In this episode of Voices of Esalen, host Sam Stern sits down with two members of the Esalen community, Sarah Lavelle (also known as Sawyer) and Abigail Barnes (also known as Bo), for a heartfelt conversation about non-binary identity, self-expression, and the journey of living beyond the binary.

Topics include personal stories, pronouns, the evolving language of gender, and the beauty and difficulty of being one’s authentic self in a world still learning how to understand.

Sawyer is a longtime full-spectrum doula, facilitator, and devoted practitioner of meditation, Buddha-dharma, and Relational Gestalt Practice in the tradition of Dick Price and Dorothy Charles. A seeker of liberation for all beings, they embody presence and compassion in all they do.

Abigail is a teacher at Big Sur Park School and a beloved presence in the Esalen lodge. Passionate about solitude, Kaula Tantric yoga, and the study of Gestalt, they will soon continue their journey in Stockholm, Sweden, exploring consciousness and education across cultures.

Whether you’re deeply familiar with non-binary experiences or just beginning to learn, this conversation offers something for everyone: insight, openness, and the radical courage of being.

Additional Resources:

https://www.assignedmedia.org/

https://bookshop.org/p/books/who-s-afraid-of-gender-judith-butler/19994814?ean=9781250371911&next=t

https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-nonbinary-people-how-to-be-respectful-and-supportive

https://transequality.org/resources/supporting-transgender-people-your-life-guide-being-good-ally

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

https://www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-about-transgender-non-binary-athletes

Ari Kuschnir is a filmmaker, creative strategist, and the founder of the production company m ss ng p eces. His work is driven by themes of empathy, consciousness, and transformation.

In this episode, Ari joins Sam for a wide-ranging conversation on the future of storytelling, particularly in the arena of AI filmmaking. They explore the ethical and emotional landscape of generative AI, and his new Esalen-inspired short video, a surreal time-traveling narrative conjured through text-to-video tools.

Also included:

— How AI filmmaking serves as a collective dream engine and wish-fulfillment machine

— The origin story Ari's "Transmutation" series and why they work in the medium of AI film

— Whether cinema and art can become a tool for cultural repair and personal empowerment

— The strange kinship between algorithmic hallucination and spiritual insight

This is a rich and intimate conversation with a trailblazing artist that centers around what it means to create meaningful media in a time of profound transformation.

We sit down with Dr. Elizabeth Philipose to trace the roots of modern patriarchy back to the “1492 paradigm” of Euro-colonialism and its enduring assault on femininity, the body, and the earth. Elizabeth unpacks how ideas of weakness, passivity, and scarcity were written into our social, political, and economic institutions, and how those same systems still drive homophobia, environmental destruction, and today’s surge of authoritarian fear.

Dr. Philipose also lays out the foundations of decolonial wellness, showing how trauma is embedded in our bodies, and offering practices, from guided journeying to radical self-love, that awaken a more expansive sense of self. She explores the “boomerang effect” of imperial violence at home and abroad, the radical potential of mothering and “original love,” and why reclaiming the Divine Feminine is essential to building societies grounded in peace and wholeness.

Dr. Philipose at Esalen, May 26-30, 2025

https://www.esalen.org/workshops/embracing-the-divine-feminine-a-mystical-approach-05262025

Ramzi Fawaz is an award-winning queer cultural critic, public speaker, and educator. He is the author of two books, including "The New Mutants: Superheroes and the Radical Imagination of American Comics" (2016), and "Queer Forms." (2022). In 2019-2020, Fawaz was a Stanford Humanities Center fellow. He is currently a Romnes Professor of English at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

Please be warned: this conversation is a firehose of brilliance. We cover a frankly outrageous number of topics, including: The politics and poetics of gender/ The radical imagination of the 1960s and 70s/ What happens when college students of today read manifestos from the 1970s and discover just how fiery, and fearless those voices actually were/ How feminist and gay liberation were deeply intertwined... and yet different/ The dark seduction of wounded identity and the political dead-end of suffering as a personality/ What the Beatles, postwar masculinity, and femme androgyny have to do with trans desire and cultural anxiety/ How trans liberation actually predates gay liberation in the U.S. / Teaching as ego dissolution: what it means to use the classroom like a psychedelic space. / And the idea that pluralism — true, radical pluralism — begins by accepting that you will be changed by contact with people who are radically different from you.

Ramzi Fawaz is bold, funny, passionate about teaching, absurdly articulate, and I think you’ll find he is deeply attuned to the moment we’re living in.

https://www.ramzifawaz.com/

Ramzi's Esalen offering: Thinking Like a Multiverse: Embracing a Diverse World

June 23–27, 2025

Register now:

https://www.esalen.org/workshops/thinking-like-a-multiverse-embracing-a-diverse-world-06232025

A quick note on AI: I use LLMs (often the multi-purposse ChatGPT, sometimes other models) to help me with various tasks associated with podcast production, including help with writing my intros, generating questions for my guests, and episode titles. Occasionally I create episode graphics, too. I almost never take the AI output as-is; I subscribe to Ethan Mollick's notion of co-intelligence, in that I edit what's been given me, add my own creativity, and aim for the best possible output in the end. My hope is that this will create a better Voices of Esalen. - SS

Today, we're opening the vaults to share a rare and remarkable recording from Esalen’s rich historical archive: a 1967 lecture and live demonstration by none other than Dr. Ida Rolf, the pioneering founder of Structural Integration—more commonly known today as Rolfing.

But what is Rolfing? Often described as intense (and sometimes even painful), Rolfing is a powerful form of bodywork that focuses on the manipulation and realignment of connective tissue—fascia—to promote structural balance and physical freedom. Ida Rolf believed that by methodically reorganizing the body’s structure in gravity, not only could chronic pain and postural issues be resolved, but profound emotional and psychological healing could also occur.

This archival gem features Dr. Rolf in her element—lecturing with intellectual precision, delivering her insights with wit and candor, and guiding a live demo with such vivid specificity that, even without visuals, you feel transported into the room beside her. It’s a masterclass in both bodywork and presence.

A little backstory: Ida Rolf first came to Esalen in the 1960s at the invitation of famed Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls, who would become one of her earliest champions. According to The Upstart Spring, Rolf worked on Perls daily for a week. On the seventh day, during a neck session, he passed out—briefly. When he came to, he recounted a deeply buried trauma: a therapist twisting his neck under anesthesia decades earlier. The memory, and its accompanying tension, had haunted him for years. He credited Rolf’s work with helping to release it.

After that, Perls became an ardent supporter of Rolfing, and Ida returned to Esalen again and again. Esalen Institute would become the West Coast hub for her method, just as it had for Gestalt therapy.

This episode is a rare opportunity to hear Dr. Rolf in her own voice, offering not just a window into the origins of Rolfing, but a taste of the charisma, intellect, and force of will that helped her change the way we think about the body, healing, and human potential.

Today we’re sharing a conversation that took place in October 2022, between members of the Esselen Tribe of Monterey County and the Esalen Institute.

Representing the Esselen tribe are Jana Nason and Stephen Vicente Arevalo. Jana Nason is an Esselen and Rumsen descendant, and an enrolled tribal member of the ETMC. She is the nonprofit secretary, and serves on the Tribal Council as Tribal Administrator and Secretary, Publications Chair, and Cultural Resource Committee member. She also manages the Cultural Archeological Monitoring program and serves her Tribe in that capacity. She is dedicated to educations, and protecting and preserving the cultural heritage and ancestral sacred sites.

Stephen Arevalo is a Esselen and Rumsen descendant. He is deeply passionate about his ancestry and has started a language re-learning class for tribal members. He is an educational speaker, and an active community member.

Representing Esalen Institute is Douglas Drummond. Douglas served as the Director for Healing Arts and Somatics and the Director of Community Alliance at Esalen Institute. He is also Esalen faculty. Douglas is originally from Aotearoa, New Zealand, where he lives with his wife Lucia Horan and daughter Olivia.

Learn more about the Esselen Tribe at https://www.esselentribe.org/

For further educational materials, please refer to the ETMC website and these resources.

bigsurcalifornia.org: Esselen Indians of Big Sur and Monterey County

https://www.bigsurcalifornia.org/esselen.html

Monterey County Historical Society: A Brief Overview of the Esselen Indians of Monterey County

https://mchsmuseum.com/local-history/native-american-groups-and-cultures/a-brief-overview-of-the-esselen-indians-of-monterey-county/

Legends of America: Esselen Tribe of California

http://www.legendsofamerica.com/esselen-tribe-california/

Once again, we’re diving deep into the Esalen archives to share a fascinating historical recording - this one featuring electronic music pioneer Doug McKechnie.

In the late 1960s and early '70s, Doug McKechnie was at the cutting edge of musical innovation, harnessing the revolutionary Moog synthesizer to create mesmerizing sounds. McKechnie was a contemporary of iconic figures like Wendy Carlos, known for the 1968 record "Switched-on Bach," a collection of pieces by Bach that were performed by Carlos on the Moog synthesizer. This album, which won a Grammy for Classical Album of the Year, played a key role in bringing synthesizers to popular music. McKechnie was also tied to the Grateful Dead, contributing to the band's most experimental album, "Aoxomoxoa.” He also played at Altamont, not really a feather in anyone’s cap, but it shows the breadth of his growing popularity, and that of the Moog synthesizer.

Moogs are characterized by distinctive electronic timbres and pulsating rhythms, as well as hypnotic sequences. They are very much a part of the psychedelia of the late 1960s, fitting right in with the oil light shows, pop art, face paint and neon day glo colors of the time. The Moog’s ability to generate evocative psycho-acoustic atmospheres allowed musicians like McKechnie to tap into the exploration of internal landscapes that seemed to naturally occur during psychedelic adventures.

The performance you’re about to hear was recorded live at Esalen in the late 1960s, preserved for decades on half inch to reel, then dusted off, digitized, and transported to you via the magic of podcasting.

So sit back, relax, and let the Moog take you on a trippy auditory journey to a pivotal moment in musical and technological history.

Richard Horan first arrived at Esalen in the mid 1960s, traveling from Los Angeles to Big Sur at the height of a cultural renaissance. He was an early member of the Esalen massage crew and played a pivotal role in founding the Esalen Garden, a space that continues to nourish the land and community today. He was also deeply involved in the psychedelic inquiry of the time.

Over the years, his connections to Esalen deepened: with Gabrielle Roth he had a son, Jonathan Horan. Later, he married Peggy Horan, and together they raised two daughters, Lucia and Jasmine.

Horan's purpose as an artist was revealed to him during his time at Esalen when he founded the Art Barn as a collective with other artists. 

Horan remains legendary in Big Sur for his mastery of jade carving. His work includes rings, earrings, pendants, belt buckles, and sculptures, many of which are inspired by ancient esoteric symbols and indigenous traditions. His signature earrings are renowned for their thin-cut jade, which allows light to pass through.

As a multi media artist, he has worked in depth with clay, redwood and jade, making musical instruments, art objects and jewelry.

Today, we’ll hear from Richard as he reflects on his journey—his artistic process, his connection to Esalen, and the life he has built in harmony with the wild nature of Big Sur.

See Richard's work at

http://www.richardhoranbigsurjadejewelry.com

A few months ago we brought you a real Esalen check-in (episode one). This practice, rooted in the Gestalt therapy that evolved at Esalen over the years is an authentic cornerstone of the Esalen experience. It's often described as a catalyst for self-awareness, connection, and personal growth.

Today's episode is a continuation - Episode 2.

Our check-in features Alex Shepherd, Peggy Horan, Jess Siller, Faith Blakeney, Shira Levine, and Sam Stern.

What you'll hear is real. It is authentic and unscripted. While our participants were aware of being recorded, they spoke from the heart. We've made every effort to preserve the intimacy and rawness of the experience with only minimal editing.

This is the secret sauce - the open, honest sharing that forms the foundation for personal transformation.

Today we're opening up the vault to share an extraordinary archival recording from one of the most influential figures in Esalen's history, Frederic Spiegelberg — and while that name might not be as immediately recognizable as some of the luminaries who graced Esalen's grounds, like Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts, or Gabrielle Roth, understanding Frederic Spiegelberg and his place in Esalen mythology might be key to understanding Esalen itself . . . because in truth, without Frederic Spiegelberg, there might well never have been an Esalen at all.

In 1950, Esalen co-founder Michael Murphy was just another Stanford student when he, by complete accident, attended one of Friedric Spiegelberg's philosophy courses. As recounted in Jeffrey Kripal's fantastic book, “Esalen: America and the Religion of No Religions,” that single class would become an initiatory event that transformed Murphy's life forever, providing a pivotal bridge into the metaphysical, the mystical, and the psychical realms, dimensions that would go on to define the course of his life.

The recording you're about to hear takes place in 1968, nearly two decades after Michael Murphy’s satori. Frederic Spiegelberg, as you'll hear, is still a force to be reckoned with. He speaks of the convergence between Eastern and Western thought, the transformative power of spiritual experience, and the boundless capacity for human growth.

And as you listen to this beautiful recording, originally made on half-inch reel to reel tape that we've recently uncovered in the Esalen vault, dusted off, digitized, and are in the process of joyfully rediscovering, maybe consider this: that you're not just hearing a lecture from the past. Instead, you're taking part in a transmission. A thread that connects the early days of Esalen to the present moment. You're stepping into the very space where minds were opened and spirits awakened and the seeds of some sort of transformation were sown.