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Ep5 Why Do I Constantly Feel Like A Victim?

Greetings…Welcome to the Way of the Emotional Warrior Podcast. My name is Kai Ehnes and I am your host for this journey. So, why do any of us feel like victims, maybe some of the time or maybe quite often. Have you ever found yourself experiencing the following? “Why is this happening to me? Why Me? What did I do to deserve this?”

Well…today we are going to look deeper into the emotion behind this feeling of being a victim. The emotion we are talking about is Guilt. This is the second emotion on the scale of Consciousness by Dr. David Hawkins. Last week we looked at shame which is the lowest vibrational emotion. It calibrated at a 20/1000. Guilt is the next emotion up calibrating at 30/1000. You can see that this still a very low vibration.

I do want to address a point of reference for you. Hawkins found that the tipping point of emotional mastery begins at 200/1000. The majority of humans average right below that. So as a whole we are very close to breaking through. This is why I chose to do this work with my podcast. I want to help as many people as possible master their emotions to cross over the 200 vibrational level. Life takes on a very different quality at that point and it is absolutely beautiful and amazing.

So, back to the emotion of guilt. What is happening at this level? Well, we tend to believe that life is a pretty “evil” thing. Key characteristics of guilt revolve around punishment. We punish ourselves, quite a bit, and we often lash out to punish others. This projection helps us to temporarily relieve our guilt. But fairly quickly, if we don’t try to resolve it, we are right back into the punishment quandary.

Another trait is that in guilt we manipulate others. This is where the victimhood comes into play. We take life events which may very well be truly awful and perceptually tell the story of the event as something that happened to us. We manipulate others to pity and feel sorry for us, as well as, we get a sense of significance. Again, this is a temporary soothing of our wound. Many people struggle with this cycle their entire lives. It can lead unconsciously to being accident prone and even show thoughts of suicide.

It is an unforgiving emotional attitude that can easily be exploited by those who use coercion and control for that purpose. Here is an example: You tell yourself the story that something happened in your past and you are consistently making yourself feel guilty about it. One day as you flip through the TV channels, you hear someone talk and they catch your attention. They are talking about guilt and in a very compelling way, convince you that if you send them money your guilt will be assuaged. In your mind it makes logical sense to give them money or property because they promised you relief from your guilt. You appreciate the release. The problem is that 1) they exploited you and 2) while you might feel some relief, you never addressed the core issues so your guilt creeps back in. Do you give more money? More money equals more release…but you are still not healed.

There are many manifestations of this emotional vibration. However, without cleaning up the entanglement, all new events in your life will be perceptually tainted with guilt. Ex. Someone cuts you off in traffic. Emotionally clean – you would barely notice the event. Emotionally guilt ridden, you feel wronged and therefore want to punish them, so you chase them and as we all know, road rage never ends well.

So how can we heal our past?

Unresolved feelings about events affect our perceptions. They tend to disable us in certain areas of our lives. Is it worth paying the continuing cost? Our job is to develop techniques that let us handle these energies.

In a second book by Dr. David Hawkins, called “Letting Go” he shows how to let go of these disabling emotional vibrations. The simplest way to let go of anything is to create a new adventure of your guilt...

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Greetings…Welcome to the Way of the Emotional Warrior Podcast. My name is Kai Ehnes.

Today, I thought that we would take a deeper look at the emotion of shame. Shame is the first of the lower emotions as described in the Levels of Consciousness by Dr. David Hawkins. Typically, the lower emotions are called negative emotions but it might be more advantageous to look at them as energy draining. You know, the ones where you feel kind of bad, drained, lack luster.

Before we deep dive into shame, I wanted to foreshadow just a bit. Over the next few episodes we will dive into one emotion per week. At first they will seem very negative, which they are, however, there will come a tipping point. At that point we will move into the positive or energy creating emotions where the emotional needle will create a self perpetuating momentum and your life will take on a very positive, fun, exciting and rewarding rhythm…yay!

So, what is this downer emotion called shame?

Brene Brown has done tremendous work on shame and vulnerability. Take a look at her TED talk. It is amazing. She says that shame is an unspoken epidemic. Shame tells you are not good enough. Things happened when you were growing up and we all know it. Everyone is a critic but it turns out the harshest critic is you. She says shame runs two tapes, 1 not good enough and when you get past that the enters “who do you think you are?” shame is not guilt, shame focuses on self, guilt focuses on behavior. I am bad versus I did something bad. Shame is highly correlated to depression, addiction, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders. She says shame is different by gender. For women its about doing it all, doing it perfectly, and never letting them see you sweat. For men shame is “do not be perceived as weak. The antidote to shame is empathy and a great place to show and experience that is by consciously listening.

On a similar note, Dr. David Hawkins investigated shame by using muscle testing to create a hierarchy or staircase of emotions from lowest to highest. He talks about this in detail in his book, Power vs Force.

Starting from the bottom, he found that the lowest emotion is shame. Shame is experienced as the emotion of humiliation.

Let’s take a look at this. Your emotional state is shame. This starts as the basis for your narrative. This becomes the reference point of every experience throughout your day. Shame will determine how we parent, how we interact with others, how we view ourselves. Every experience is filtered through this emotion and will become self deprecating because it is a completely negative, downward driving and draining emotion. It is experienced through the need for perfection which of course sets up failure and thus spirals further downward.

Because you feel this through the filter of shame you feel miserable. On top of that you set the mood for the day as well as your overall approach to life. You have determined that all events, which by themselves are neutral, will pass through the filter of shame and humiliation. A great exercise is to write down as many of your experiences in one day as possible and see how your perception of them is determined by the reference filter of your base emotion.

Let’s say you have a stressful email waiting for you at work. You open it, read it and a dissatisfied customer lists their grievances with angry email tone. Is it really as bad as you make it out to be? Is the person trying to harm you? The problem is that the email is experienced through the filter of shame and any issue by the customer is seen by you as a failure within you. You were not perfect. Or you react to it with anger and violence because you view it as an attack.

If your base reference point for experiences in the day is rooted in shame then your difficult email just became an attack on you when in essence it was the author of the email just writing their frustration.

This has happened by 8:05 am. How...

Greetings…Welcome to the Way of the emotional warrior podcast. My name is Kai Ehnes.

Top 5 Strategies to Enhance How You Listen

1. Do you listen to people? Really listen when they are speaking or are you busy with your own inner dialogue waiting to speak? Ready to pounce in with a reponse.

a. Picture that you are sitting at a café and you are meeting up with a friend. Your conversation is casual and a few minutes in the other person starts to open up and talks about something vulnerable.

b. Do you notice the shift? Are you aware of their needs at that moment? Are you able to quiet down and truly listen?

c. Are you able to shut down your own inner dialogue, you know the judge, jury, executioner voice, so that you can really hear what the other person is saying or do you make all about you?

d. The other person may not even be aware of their own shift. It simply came out.

e. How do you respond? Do you instantly want to “fix” them? Do you want to tell them how it should be solved?

f. Can you shut down any of your own ulterior motives?

2. Conscious listening supports genuine transformation and honors the intelligence of the head, heart and gut in both you and the other person.

3. How do we actually communicate?

a. The original research by Albert Mehrabian created the notion of the 7% rule, meaning that only 7% of what we say in words makes it to the other person

b. According to research in psychology today, 7% is actual spoken words, 38% tone of voice and 55% body language

c. So, tone of voice and body language have a tremendous role in what is communicated

4. What does this mean for conscious listening?

a. It means that emotions play a powerful role in communication

b. If how we say something and how we express it, make up 90% of what we take in as information then we are responsible for what we say and what we hear

c. Example of café

i. If I roll my eyes when the other person is vulnerable that could be devastating.

ii. If I constantly look at my phone, my disinterest becomes pretty obvious

iii. If I make it about me it stops their process. Simply share that you too have had such an experience and therefore can understand.

5. So what are some ways to listen attentively and genuinely?

a. Mirroring – when the other person has a break in their story repeat the meaning of what was said back to them using your own words

i. Ex: in café- they are telling their distress happening at their work due to a verbally abusive coworker.

1. It is obviously a difficult experience for them.

2. When they break to take a breath, say back to them: can I take a moment to share back with you what I heard you say? Then say what they meant back using your own words.

3. This technique has been used in therapy very successfully. It validates what the person said and is experiencing.

b. Empathy – much deeper than sympathy, shows an emotional connection by standing in their shoes.

1. Café ex – you can easily show empathy for the workplace distress. Think of a time where someone has shut down one of your ideas. We have all been there.

2. Now, you and the other person are moving along together and they are not alone in the conversation. Whenever 2 or more people are gathered for healing – that’s when the magic happens.

c. Listen with heart-mind balance

i. While the person is telling their story and you make the shift to listener, simply slow down your own breath by breathing slowly in and out while they talk.

ii. No one knows this is happening but you. However, your emotional state and what you...

This episode is the "WHY" of this podcast. Please join the conversation and master your emotions.

How Your Why Elevates Your Game

Hello, My name is Kai Ehnes and I will be your mentor and guide as we learn how to master the way of the emotional warrior.

Join the Conversation at www.kaiehnes.com

Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/way_of_the_emotional_warrior/ (way_of_the_emotional-warrior)

What are we going to be talking about today?

Today we will be talking about your why – your purpose

An undeveloped why

Then we will talk about some of the scholarship of what’s happening

Then we will look at how that is going to improve your human experience

Your why – I believe that deep down we all want to live an exceptional life

An exceptional life is rooted in life experiences and as many of you have experienced in your own life, these usually come with lessons

What are these lessons in terms of purpose?

What happens is that after these lessons we create some sort of code

This code is usually rooted in survival. Survival is often a good thing but sometimes when trying to live an exceptional life that coding or default setting can actively sabotage us from moving forward.

In order to move toward the next quality of life step you have to begin to establish your values and this begins with declaring your personal why.

So what is at the core of this, inside? Simon Sinek who has written some of the great mainstream material on the why, says that your purpose for doing something needs to be more than some sort of mechanical movement. The human experience is deeper than simple surface walking.

So what is this why? What is your purpose? Why do you want to be better at something? Why do you want a better salary or position? Why do you want to lead or follow? Why do you want a great relationship or love someone? Is there a reason why you want good health? Why do you want to contribute to make a difference in the world?

So your why is really a question of the heart. The brain questions come in either or fashions, that’s how the brain is wired. A this or that fashion and as at least as I have experienced in my life, I find that kind of answering incomplete and definitely unfulfilling.

Heart questions like the why, they challenge all of your dimensions, like your body, your mind, your soul, your emotions. When someone has a strong why others will instantly recognize it and then they feel a sense of connection and belonging.

On the other hand, when people focus on the what questions for their primary sense of purpose they often find themselves competing with others rather than bonding.

When your why is strong enough it becomes your life mission. You instantly become able to make a difference because of your ability to inspire yourself and to inspire others.

So how can you find your why? It starts with your needs. For sure, physical and safety needs have to be met but what emerges is that we are actually talking and your spiritual and emotional needs. Once these are set you can sculpt your world to meet those needs and subsequently elevate your quality of life.

How do you identify your why? You begin by asking yourself, how do you want to live? Do you want to unite with others? Do you want to create nurture? Do you want to plant roots and feel connected? Do you want to produce something outside of your childhood programming? Do you want to design a code through which you want to find your way through the world?

I think there are 3 manifestations of the why, we’ll call them groups.

Group1: Most people’s why is unconscious. They are very involved in the material world. They have a compass but there is no needle that is pointing to the north. So, for them its about getting up to do a task list. They do the tasks and at the end of the day they have either completed the list -yeah – or not, boo. This continues day in and day out.

Group 2: smaller group, they have a why, can tell you about what it is, but they don’t live it. They have a compass, the needle points north some of the time, but it is not more important...

Welcome to the Way of the Emotional Warrior Podcast. My name is Kai Ehnes.

You might be asking yourself, what takes place here? What is the way of the emotional warrior?

1. Great question: Did you ever feel so overcome with emotions that you can feel them coursing through your body like electricity?

Overwhelm, Hurt, Resentment, Anger, Fear, Uncertainty, Anxiety, Doubt, Distrust, Despair, Worry, Tension, Stress, Shame, Guilt, Regret

That’s because we experience emotions as bursts of energy moving through the body. The Latin word emotion, ‘emotere’, literally means energy in motion…or E-motion.

Often it feels like there is a gap of disconnect between the energy of our feelings and the actions we believe we are “supposed” to take.

This is the interference that keeps us stuck in broken patterns.

This constant consumption of our emotional energy can leave us feeling depleted and exhausted. It devours our time, our health, and our money. We feel wired and tired, burned up and stressed out.

2. Does all that pressure and stress of the daily hustle and grind bring you the joy and peace you truly crave?

a. ​We must learn how to master and harness the energy of our E-motions in a healthier way to regain our power, vitality, confidence, and quality of life.

3. Where can we look for ways to master our emotions?

a. Neuroscience

i. Through innovative research in the neuroscience of emotions, scientists have discovered that the emotional brain is actually the executive branch—the CEO. It influences all other belief systems, memories, thought processes, and essential decision making.

ii. We think the mind is in charge and is making rational logical decisions…but it’s actually the emotional brain running the show.

iii. The thinking brain merely fills in the gaps with excuses, coping mechanisms, and stress as it tries to catch up.

iv. The drive to move through your emotional energy is in every cell of your body because your nervous system is in constant pursuit of homeostasis (balance).

v. This is how the emotional brain responds faster than our analytical (thinking) brain.

vi. The mind will believe whatever your emotions tell it to (whether it’s factually true or not).

b. Emotional and Spiritual masters

c. Your inner self

4. What is the Way of the Warrior?

a. Your ability to understand and effectively harness stress, worry, and fear is vital to transforming these energy patterns into clear, calm confidence and peace of mind.

Everything that you want is already waiting for you to align your emotions with your intentions.

​This is where all dream fulfillment truly begins.

b. We invite you to join us on a journey of personal transformation and self-discovery ​to become the sensei (master) of your own mind and emotions.

​We will explore strategies to unlock true success and fulfillment from within.

When we create an inner space that is clear and calm it radiates outward into everything we do and everyone we cherish will benefit from this internal renovation.

5. The results are deeply powerful and long lasting.

Develop a mastery mindset…leave the victim behind

Create the life you desire…instead of reacting to every problem

Decide to live the life you want…stop the complaining, excuses, and procrastination

Enjoy abundant wealth and financial independence…trade in lack and scarcity

Harness your natural body-mind wisdom to increase your health and emotional awareness

Embrace the understanding of heart-based resilience…even when faced with challenges

Remove any interference that are draining your health, your time, your money, your energy

It’s time to:

move from contraction to expansion, as you explore the endless possibilities for your future.

feel charged with new vitality and energy as you invite more beauty and joy into your everyday life.

The...