We Will Fix You

This week's fixee is addicted to lifehacks - those plausible-seeming fixes for minor productivity wobbles that have none of the scientific and spiritual rigour of our own excellent advice. How, then, to wean them off the bad (everyone else) and onto the good (us)? We'll tell you.

Do you struggle to dress yourself? Not like that, dear listener, or you wouldn't have passed the basic requirements exam we set you. No, do you, like today's questioner, struggle to find clothes that fit, suit, live up to the required but ultimately arbitrary standards of society at large, or just don't have holes in the shoulders for no discernible reason? Allow us to help.

One of our listeners has a problem. Technically you all have problems, but as this one was emailed to [email protected], it's the one we choose to address today. How, we are asked, can one train a colleague when one wishes the very worst diseases of the bum and flaps upon said colleague? We will tell you. We will fix you.

This week's questioner has a problem (obviously). How to receive the heaping showers of praise that make for a happy life without being an insufferable bellend? We have some profound thoughts on the matter.

Local news! Two words to thrill the very soul. And what better typifies the net curtains and "patriotism" of the local discourse than the letters page. This week, we help a listener who's been sucked into the regional paper's heady blend of bypass bickering, bin collection, and gabbling tinpot lunacy. Have you ever felt like writing in to your local rag? Are you a regular writer struggling to stop? Would you like to explore the delights of narcotics, marine life, and a backyard hot tub? We have a little something for everyone this week.

Anxiety can be quite the tricky beast, so how best to tame it? How best to lock it, howling, in the yard at night? How to keep it from upsetting the neighbours? We go in-depth on this one, with a blend of therapy, philosophy, and dick jokes. Here's the original post we based this on.

Nuisance callers, be they marketers, recruiters, or literally anyone with access to a phone because come on who does that, are a problem. A problem today's questioner has turned to us to fix, which we do with gusto. How much gusto? A lot!

It's like you don't understand the concept of gusto.

A constitutional crisis finds us temporarily able to solve Lucy's problem. How do you nourish yourself in the depths of depression? What can you cook without any will to do anything? In this roundtable special, we find out.