What the HELL Were You Thinking?

In this week’s non-specific cultural seasonal tradition of your choice show, Host Dave Bledsoe is visited by three ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Cash, the Ghost of Christmas Credit and the Ghost of Collections Agencies, to teach him the meaning of hating Christmas.

Along the way we also wonder why there is Christmas in Eternia, ask why we stop killing each other just the one day of year and learn why Dave is not allowed to return to the Republic of South Korea. (Hint: It’s alcohol related.) We are our grievances over the length of the Season, learn to love fossilized feces and to loath the Chrisma-Nazi.

We hope you enjoy this Christmas Classic, that is what we are calling this rather than rerun because Dave was too lazy to write fresh content. On the up side, there are ZERO Trump mentions in this show! So, get off his ass, he is flying to the West Coast to a Socialist Lesbian Atheist Commune Post Solstice Sharing Circle on Christmas Eve! We hope you and yours don’t try to kill each other this weekend.

Promotional consideration provided by Karl Kringle’s Discount Elf Hut. We open the show with Bad Santa and close with Blue Oyster Cult.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 90 “What’s So Civil About War Anyway?”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes us all back to school as the nation’s electors give it the old college try and finally end this god awful election once and for all. Get ready for another pointless history lesson, and some really mediocre Disney musicals featuring Buddy Ebsen!

Along the way we learn about Richard Mentor Johnson and the Octoroon Julia Chinn. We theorize on the potential ramifications of an Electoral College upset at the last moment. (Hint: Think Disastrous) There are some cutting remarks about the hit Broadway play Hamilton AND the actual Alexander Hamilton. (Buy One Get One Free!).

We postulate on what the Second American Civil War might look like, comparing and contrast to other popular Civil Wars in recent history. There WILL be a quiz on the material at the end of the podcast which will count for 30% of your grade. We suggest taking notes.

Then we wrap with really depressing analogies to fatal

diseases and the agony of chemotherapy. (You can assume this is not a “happy” show). But then we bring it all back with the War on Saturnalia!

Promotional consideration for this week’s show by Tom’s Town Criers, keeping a pointless institution alive far past the point it outlived usefulness! We open the show with George Carlin and close with, you guessed it, Guns and Roses.

Citations Need: Not the Mentor we needed, but the Mentor we deserved, 97% Percent Crazy, The inspiration for every Cranberries song ever written, Flirting with Disaster.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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The Show Line: 347 687 9601

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 89: “YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes on Big Dictionary in his never ending quest to have Bloosnargl accepted as an actual word. (Bloosnargl (n): The overwhelming feeling of relief and joy after taking a really big dump. --Dave exited the men’s room with a spring in his step and feeling all bloosnargl.) He also takes issue with the idea of “Post Truth” being Oxford’s word of the year, since it’s a bullshit term and the idea is ripped off from Colbert.

Along the way we learn about the history of fake news in America, and how it gave us the truth about Jefferson going black and not coming back. We also get a Latin lesson no one asked for and learn the the truth about Bat Boy. (Hint: Think Elvis). There is a stunning revelation about Dave regarding the duration of his belief in Santa Claus. (Awkward!) Conspiracies are debunked, feelings are hurt and apologies are not given. Except to Santa who finally did show up with that Millennium Falcon we’d been asking for.

Promotional consideration this week provided by Gut Check, who wants you to know there is nothing you can’t do if you don’t accept the truth! We open the show with Rust Cohle and close with Frank Zappa.

Citations Need: Check your Callender Jefferson!, a MUCH better podcast, Alcuin of York was a Yasss Queen.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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The Show Line: 347 687 9601

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE #88: “SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe steps into the uncomfortable shoes of women in Trumpmerica and finds that even though they are painful and sexist, these 4” Stiletto heels make his legs look amazing. On a slightly less disturbing topic, the show dives into the ideas the incoming administration might have for making America great again for women. (Hint: They are only great for dudes.)

We discuss abortion rights (Gone) contraception (Yeah Right) sexual harassment (All lies) and rape culture (made up) and how they will be handled. We meet the men who will be helping all you ladies understand the complexities of your own bodies and minds, including a new spokesman (none of that spokesperson business here!) that will reach out to the youth of America! Along the way we meet the new Twitter Czar, a position that we made up but will almost certainly exist shortly! Finally, we discuss Ivanka’s plan to help the visually unappealing reach full employment!

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is provided by Mansplainer, explaining that you really don’t know the thing you clearly think you know! We open the show with George Carlin’s simple explanation of the GOP’s plan for women and close the show with Liz Phair.

Citations Needed: There’s gotta be some kind of punishment, Names you may know.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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The Show Line: 347 687 9601

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Episode 87 Thanksgiving In Hell

This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes us on an emotional journey through the bowels of the American tradition of trying not to kill your relatives during Thanksgiving Dinner. (He’s not big on original ideas apparently). With helpful tips for avoiding a fight honed over years of conflict resolution this show is a must listen while heading home for the holiday. We also learn there is word for trying to kill your Uncle with a carving knife during a family argument!

Along the way we talk about the best way to get your weed through airport security. (Hint: It’s not in your butt, they look there) and how to avoid spending the long weekend in a local lockup with a lonely redneck. We also examine the emotional trauma of off brand kid’s clothing, and how to spot the asshole in any group of people. (Hint: check the mirror). We also provide contingency plans for when your good intentions go straight to Hell and you are forced to take on the forces of stupidity. (It involves an 80’s movie, surprised?)

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Distractors, a handy app for avoiding familial conflict, so long as you don’t expect a miracle. We open the show with Aunt Gladys and close with Elton John. Happy Thanksgiving and god help us all!

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 86: AMERIKA ÜBER ALLES

This week Host Dave Bledsoe sits down with everyone’s favorite frog and talks about how it’s not easy being green--no, not THAT one, the other one, the Nazi Frog. Man, Kermit must be pissed right now. Our show talks about He Who Shall Not Be Named choice for Senior White House Strategy Advisor and Propaganda Minister Steve Bannon. This will not be pleasant for anyone, frankly we are still trying to shower the stink off us in the research department.

Along the way we discover that Joe Biden personally whacked Andrew Breitbart (He didn’t) how much Orange America loves minorities (they don’t) and Dave’s knack for making analogies with truly disturbing sex acts in truck stop bathrooms. (don’t ask.). We take a look at the spike in incidents of making America great in school cafeterias and public transportation and wonder when we are going to stop winning so much! (In about four years) We also propose a final solution for the Alt Right. We try to reach out the the White Working Class and find common ground only to find we don’t have any. It should be a fun show.

Promotional consideration by the Campaign to Repeal Godwin’s Law, because sometimes they really ARE Nazis! We open the show with some inspiring speech by a happy Trump supporter and close with They Might Be Giants. Because you have too.

Citations Needed: Totally NOT Racists, 437 and Counting, Tracking the New Normal, They seem nice, Tell us, in your own words., The Kids Aren't Alt Right.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 85: “What Did You DO Ray?”

Well shit. Shit. Shit. Shit, Shit. SHIT! We were supposed to be on a BEACH RIGHT NOW god damnit! We don’t want to be here, you sure as hell didn’t want us here, but now we gotta do THIS SHIT. Thanks a LOT America! This week Host Dave Bledsoe wipes the tears from his eyes, takes a long pull from the bottle and talks about what the fuck just happened to America.

Along with the rest of the media, we start apportioning blame for the catastrophic goat fuck that was election 2016 and we ALL know who's to blame. (HINT: It’s Dave). We talk in detail about all the things that happened to bring us to the Presidency that we refuse to name and only refer to by a Third Person Pronoun from now until IT is impeached in 18 months, tops. We talk about docile Democrats, the Bernie Bros (Yeah, we’re sorry dudes, our bad!) the GOP and fucking useless cable television circle jerk. We stick a knife into the Facebook Bubble and of course the back of both candidates and the parties that gave them to us. We close with the real villains of the piece. (Hint: It’s probably you)

Along the way we talk frat house masturabatory practices, the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, and what the fuck Alexander the Great has to do with this election. (The actual guy not the homoerotic movies of the same name.) We also wonder if the people marching the streets showed up to vote. (Highly Unlikely). It’s a show that starts off sad, but ends angry. Just like America.

Promotional consideration by Sad-Away, it doesn’t cure depression but you will too stoned to care. We open the show with Choice of the Traveller’s Form and close with Rage Against the Machine.

(For links to show notes visit the website)

Citations Needed: Black people? Never heard of ‘em, Those damn emails, Pew, Pew Pew, Facebook: We don’t make the news, we make it shittier It Fucking Won?

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE #84: “The Waiting Is the Hardest Part”

In this our big pre-election show Host Dave Bledsoe loses his damn mind trying to hold it together for the 100 hours. Things do NOT go well.

As election 2016 draws to a close we look as the sad, divided country and wonder how the hell we are going to sit across the Thanksgiving table in a few weeks and not try to kill each other with our wishbones. (HInt: Stab for the eyes). We talk about the FBI leaking like the Titanic post iceberg, the sheer hell of poll watching and wonder if we are going to sleep at all between now and Tuesday night. (Based on current trends: No.) We talk about Crazy Eddie the Car Wash Dude’s prediction for next week (William Howard Taft in an Electoral College squeaker), how J. Edgar Hoover liked to be peed on and finally a plea for sanity and civility from the guy who's been calling Trump supporters Trumpvangelicals for months. (Too little, too late).

We also remind you that the show will be a creative hiatus for the next few weeks as the host and writing staff detox from the binge drinking this election has forced upon them. Unless of course Trump wins, in which case we will be broadcasting until they come to place us in the camps.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by --INSERT CANDIDATE HERE--2020 a New Voice for America, A New Way for President. We open the show with wise words from All the President’s Men and close with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Pray for the giant meteor!

Citations Needed: Mulder and Scully would NOT approve, Sounds Totally Legit.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES: Special Edition #8: “Not This Shit Again”

Host Dave Bledsoe cannot believe he is back here on a Sunday doing this shit AGAIN! Since 2016 is the election that keeps on giving (Mostly ulcers) here is a Special Edition of the show talking about Comey-Gate and what it means for the election. (Hint: Not much.)

Along the way he warns about the dangers of DIY pet burial, not to take a job as a Congressional Jizz Mopper or FBI Director in an election year. We also take panicky Liberals to task for their hand wringing when all they have to do to win is go out and vote and remind Republicans even with this latest news, their candidate is still Donald Trump. So, you know, probably not something to be happy about.

Promotional consideration is by Dick Picks, specially selected gift for that special woman, and by gifts we mean unwanted penis pictures. We open the show with a motivational speech by Sly Stallone and close with the rhetorical apocalypse of Dog’s Eye View.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 83: “The Horror, The Horror”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe does his level best to scare the hell out of you for our Halloween Spooktacular! In a frankly dark and deeply disturbing show, he reaches deep into the psyche and draws forth all the darkness inside. We no longer feel entirely safe alone with him.

Our tales of horror and despair include Hillary’s first impeachment trial, being Primaried from the Left and a look at the 2018 Congressional Map. (If there are children in the room, have them look away!) We also take a look at what happens to Paul Ryan if the GOP House majority gets really weak and what happens if it doesn’t. It’s bad either way. We also examine the black future that awaits when the Great Old One Ascends in 2020. God help us all.

Along the way there are references to Australian aboriginal religions and a theory on why if there IS a Heaven Christians are going to be really pissed off. (HINT: You don’t need genitals in the afterlife.) There is also a stunning revelation about Dave’s past and the insinuation of bastardry! (He swear the kid is NOT his, but look at him!) Turn the lights down low, light a candle and hold your loved one’s close--or your bottle of Jamesons if you are like Dave and living a bleak and loveless existence and get ready to be afraid. Very afraid.

Promotional consideration provided this week by the Great Vengeance and Furious Anger Baptist Church’s “Halloween Hillary in Hell House” featuring “One Night in Benghazi” and the torments awaiting the Godless Sodomites! We open the show with Old Nan tellings us about Fear and close with the scariest damn song we could think of. What happens next with horrify you!

Citations Needed: The Washington Execution Post, The Daily Beast that Consumes Us, The Great Old One Rises, Old Man Prays for Death

Image Credit Tyler Blake

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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