The question ‘what is love?’ has been the subject of speculation for millennia. Within the Matrix, the mainstream cultural download of unquestioned assumptions, there is plenty of confusing nonsense spoken about love. Yet it is such an important part of the human experiences. Everyone wants to love and to be loved. But what do we understand about these highly sort after experiences? If we cannot define “love” how can we know what we are looking for, and stand any chance of finding it?

After a lengthy search, the only helpful and meaningful definition of love I have found is the one offered by the brilliant thinker and writer of the last century, Ayn Rand (1905 – 1982). She suggested that “to love is to value”, and that…

“Love is an involuntary response to virtue”

According to her view, we respond to the virtues we see expressed in another that are a reflection of our own deepest values. So, in essence, it is our own sense of life or our own scale of values that sets the standard for who we will love. It is our own values reflected in the character of another person that elicit the emotional response that we call love.

She defined ‘value’ as “that which one acts to gain or keep”, and virtue as t”he action by which one gains or keeps it”. So in order to understand love we need to have a look at the concept of values and know that our own values (held consciously or unconsciously) play a crucial role.

To get a flavour of this definition and how it seems to make sense, try this little exercise. Substitute the word ‘value’ for the word ‘love’ in any sentence about some one or some thing that you love, such as below.

I really value my wife.

I value my car.

I value going on holidays.

I value living here.

I value this outfit.

I really value music! etc, etc.

But what does it mean to value?

Let’s look a little deeper into this idea of valuing. According to Rand valuing something is recognising the positive attributes it either has or those it enables or leads to. We really value (or love) things that add a lot to our lives and the enjoyment of it. And you can say the same for the people we love. We value the positive attributes (or virtues) that they display and therefore bring to our lives. And it is because we are recognising our own deepest values (again consciously or unconsciously) that we tend to be drawn towards those who share our particular set of general values  – those who see the world in the same way that we do.

We need values – our survival depends upon them

Humans cannot survive without values. Whether they are food, shelter, clothes, cars or relationships, or anything else that we need to live. We need to value things, but what is the standard of value? What do we measure the ‘value’ of things against? What is the scale of importance?

Rand suggests that life itself is the standard of value because the fundamental alternative facing any living organism is either existence or non-existence (life or death). It is our continued existence as living beings that sets the standard of what is for us and supports our life (the good), and what is against us and undermines our life (the evil). Therefore what a person perceives as for or against them, according to the sum of their premises, assumptions, beliefs etc, determines what they will love and what they will fear. From this, we can also see that evil is logically defined as ‘that which is anti-life’.

Values are that which supports life, things we need for the maintenance of life and/or its enjoyment. Having a partner obviously supports our life and its enjoyment, as well as the furtherance of our genes and our ongoing investment in the future. See the previous post ̶...