We Will Fix You

One of our plutocratic masters has a problem - to keep a once-productive employee and retrain them, or to quietly shuffle them out behind the chemical sheds and have them shot? Which is kindest? Which is best? We will fix it.

A fenland unfortunate seeks our heroes' advice on life, family, massive bags of delicious heroin, and more. Can they help this rural unfortunate? Of course. But how? There's the rub.

An anonymous correspondent needs help with secret Santa for an absentee colleague - a social nightmare, we're sure you'll agree. Luckily, we will fix it.

We hope that you'll join us in singing The Secret Santa Song at this festive time of year.

Moanin' Mel wants to wear her special hat in the run-up to Thanksgiving, but her co-workers don't appreciate its majesty, and shun her. What to do, what to do? Not to worry - we will fix it.

Young Al wants to know how to drop some weight. Our panel of experts provides a variety of useful solutions.