Warped

Looking back on the history of the show, this will be remembered as "The One Where Jake Gave Matt the Sound Board He Had Constantly Been Requesting". Erin drizzles some plant butter on everyone, and Minh is discombobulated by his kryptonite, tomato juice. Philippe refuses to self-affirm in public, even if he does have a hankering for some seitan.  Minh emerges from the comfort of his crevasse to investigate the mysteries of accidental insertion. Matt gives us the the Furry 411 on our carpet-clad friends on all frequencies of the fuzzy spectrum. These notes are running long, and Minh needs to go to the bathroom, so bye for now. 

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As we delve further into Bones' bedroom behaviors, our everyday lives start to devolve into meme theater, and Shawn inadvertently spawns a new segment of the show where he performs an assistive listening version of common gifs. Minh tanks his audition for Plant Creature #2. Corrections Corner takes us on a trip down Special Guest first appearance memory lane. Whatever you do, don't drink soda while you're giving someone "The Crackle." Erin fails out of her mythological creature seminar... or does she?! Yes. Yes, she does, but stick around for her Corky Romano redemption. Before we draw "Last Blood," Matt drops the biggest correction burn of the series squarely on Shawn's innocent, unsuspecting face. We really start sorting out a lot of our issues when the recording light flashes, so buckle up.

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We're busting open a bottle of Boone's Farm, because when the director is colorblind and the Klingon sounds vaguely Scottish, you might as well toss back a few. We have trouble hearing each other over the deafening sound of the sun, and then decide to take a break from meat to give Paula Abdul the props she deserves. Stay tuned, she may drop by the studio later. There's a bit of difficulty starting back up on our marathon training, but we need to get on that to make sure we're able to escape our natural predators. Matt brings the best game based on friendship ever debuted on Warped, and it proves that as friends we're pretty "meh".

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The crew is waiting to exhale, because while they carry the whole universe in their pockets, they still feel dead inside. Wow! That was a heavy opener to this week's description. Let's lighten up a bit! Santa Claus! Good, now we can talk about how we'll pioneer sexual escapades with many-armed and legged aliens. Star Trek Cats are poised to throw Jake out of his formerly cast-iron placement as favored Warped producer, but then Minh cracks under the pressure and walks out of the studio. We branch off into the pornographic ASMR podcast genre, scaring off most of our remaining adult fans, but attracting and emboldening some fringe listeners. If you're still game though, don't miss Matt's intro to The Lorelei Signal, he really sets the tone for the whole back half. Then we quickly revert the tone to more standard fare with a record-breaking number of games of FMK.

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While Jake is off getting pooched by Marc Maron, the crew kicks off their adventure into the far reaches of Star Trek: The Animated Series. The crew keeps trying to ruin Scooby-Doo for Erin, and everything is ruined by the flowering of a certain sexual tree. The whole animation business gets us wondering about Botox and using the power of science to reverse the aging process. Much like the listeners of the Warped podcast, we ask about The Animated Series: "Who is this for?" Seriously, though, Matt generates a ton of geek cred for us by dropping some hot Trek knowledge straight off the dome, which is well-timed, since the internet decides that it doesn't love us while we are trying to record. Fortunately, we agree to ourselves that it's just a show, and should really just relax.

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It's the penultimate episode of "The Original Series" and we are just now finding out what little half-Vulcan babies are made of. Enjoy some strange tales from late night at the Luxor. The Spirit of Gene sticks it to the temperance league with a salacious double belly button. Bones is trying to divide and conquer on the only woman in his particular time period, and it's gross, everybody, it's super gross. Erin gives us an update on sometimes-cat, Bosley. If you were hoping to find an episode with more jokes about meat, you're in luck! Be sure to listen to the end to marvel at the fated first encounter between Roddenberry and Asimov.

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This week, we're taking a quick break from cross talk to talk crossovers. We all don our crocheted bed covers and groove out with Hippies in space. We're intrigued to discover that Captain Kirk is the Don Draper of space, sexually speaking. As Minh relates more stories from Burning Man, the rest of the crew confirm that it's horrible and should be avoided at all costs. Matt gives Minh a dose of his unique brand of encouragement. Enjoy a rundown of our favorite and most-watched moves, such as The Matrix and The Karate Kid, but especially the balletic masterpiece with a budding young Zoe Saldana, Center Stage. Matt warns us about the fact that he will recite the dialog of the second Star Trek movie word for word when we watch it in the future. Our recommendations this week: Under the Silver Lake, Years and Years, and Joe Manganiello. All this, plus Corrections Corner!

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We're shooting some tequila in a toast to love and to lovers this week. While Philippe and Erin work out their heartbreaking relationship difficulties, the crew muses about musical accompaniment and our show's theme song. Like Captain Kirk, we're going to bang the love into you as we nerd out about our future attendance at Star Trek Las Vegas. Minh shares his thoughts about some other Star Trek podcasts, we work on our rider for our many future public appearances, and Shawn navigates some tricky parenting territory. It's laundry day, so you know it's time for a quick trimming of the nethers. A Titanic rift forms between the crew, but The Little Mermaid brings us back together. Matt is angrily promoting our show on Twitter, we critique Spock's nonconsensual mental assault, and we have some new recommendations this week, featuring Matthew McConaughey, Queer Eye, and Betrayal at House on the Hill.

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While Shawn and Matt are out with simultaneous and purely coincidental cases of mono, the rest of the Warped crew go off the rails in a complete misuse of their newfound freedoms. We take the opportunity to chat about everything from cultural alienation to surgically enhanced knees, Scotty creep-factor, a bit of the scratchy-scratchy, and even safe words. We imagine the future of the world under the influence of VR until the discussion gives us motion sickness. Stalin gives Ringo Starr the business. Our mascot cat is used in a pictorial celebration of the work of R. Crumb. We discover that you're never too old for a brand new kink, which, of course, steers us right into Furry territory. Erin will probably not follow through on a prank to cheat Shawn's rating quiz, but "shhhh", it's a secret. Jake and Philippe close things out with a life-affirming hymn. Remember, if you feel like we're starting to take things a little too far, just shout, "hippopotamus."

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This week, the crew mutinies against the normal hosts of the show and broadcasts some pirate Warped radio. We take some shots at the Spartans now that they aren't around to defend themselves. Jake gets scatty about Scotty, Erin explores the navel while waiting for her new vacuum, and talks about her adventure in rehabilitating Bosley, our sometimes podcast mascot. While Erin is away, the boys sneak in some Dungeons & Dragons talk, but we all reconvene to chat about the Cats musical movie, Dr. Pimple Popper, cat dads, prom jams, Sonic the Hedgehog, and fine custom jewelry.

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