We Will Fix You

Sooner or later, everybody dies. But some people have been real dicks along the way. This week, we look at the knotty problem of getting stiffed with end-of-life care for relatives you just don't like all that much. We ask who owes what to who (spoilers: nobody, nowt, nobody) and how you can either stay functional, or make your peace with walking away.

Do you want children? No, of course not. But this week's questioner does, so how might we help them stay off the sauce for long enough to gestate? How do they ease out of a pub-centric social life, and give up alcohol for nine long, dull, dry months of maternity? How, in short, do they fire forth their crotch-fruit unpickled?

This week's questioner wants to learn to love the cockroaches they find themselves suddenly living with and asks us: how? How to love the cockroach? Asking why might also have been a good idea.

In which our heroes fight normalising social pressure in order to discover when it's OK to feminise men for money. It's a minefield of gender theory and good intentions, and we intend to cross it with most of our limbs intact.

Our questioner finds themselves torn between two countries, unable to fully integrate into either. How to adapt, or at least, how to make it work? Can we parlay our totally dissimilar experiences into useful advice? Probably not, but just try and stop us.

This week we're continuing our journey into those little peculiarities, those oddnesses that you're not sure you share with the world at large. We'll give you a strong yes or no and put you at ease, as we are wont to do.

Do you have something that you believe sets you apart from other people, but never found the courage to check? Not to worry, dear probable-freak. We will tell you, en masse, whether it's just you.  This week, we bring succour to, or, at bare minimum, confirm the suspicions of, six listeners who have such suspicions.

Today's questioner struggles with people copying their style, manner and turn of phrase. These imitators are causing no small consternation, so let's see if we can thwart their designs, shall we? With thanks to Canon Hannon's Ham Cannon for additional musical assistance today.

Our questioner wants to do an art, but in the absence of a wealthy patron or fascinating amphetamine addiction, just struggles to find the time. We can help. Plus: what is art? How do you know if you've done enough art? Will our crude daubings on the walls of this grain silo be enough to secure us a legacy that ratles through the aeons? Let's find out - together.

Jobs! We've all got them, and sometimes you work for right proper bastards. What to do? We'll tell you! You're probably not going to like it.