Silly week. The Thai army wants us to think elephants wear pants. Only one way out of this Epstein mess: Deploy the Jellicle cats. The guy who wants to close schools in Oklahoma to keep porn out of them plays porn at a school board meeting. And finally, a Texas sex scandal where you’ll never guess a huge pro-lifer’s longtime mistress accuses him of paying for abortions and dreaming of the world’s sickest bake sale.

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