time to nurture those

Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog

Let ‘Em Go Barefoot 

Inner Parent Coaching 

Socialisation – A Nuanced Topic, Erin, Ever Learning 

Home Education Worries: Will They Learn How to Queue? Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path

The Worst Parenting Advice Ever: You Can’t Be Friends With Your Kids, Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path

Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized, Jennifer McGrail, The Path Less Taken 

Unschooling Together Community

What is self-care anyway? In this episode we discuss the different things it means to different people, how we consider it during busy parenting seasons and, woven into the conversation, what does our children’s self-care look like? How do we support it? We were thrilled to have Alice Griffin of Wandering Alice join us again, as she has supported many people in their self-care journeys and brings a beautiful, peaceful perspective. Alice’s writing, courses and offerings can be found at http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/. She is on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. Why not join us for a gentle, refreshing hour + of conversation about the joy of taking care of ourselves, even in the midst of busy family life? 

What self-care looks and feels like

The rising popularity of the term self-care in home education.  What does it mean? How do we feel about it?

Filling our cup so that we can fill the cups of others 

Changing family rhythms over time  … eg. reframing nap times as quiet times and maintaining the idea of available rest time for anyone, adults included 

‘Sites of mutual fulfillment’ – finding those places where both parent and child can enjoy themselves and relax

The ideas of things like read-alouds and cloud-gazing as a reset and communicating openly with our children that we all might need to rest and regroup sometimes – collective self-care 

How sometimes it’s actually connection with our family that we need rather than alone time or a break 

That connection doesn’t have to be presence – it can be an offer of presence 

Finding a special piece for ourselves to enjoy  in something that we aren’t looking forward to or that wasn’t our choice to do 

The role of gratitude and appreciation 

Reframing household and practical tasks  from a perspective of gratitude, such as imagining the person whose piece of clothing we are folding and how much we love them

Moving away from the idea of efficiency at all times – allowing ourselves to enjoy things even if they slow us down or aren’t entirely necessary (lingering during a decluttering task to enjoy nostalgic things we come across) 

Deschooling as an act of self-care 

Loving our children as we would have liked to have been loved – the healing power of parenting 

Our children and their own self-care 

Recognizing inherent triggers and challenges – the more we are a safe place for our children, the more they will bring to us and we can love and feel grateful for that 

How children are often really good at meeting their owns needs 

Being intentional and mindful of who and what we surround ourselves with 

People needing permission and invitation to step back and come back into themselves (permission to care for themselves)

How physical illness, crisis and external events are often the only way for people to have a socially acceptable rest

That kids taking time and space for themselves to pay attention to their needs can actually lead to compassion rather than lack of consideration for others 

http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/

https://alice-griffin-s-school.teachable.com/

https://youtube.com/@wanderingalice

https://lulastic.co.uk/parenting/sites-mutual-fulfillment/

https://takingakinderpath.com/benefits-of-a-good-cry/

https://takingakinderpath.com/self-soothing-checklists-secret-to-raising-mood-and-energy-levels-fast/

How much novelty do children need? How much do we need and how do we work it out within a family rhythm? Although we realize each person is individual, it’s something we’ve noticed involves observing and listening, planning and yet holding those plans loosely. We are considering time out versus time at home, outdoor time versus indoor, social opportunities versus being alone. How much money to spend in order for our children to have a rich life? How many new ideas? How much to strew in comparison to what the natural flow of life presents?  And maybe most importantly, what helps us to slow down to support the novelty our kids naturally find themselves? Please join us as we ponder! 

Observing our children, from even an infant stage, and understanding cues over time for seeking or avoiding stimulation 

How being a new parent at home with a baby brings with it a different level of freedom, but also responsibility 

How going decades with having time structured for us can diminish the natural sense of our own needs and preferences 

Yet also ..  

The possibility of finding it easier to be creative within parameters 

That we can’t stockpile novel experiences. It’s about the flow rather than the quantity 

How trust and safety are important for learning as well novelty. We need brain space to digest and process – a balance between comfort and peace and novelty and newness 

That novelty doesn’t have to be massive and we  don’t have to change everything – it can be a new food or new supermarket or driving home a different way

The tendency to overcompensate as home educating parents in order to provide “enough”’

How we, as parents, aren’t actually responsible for absolutely everything 

Three kinds of novelty: what things we bring/strew, what things kids initiate themselves, what opportunities life offers 

Micro experiences within regular rhythms that actually bring in novelty within the routine 

Parental narration as a way of naturally showing the potential wonder in life – being a model of curiosity and gratitude 

The outdoors as a form of free, accessible novelty 

Small sensory changes as novel – a change of pace coming from in or out doors 

How kids are very good at finding their own novelty 

Adding abundance to our calendar by plugging the natural or requested things in on the front end 

That when we really tune in and remain present, we see that things and people are very interesting, whereas when our life is rushed, we need to seek out novelty in less natural ways 

Doing familiar things (board games, jigsaw puzzles) in new environments and vice versa with new or returning things in familiar spaces 

Trusting that people know what their own systems need and that we can support them to figure that out if it’s not quite connecting somehow

Boredom – different perspectives and assumptions. Interesting …! 

How life is rich – novelty is inevitable if we’re tuned in!

Clubhouse Strewing Conversation 

Unschooling Together Community 

Home educating while travelling can play out in a variety of ways and is different for each family. It often brings to mind the idea of high excitement and far-flung locations. While that sometimes might be true, there are other styles of adventure as well.

It was an absolute joy to have Alice Griffin joy us for a conversation about what family travel looks like in her family and how it weaves together beautifully with home education. Alice has a website alicegriffin.co.uk and is on instagram @wanderingalice

We Discuss:

The idea of “wandering” and slow travel rather than exotic trips 

Coming across different people and hearing various ways of doing things, seeing what resonates in choosing our home education paths 

Following passions and deep dives, soaking things up, supporting and facilitating learning 

The central role that nature can play in daily life and the ease of access to the outdoors when living in campers or boats 

How an unconventional life can open up flexibility to actually build and maintain community and relationships with extended family in a different way than a “regular” 9-5 sort of life

How families communicate and find consensual ways of travel and decision-making 

Travel with pets and considering their needs as well 

The importance of self-reflection and humility 

How travel or living closely together can lead to working together and a natural division of labour 

The possibility that battles and conflict over chores and roles might be somewhat of a modern conversation given that they were just part of collective living in less modern times

That when we begin to work around each other with open conversation, we develop a mutual respect and rhythm 

The adjustments that sometimes need to be made when various people are coming from different directions and trying to move back into a common energy/pace 

How home education can feel very pleasant and comfortable as we get into a rhythm as a family, not feeling stressed and pulled in different directions 

“Wandering” as an opportunity to connect in natural ways – enjoying each other around a table – and gathering with people of all ages and backgrounds 

Finding a home education community when travelling to different places – challenges and possibilities 

Wandering as a somewhat different feeling or expectation than how worldschooling is sometimes described

Becoming a tourist in our own town and how we don’t need to be too far from home to have a bit of adventure

The possibility that a simple, but rich, wandering life can be more affordable than people might imagine

Other avenues, beyond lessons and structured activities, for gaining life experiences 

Resources:

alicegriffin.co.uk

@wanderingalice

Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids podcast

Modern Classics As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning

Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here)

When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well!

We were so happy to have Sue Elvis join us as we discussed deschooling alongside an overview of her newest book, The Unschool Challenge. Sue has a blog and podcast at Stories of an Unschooling Family. She is also the author of unschooling books: Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love.

The idea of ‘cocooning’ or taking breaks from certain things and how kids often come out of those times with either deeper or new understanding of things 

The importance of rest as part of learning and growth processes 

How children sometimes do things repeatedly – same picture book, movie, game, etc and what they might be processing 

Repetitive activity as a way of feeling agency and control over something 

The expectation of being continuously productive

How deeper deschooling can be quite uncomfortable and require some really hard work 

The ease of trusting when things are going smoothly and our kids are doing things that seem exciting, versus times that we’re less comfortable with

Dropping our preconceived notions of our children are and seeing them for who they really are 

How mistrusting children has almost become a virtue in many mainstream circles – it’s a sign of being responsible, being a good parent 

Trusting what we know works for our family in relation to various things such as tech/screen use

Building a family language – being intentional at first and overtime it comes naturally 

How trust is not just stepping back – it involves building up connections 

How there are experts in particular fields, but a parent is right there in the midst of the real situations – the importance of context 

That deschooling can be triggering in thinking about our own school experiences 

That deschooling can lead to an opportunity to renew our excitement or experience a deep joy of learning 

Being gentle with ourselves and respecting our failures and continued learning 

The Unschool Challenge – Sue Elvis 

Unschooling Together Community

When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well!

We were so happy to have Sue Elvis join us as we discussed deschooling alongside an overview of her newest book, The Unschool Challenge. Sue has a blog and podcast at Stories of an Unschooling Family. She is also the author of unschooling books: Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love.

An overview of The Unschool Challenge and the various ways it can be helpful 

The challenges as an invitation to do the work of deschooling, not necessarily in a linear way, but in whatever order and pace works best for an individual parent 

How deschooling and Sue’s book aren’t just about kids, but about our own processes as parents as well

Moving forward courageously in endeavours even when we know we’re imperfect, and how deschooling helps us peel back the right answer/wrong answer mentality

How unschooling isn’t quantitative; we can’t deem how successful it is or not using some universal standard

How children are curious and will learn regardless, but the role of deschooling for parents is so substantial 

Relationships and connections, and the overflow of this work into our interactions with others, even beyond our children 

Differences between what deschooling means when moving toward homeschooling of various styles versus moving toward unschooling – the idea of unravelling and dismantling rather than just decompressing 

Getting to a place where we enjoy and delight in life and learning without thinking of them as separate subjects

That unschooling isn’t just about taking rules and other things away, but also adding things in – more of the beautiful things in life that bring connection, joy and curiosity to our particular family 

Being gentle with ourselves – deschooling is slow, individual work 

The wonderful thing about questions 

The goodness of circling back to things we might have read earlier in our deschooling process to ponder and strengthen or renew our growth 

Continue on to Part Two here.

The Unschool Challenge 

Unschooling Together Community 

The Unschool Space Podcast

Exploring Unschooling Podcast – Episode 251

Do we deserve joy? That might sound like a strange question because smiling and happiness are very valued, but it seems we’re less comfortable with deep and ongoing joy. When people make choices that lead in the direction of less stress or more joy, sometimes questions arise. Life is supposed to be tough – who do people think they are living boldly and joyfully? Do we allow ourselves to fully feel joy? And what does this have to do with home education? Please join us as we think it through!

What the difference might be between happiness and joy

How society places a high value on happiness, but is less comfortable with deep or ongoing joy. Maybe joy is seen as frivolous?

That in fairytales, “Happily Ever After” equals resolution. We tend to think if things are resolved, we will be happy.

How joy can still be present alongside difficulties and even inside the difficulties

How anticipating difficult things later in the day or week can rob us of moments of joy with our children in the present if we’re not intentional

The positive and powerful role of stress when there’s purpose and moderation 

Lack of joy and stress as default – stress running under the surface as a norm in modern life and how we can notice joy as a way of staying present

The role that school has played in us anticipating or accepting a lack of joy in regard to learning and even daily life

Moving past the guilt of having a joyful life at home during school hours!

The high school years as being an assumed time of high stress and lack of joy. How do we move past that?

The joy of partnership and collaboration in self-directed learning 

The link between gratitude and joy – cultivating an attitude of gratitude 

Taking the time to say out loud that we are feeling more than one emotion at a time in the presence of our kids

What brings each of our children joy individually and a concrete way of bringing more in for them 

Prioritizing joy in our home and family life and building it into our week in regular ways – protecting time 

Joy in and as self-care, and protecting mental health for adults and kids alike 

Kids reminding us of joy and self-care. We’re models for them and then they are for us. 

Whether there is a danger of feeling too much joy. Is it irresponsible? 

The cycle of joy -when we’re joyful, perhaps it gives permission for others to be joyful. 

Holding space for one child to be in a joyful period of time even as another child might be having a tough time

Accepting that some days we just won’t have the energy to look for joy. Sometimes we’ll feel discomfort.

Living Joyfully podcast 

Exploring Unschooling podcast : Episode 251 – Unschooling as a Lifestyle with Lucia Silva

Stories of Unschooling Families Community 

Brave Writer Poetry Teatime 

Taking a Kinder Path: Joy Lists – A Home Education Essential

This was originally a conversation recorded for and posted to the Stories of Unschooling Families online community in Spring of 2022 and we decided to include it as an episode.

Ashley and Erin had an opportunity to talk to Jenna Reich of Rogue Learner podcast and website and Jenna Reich Photography about Ashley’s and Jenna’s journey into beginning home education, specifically unschooling or self-directed education. This was an interesting opportunity to discuss beginning homeschooling during and/or because of the pandemic with two parents who also happen to have worked in the education system. 

We Discuss:

Whether beginning homeschooling during a pandemic is easier as far as it being accepted

Being a certified teacher and home educating

How the pandemic gave the space to do research and find what really worked for an individual family

Increased questioning about homeschooling around the time of certain milestones: eg. Kindergarten, Grade One, Junior High years, High school

Explaining what we do (with or without the word “unschooling” and depending on how much time we have, level of listener’s interest) 

The benefit of having a spouse working from home during the pandemic giving the opportunity for both parents to see living and learning in action 

The explosion of online information from newer home educators and whether people are more confident and knowledgeable in sharing

The role of sharing experience on social media and in online groups

The desire to share as a way of offering possibilities and information to others, but also the consideration of privacy in sharing about one’s family 

Home education as just part of a wider life, interconnected with decisions and thinking about other systems

The beauty of having a wide range of voices in the podcasting, blogging, authorship world

Decentering school – supportive and connected parenting regardless of where kids are being educated

Rogue Learner Podcast

The Homeschool Project Podcast

Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Clubhouse 

Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Podcast

Kiki and the Wildlings 

Exploring Unschooling Podcast

The Unschool Files Podcast

Unschooling School