Virtual Kitchen Table

This was originally a conversation recorded for and posted to the Stories of Unschooling Families online community in Spring of 2022 and we decided to include it as an episode.

Ashley and Erin had an opportunity to talk to Jenna Reich of Rogue Learner podcast and website and Jenna Reich Photography about Ashley’s and Jenna’s journey into beginning home education, specifically unschooling or self-directed education. This was an interesting opportunity to discuss beginning homeschooling during and/or because of the pandemic with two parents who also happen to have worked in the education system. 

How homeschoolers went from sort of being tolerated to being sought out 

The initial freedom of learning together as a family to families feeling bogged down by online school 

The misunderstanding of what home education is and the mixing that up with online public school 

The individual family journeys to home education

Physical symptoms of school anxiety 

The reasons for moving into all the way to unschooling rather than a more traditional homeschooling 

Whether and when a teaching background has helped or hindered the process 

How curriculum can sometimes be used and enjoyable within an unschooling context and how a child’s prior school experience (or not) might be related to how that goes 

Recognizing the signs of school trauma that some children experience and the time and space to deschool 

The social challenges of homeschooling during the pandemic – the realities of true loneliness 

The many nuances of education choices and how choosing school is absolutely one of them 

The diminished opportunities for exploring things like museums, galleries, libraries, travel, etc and whether that impacts kids’ perceptions of the homeschooling experience

Peter Gray – Free to Learn 

Stories of Unschooling Families Community

Photo by J. Gilmore

Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning

It is a fascinating thing to observe our children in a state of flow with their learning. Fully focused and engaged in an interest or task, a sense of time and space is lost as they dive into the deep development of an idea or skill. As adults we can get into a flow state ourselves and it’s interesting to explore the process. Join us as we discuss our observations and ponderings about flow within our families. Maybe something will resonate with you!

We Discuss:

Parents and children immersed in something together – books, games, particular interests and passions

The difference between a state of in-depth, in the moment flow, and a flow that kind of runs continuously below the surface over time

The agelessness of learning and play

The benefit of home education in offering conditions for flow

Needing time, space, freedom of choice and autonomy to come into a state of flow

What do we value in learning? Finished product? Something tangible? Evidence of learning?

How we often process what we’re learning while we’re talking about it later as it comes up naturally

Whether we are sometimes using words like “obsession” when really we’re not used to seeing kids in a state of flow, having that uninterrupted time to complete challenges, to work through things, to create.

Trusting in our children’s process

Layers of learning

Learning in a meditative, comfort state – how what kids are doing might not be fully related to what they’re learning or creating with other parts of the brain (zooming a motorcycle back and forth while writing a story in their head or contemplating things)

Looking at our own learning processes

The intention, spark, motivation or need that enables us to get on the “runway” of flow

Flow that just comes naturally from ourselves as individuals versus flow that comes from diving into something that you are supporting someone else with

Do kids sometimes need/seek out someone to engage with to get into a state of flow? A partnership? Shared flow?

The vulnerability of flow and our role as parents for creating a safe place to get into flow, of having their process respected, free of judgement

The role of movement/kinaesthetic learning in flow

How slowing down is integral to fostering the conditions for deep, authentic learning

The importance of the investment of time

The possibility of collective flow – group or societal learning something together

Whether the push for productivity actually gets in the way of deep learning

How flow is beautiful but can also be intense and challenging

Resources:

Ashley’s Discussion Room on Honey I’m Homeschooling the Kids Clubhouse (Your Home Learning Environment episode)

Unschooling as Flow – Exploring Unschooling Podcast

Living Joyfully website – Pam Laricchia

Kindness and unconditional love are things that most parents hope to have and give to their children. In fact they are valued by almost all people. What do they have to do with unschooling? Join us as we explore what kindness and unconditional love have meant for each of us and the role they might play in our unschooling families.

We were so grateful to have Sue Elvis chat with us about this topic! Sue is the author of Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love (now in its second edition). She blogs and podcasts at Stories of an Unschooling Family and can be found on Instagram at Stories of an Unschooling Family.

How respectful relationship is not just about outcome – it’s a loving way to interact with our children regardless

That we can be friends with our kids now, even before they are adults

The opportunity as an adult to come to a greater acceptance of ourselves even if we didn’t experience unconditional love and acceptance as children, and the work that it takes

How children have the opportunity of accepting and respecting themselves and the role that we play in that

Looking at academic goals versus relationship and connection – where they differ and do they always need to?

The internal strength and emotional intelligence that can come from experiencing kindness over time

“Stealth learning or “sneaky learning” and how those terms feel in the context of respectful relationship

How the focus is often on whether kids will learn, but really so much of the work and deschooling belongs to the parents, whether it will “work” for the adults

The common idea of “Yes, it was tough, but I survived.”

Praising our children – what do we think about it?

How kindness and unconditional love can weave into our interactions with people of all ages and the positive societal impact that can have.

Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources, L.R. Knost

Stories of an Unschooling Family blog and podcast

Radical Unschool Love – Second Edition, Sue Elvis

5 Ways to be a Kinder Parent, Taking a Kinder Path blog

Shining our Light: Kindness as Mindset, Ever Learning

Kindness and unconditional love are things that most parents hope to have and give to their children. In fact they are valued by almost all people. What do they have to do with unschooling? Join us as we explore what kindness and unconditional love have meant for each of us and the role they might play in our unschooling families.

We were so grateful to have Sue Elvis chat with us about this topic! Sue is the author of Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love (now in its second edition). She blogs and podcasts at Stories of an Unschooling Family and can be found on Instagram at Stories of an Unschooling Family.

How attachment/connected parenting sometimes naturally leads to unschooling

What connection kindness might have with unschooling

What connection unconditional love might have with unschooling

Whether focusing on positive and practical things like kindness, unconditional love, trust and curiosity might help unschooling be better understood and considered

That it is never too late to become intentional about being kinder, more loving and more respectful with our teens and young adults; an unconditional and curious mindset can still begin with people of any age

Standing up for our children regardless of the opinions of others

Power with rather than power over

Abundance versus scarcity mindset

The deep and ongoing work of deschooling

How many people seem to have had painful experiences with parents and feel they don’t measure up

That parents generally want the best for their children and the challenges of finding what that is in the midst of all the voices

Parenting from a place of connection, respect and trust whether children are at school or home educating; parents can still follow as many unschooling principles as are possible

Radical Unschool Love – Second Edition, Sue Elvis

Stories of an Unschooling Family blog and podcast

Exploring Unschooling Podcast: Stories of an Unschooling Family with Sue Elvis

Taking a Kinder Path blog

Dr. Bill Sears

Dr. Peter Gray – Free to Learn

When things are rosy and our days seem to flow, it’s easy to feel confident and comfortable in the choice to be a home educating family. During harder times, it can feel shaky. Parents want to bring their best for their child but sometimes life circumstances make that challenging. What happens then? How do we ask for support? What does self-care look like? What growth do we notice in our children and families during and after these times? What difficulties? Join us as we shake off the “perfect home education family” image and dig into the ebbs and flows of living and learning together.

We were so grateful to have Kiki from Kiki and the Wildlings  (on Instagram) join us for this conversation. You can hear and read more of Kiki’s thoughts on her own podcast and blog, Educating Wildlings.

The helpfulness of acknowledging and hearing others express that there are difficult times

Whether home ed parents feel additional pressure to “hold it all together” because there are already doubts from others as to whether homeschooling “works” and whether they can do it

Asking for and accepting help and support

The assumption that school is the default if a family is having a difficult time

Parenting without having extended family close by

Trusting (or not) other people to provide respectful care to our children

Finding and noticing “sites of mutual fulfilment” (a nod to Lucy Aitken-Reed for that term)

That self-care doesn’t necessarily mean we need to be away from our children, building it into our daily rhythm

That leaning into our connection with our family can be healing and comforting for all and draw us closer

Modelling to children that we have passions, interests and also needs

Types of rest and practices of self-care

Being honest with children that we are having difficult times; it normalizes vulnerability and the need for help from one another

What we notice in our children during difficult times – resilience, strength and new or uncovered skills and characteristics

How sometimes difficult times do affect children in negative ways and letting go of being able to fully control and be responsible for that

How over time we become more confident that learning will be happening regardless of circumstances

Giving our children space to really feel what they feel

Unschooling Stanley (Instagram)

What are Sites of Mutual Fulfilment? Something Parents Need More of, That’s What – www.lulastic.co.uk

Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity – Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith (includes description of the seven types of rest)

19 benefits of a good cry: the comforting case for crying (and why it’s good for us) – www.takingakinderpath.com

And as a bonus:

Self-soothing checklists: the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – www.takingakinderpath.com

Most families find their children are happier and healthier when the place they spend their days is a good fit for who they are. For some children, this might be a public school. However, for many others, it isn’t. What learning opportunities already exist in our communities? How can home educating parents and other interested people collaborate with community spaces to offer even more? Could society itself use some deschooling? How might this play out for different families and even people across the lifespan and socioeconomic range, to really tap into opportunities for living and learning for all? Join us as we explore some thoughts, at least scratching the surface, about the possibilities of education that happens beyond a building.

How libraries are wonderful places, often offering more than people realize.

Community spaces are still quite centered around the school schedule and the school year

The benefit of spaces that include a few things such as a playground, sports area,  library, maker space, cafe and others

The changing landscape of home education, from grass roots DIY homeschool groups to sometimes more of a ‘contracting out’

The potential difficulty with social exclusivity in homeschooling when the pool of families is too small

That sometimes there is groundwork that needs to be done in homeschool connections to community spaces. There are benefits to the community doing the inviting, but also an importance to parents being instrumental.

The loss of some overlap between new and experienced homeschool parents as a result of the pandemic as far as guiding and organizing

The misunderstanding that developed about what home education is from so many children doing virtual school at home

Supporting places such as sports and art classes and libraries to figure out what families are wanting, helping them to “deschool” what they offer and collaborating with grace and patience on both sides

The way that societal expectations of standard paths and success don’t match what works for many people and what they are actually doing.

When programs and places such as forest schools are open to hearing children’s ideas as well, great things can happen and the organizers learn oodles from the kids.

Lifespan views – looking at how we accept freedom at various life stages, particularly the senior years

Loosening our grip on how we see success on a whole lot of levels … would that change the way we think about earlier learning?

Democratic schools, self-directed learning centres and private schools and how they fit well for some families and not as well for others

The beauty of multi-age learning and interaction, and ways of making education spaces more family-informed

Flexi schooling – where it’s worked and where it hasn’t. 

How sometimes it’s easier to support our child in joining an existing volunteer opportunity than to try to start a new initiative

How maybe we don't need to be so heavy with curating and setting up opportunities if kids have access to meaningful, purposeful work

The possibility of extending more funding to community and family learning

Resources Mentioned:

Dr. Peter Gray – Libraries as Centres for Self-Directed Education

Forest School Movement

Living Joyfully Podcast – Episode 321

Democratic schools

Teacher Tom

Episode #2: Unschooling A-ha Moments

When families begin an unschooling way of life, they often dig into all the resources – books, articles, blogs, podcasts, social media, in-person connections – and gather as much information as they can. Then, over time, they begin to develop awareness's of their own from actually living this life with their family. Some of this new information might be specific to their particular family, but often others can relate as well. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we share the “a-ha” moments that have come up for each of us over time and realize that many them are relevant to us all.

We discuss:

How the time we spend with children changes as they get older, but it’s not necessarily less

The realization that conversation is one of the most important learning tools

Quantity of time can be just as important as quality and, in fact, having that margin can lead to rich, quality time

The fact that you don’t have to be an expert and that learning can be a shared and enjoyable experience

Unschooling kids can and do sometimes choose structured or academic courses either by necessity, passion or learning style

The art of understanding strewing and intuition in relation to individual personalities

The way unschooling allows us to slow down, be very present and live intentionally, enabling us to live in line with the needs and interests of the people in our families

The continued relationships in families rather than something that ends at 18. It substantially changes the way parents look at the world and opens up a deeper joy of living and learning

Children realizing that adults don’t know everything and don’t have it all figured out

The benefits of making mistakes

How unschooling doesn’t mean never preparing ahead of time. Often kids get more out of an experience with some information and context

The partnership of this lifestyle and that we don’t and can’t bring everything. We are all learning all of the time. It’s a two-way street

Some kids process internally and we can’t always see what’s happening in their learning

The cyclical nature of learning, deepening each time a child revisits something. There’s always more to learn. Sometimes there’s a massive leap after a child steps back and takes some time

That our deschooling process as parents is a form of self-directed learning. We are “self-directed learning about self-directed learning.”

How what our children are learning, what’s happening in their minds and what level they are at, is not actually our business (and how that’s likely a very controversial think to say!)

The ratio of what we bring into our children’s days to what comes up naturally

The idea that the content we bring in or encounter is often the same as various other styles of home education, but the process is different

The importance of detaching from the outcome

Stories of Unschooling Families Community (Founded by Sue Elvis, currently hosted by Erin, Noel and Chellie)

Free to Learn – Peter Gray

Unschooling When Charlotte Mason Also Appeals to Our Hearts – www.storiesofanunschoolingfamily.com

Episode #1: What do our Unschooling Days Look Like? Part 2

Many unschooling families find they develop a rhythm to their days and weeks over time. Some aspects might be natural and others more intentional, but almost always, connection and the individual needs and desires of the people in the family are the foundation. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we chat about what those rhythms look like from our experience and share ideas with each other.

We discuss:

Individual rhythms within family rhythms 

How we find flexibility within the structure that some kids might like 

The strength of relationship when it comes to compromise

Children developing strengths in areas such as empathy, compromise and humility 

Modelling humility and authenticity by apologizing and reflecting back to our children 

The fact that this way of life can be tiring at times!

Embracing their interests but not so much that we can’t let go

The ratio of what we bring into our days versus what children bring or the natural flow of life does. How much do we strew versus let things unfold? 

The art of not being attached to whether what we strew or offer is accepted 

Whether there might be more strewing and introduction to things when kids are young 

The reality of getting into a bit of a rut at times 

Open time doesn’t mean undefined 

The incredible focus and purpose of play

The value of a change of scenery 

The realization that we don’t always know the full depth of learning that’s happening!

Episode #1: What do our Unschooling Days Look Like? Part 1

Many unschooling families find they develop a rhythm to their days and weeks over time. Some aspects might be natural and others more intentional, but almost always, connection and the individual needs and desires of the people in the family are the foundation. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we chat about what those rhythms looks like from our experiences and share ideas with each other.

We discuss:

The role that conversation plays

How the details of the places we live (location, outdoor space, size and layout of house) affect the rhythm of our days 

The beauty of slow living 

What a day in the life of unschooling might look like

The mix of individual and collaborative time

Finding ways for each person to have the quiet time they need 

Whether sit-down family meals are important if home educating families are together all day

The value of cooperation and negotiation within the family 

Family members developing systems of encouraging each other in their plans and pursuits

Whether kids will be able to get themselves organized and function in their future lives if they have so much choice in their childhood about how to spend their time

Examining internal and external motivation 

How what we value influences the way we organize our days

Recalibrating our rhythms after or during times of change 

Prioritizing connection and flexibility

Resources Mentioned in this Conversation:

Rounding the Bend – (Erin’s blog post for A Day in the Life reader series at Simple Homeschool) : https://www.everlearning.ca/a-day-in-the-life-with-a-16-year-old-rounding-the-bend-to-young-adulthood/

www.simplehomeschool.net

www.livingjoyfully.ca

What to Do Instead of School – Part 1: https://livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2013/02/what-to-do-instead-of-school-part-1/

www.suepatterson.com

Stories of Unschooling Families Community (Founded by Sue Elvis, currently hosted by Erin, Noel and Chellie): Stories of Unschooling Families (mn.co)