We Fix The League

Sticks and stones may break some bones, but the pals will never hurt you! We’re recapping week 2, chattin’ QBs, and looking ahead to next week.

(0:58) Banter: The pals are feeling confused! What is truth? What is smoke? What does a tie mean? Andre talks about a repetitive work experience. Cameo by Janelle Monae.

(7:30) The big story: Some QBs are suckin’ it up! What is going on? We know exactly what is going on. QBs making an appearance: Cam Newton, Mitchell Trubisky, Josh Allen (actually kinda good?), Joe Flacco, Kirk Cousins. Cameo by disaster preparedness.

(25:25) The big story part 2: QBs are dropping like flies! What is going on? You’ll never believe it, but we still know exactly what is going on. Sam Darnold has mono which makes sense because he’s an athletic millionaire. We crown Smooch City, USA. Cameo by real estate markets.

(35:00) Injuries continued: A little Drew Brees & a lot of Big Ben. The Steelers are in a sticky situation: Talking Mason Rudolph, Mike Tomlin, and the Minkah Fitzpatrick trade. Cameo by names as verbs.

(47:48) Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty: Eli Manning is finally benched. It happened too soon, and yet not soon enough. Cameo by a ferrari.

(56:03) Loyalty x3, pt 2: Adam Vinatieri is pushing the limits of the human body. We come up with several league rules that would benefit the old guard of the league. Cameo by grandpas.

(1:02:46) Jets Disaster Season Bingo: We reveal what’s on our bingo cards and run back all of the horrible luck they’ve had. Cameo by Ballers.

(1:09:41) Finally, some good QBs: Recapping Baltimore vs Arizona with Lamar Jackson and Kyler Murray. The Chiefs who could probably start a golden retriever at WR and Mahomes would still throw TDs. Andre proposes the Gardner Minshew Fellowship. Cameo by the height of comedy.

(1:21:55) Cool celebrations! A spinning triple jump kick, a player who has so much energy that it backfires, and Marquise Goodwin with a faithful recreation of a very boring event. We push the boundaries of celebration theory. Cameo by a celebration within a celebration.

(1:30:40) “The Cool Pal Look of the Week:” The Philadelphia Eagles wore white-on-white. The Dallas Cowboys coaching staff wore some cool shades. Dear listeners, help us choose between these two cool looks. Cameo by NFL laundry.

(1:35:39) Two more legends join the pantheon of our NFL All-Name Team. Cameo by infallible research methods.

(1:38:51) “We Fix the League: Replay Edition.” Saints get screwed, Eagles get screwed, Broncos get screwed. We fix the league. Cameo by a weird NFL rule. 

(1:44:58) Week 3 predictions including the “Infallible Sports Pals ‘Sure Thing’ Bets of the Week” and our ongoing segment “Guess How Much the Dolphins Will Lose By.” Cameo by spacing out.

That’s it!

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There’s a book, and now week 1 is in it. 16 games between 32 teams -- and we're chattin' about 'em!

(1:00) Banter: The pals are feeling overwhelmed! We talk moderation & tolerance but it’s not about booze. Cameo by a Harlem Globetrotters kind of scenario.

(4:39) A QB controversy in Baltimore? Baltimore Ravens @ Miami Dolphins. Cameo by B.S. jobs.

(11:54) “We Fix the League:” Dan & Andre play commissioner and fix the preseason. NY Giants @ Dallas Cowboys. Cameo by old people Meccas.

(17:59) “The Humility Minute:” The things we were perhaps slightly less correct about. Tennessee Titans @ Cleveland Browns. Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles. Cameo by the haters.

(25:30) “The Infallible Greatness Hour:” We predicted a ton of stuff that went right. But nobody could have predicted Gardner Minshew’s swagger. Kansas City @ Jacksonville. Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears. Cameo by In-N-Out milkshakes.

(33:31) “Analytics: The Future Now now now…” We crunch the numbers, look at the math, and tell you why the Denver Broncos are on the cutting edge. Denver Broncos @ Oakland Raiders. Cameo by the windows to the soul.

(39:39) “We Get It:” Jared Goff...we get it. LA Rams @ Carolina Panthers. 

(45:08) “The NFL Gives Back Charitable Moment of the Week:” The Seahawks make one lucky local very happy. Cincinnati Bengals @ Seattle Seahawks. Cameo by technique.

(48:36) Our weekly awards!

(58:09) The “great job exceeding expectations” award with nominees the Colts & the Texans. Indianapolis Colts @ LA Chargers. Houston Texans @ New Orleans Saints. Cameo by a revolutionary roster building idea.

(1:09:08) The “establish the run” award with nominees Mike Zimmer & Matt Patricia. Atlanta Falcons @ Minnesota Vikings. Detroit Lions @ Arizona Cardinals. Cameo by determination.

(1:15:16) “The Detroit Lions Fan Suicide Alert Level:” Pretty High. This game ended in a tie but thank goodness for TJ Hockenson. Kyler Murray got comfortable and it was scary. Cameo by a frank discussion of emotions.

(1:23:27) Week 2 Preview: We look forward to the best and most interesting matchups of the upcoming week. Cameo by plumbing.

That’s it! If you liked what you heard, be sure to tell your friends & enter our jersey giveaway. Thanks for being a pal!

Dan & Andre say "hey" and give you the inside scoop about the podcast - Who are we? What are we doing? Why are we here? Oh God, why are we here!?