We’ve got to invade Portland because the president was confused by footage from 2020 and a lady named Cloud is mad about noise ordinances. RFK Jr. is pretending Tylenol causes autism which, you’ll be shocked, made his fellow anti-vaxxers even madder. No worry, we don’t need medicine anymore because we’re rolling out fake alien technology beds that will regrow our limbs and make us all live forever. Another normal week.

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