What the HELL Were You Thinking?

SHOW NOTES EPISODE 75: ꜞHOLA SEÑOR TRUMP!”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes South of the Border, Down Mexico way, to talk about El Guapo Douchbag Donald Trump’s immigration foibles, flip flops, waffles and finally HateFest 2016! It is muy malo! Along the way we also lament the state of the educational system in the 1970’s when the idea of learning a second language was considered un-American and recognize that admitting you solicited prostitutes in Central America is probably not the best path to a major podcast network deal.

Our deep dive is on what passes for a policy in the insane clown posse that we laughingly call the Trump Campaign--honestly it would be off better ran by actual Juggalos. We talk El Donaldos trip to meet with the Mexican President where who will pay for wall never came, because who want to talk about that. We also learn about Señor Stinky the small man who lives in Pena Nieto’s desk. There are several EXTREMELY unkind words about certain Conservative Author whose extreme anger at the sudden but certainly inevitable betrayal by her best pal ever might have made us seek medical attention for an erection lasting longer than four hours. Finally, we explain to immigration as a social necessity to a lot of people far too stupid to understand what we are saying. Not you guys, you guys are cool.

Promotional consideration provided for this show by The Tacopocalypse, the end of White America is going to be TASTY! We open the show with Trump Latino Lackey Marco Gutierrez in a Taco Truck Menace Mash Up and close with the song styling of The Refreshments!

Citations Needed? The Mythical Connection Between Immigrants and Crime, Trump Finally Clarified His Immigration Stance, and It’s Vile, David Duke LOVED Donald’s Speech

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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Show Notes Episode 74: Honky See, Honky Do

This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes back to his roots to discover what the hell is wrong with White People? We’ve learned we definitely CANNOT rule out inbreeding.

Along the way we talk about Hillary’s big speech in Reno where she took Donny about behind the woodshed and tanned his ass with a hickory switch. We check in on the Neckbeards and Basement Dwellers calling themselves the “Alt Right” only find their Mom’s have taken their Internet connection away after Hillary told her what they little ones were up too.

We blow the doors of the trope that the Angry White Men behind Trump are REALLY upset about the economy. (Hint: They’re not.) We ponder the REAL reason they might be so angry. I don’t care if a rapper said it, you still cannot! Finally we discover some very disturbing images involving a member of the show and why they protect us from being hacked. It is NOT pretty.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is from Honky Brand Crackers, Beige and Boring just like you! Our intro comes from Buzzfeed and the closing music is by Rawcus. White people be!

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 73: “Season of the Bitch”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe breaks out his special Clinton Campaign Marrying License and get’s ready to start Gay Marrying unwilling Christians before they are shipped off to the FEMA camp!

Along they way, we dive deep into the unrelenting hell on Earth it will be once Hillary is elected for women EVERYWHERE, because MEN are just going to be total twats about it! You haven’t heard that much whining since the last time a sportball game was interrupted by a tornado warning!

We rummage around our childhood and discover the thing that ruined it. (Hint: Maturity) We explain to all the upset man children that new movies do not erase the old one and really wonder what life might be like if we had a Proton Pack of our own to zap every whingeing twit who complains about their pathetic pop culture obsession from childhood. Except Dungeons and Dragons, that shit is COOL!

We also talk about how NOT to defend your friend when you believe he is falsely accused of rape. And point out that if he WAS accused of rape, it is probably isn’t false. It probably happened.

Promotion consideration this week is by Old Man Winter's’ Ghost Rental, when the mask comes off, it’s ALWAYS Old Man Winters. We open the show with the wisdom of Rush “Don’t Ask About the Dominican Boys” Limbaugh and close with Donovan. Because that is how we roll.

SHOW NOTES: EPISODE 72: “Don’t Panic!”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe tries to calm everyone down with some soothing music and sonorous chants he learned spending seven days in Tibet. He was not technically at a Buddhist Monastery, but in what the madam of the Lhasa cathouse assured him was a very “spiritual place”. Speaking of spirituality, we’ve decided Trump Followers are more cult members than a political movement. Here’s hoping they buy some Nikes and applesauce soon.

With all the darkness and angst, we thought it best to remind of you all the reasons why a certain Tangerine Punch Bowl Turd will actually NOT be President, From his plummeting poll numbers to how very much he is hated by so many Americans. Along the way we play “This Week In Crazy Shit Trump Said” (If you have assassination on your score please claim your prize with Producer Gavin) We discuss the testicular sweat of a certain washed up retiring Yankee, and who REALLY founded ISIS. (Hint: Archer’s Mom). We also ponder what might have been if Little Marco was still around. I mean he is, sorta, but in Florida and no one cares, not even Floridians.

Promotional consideration this week is from returning sponsor, Reality Check, providing a much needed dose of reality to those most in need. We open the show with the minutes from a Trump Campaign meeting, or Joe Pesci and Robert Deniro in Casino, whatever. We close the show Living Colour’s “Cult of Personality”.

Keep Calm, Read 538.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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Show Notes Episode 71: Someone Set Us Up the Bomb

This week Host Dave Bledsoe discovers how to not stop worrying and very much fear the Bomb! He would also like someone to get this crying baby out of his studio!

In the episode we find that repetition is very good, repetition is very good, as we go through the Chernobyl grade meltdown that is The Donald Trump Campaign for President. Along the way we learn about Series Finale of MASH and what do when that damn chicken just won’t stop clucking. (SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t a chicken!) We also urge you to never go full Bullworth. Never one to duck hard hitting questions (We will usually Goose), we ponder whether the New York Post in 1809 would run a woodcut print of Dolley Madison’s nudes. (Her body, her choice! We don’t slut shame!) The question of Trump quitting the race is definitively answered, (No) and finally we tell you exactly what need to be done to Stop Trump. (Hint: Some of you aren’t going to like it at all.)

Promotional Consideration provided this week by Bill’s Second Hand Medal Shop, all of the Bling None of the Blood! We open the show with Zero Wing and our closing music is David Bowie.

Special thanks to Mangolosi for letting me know about Noam, Curtis LeMay and Dr, Strangelove, I TOTALLY Did Not Steal This, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover and Seven Ways to Dump Trump, Jamelle Is Always Right.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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I’ve been accused of wearing my veteran status like a coat, which I don for political convenience. So, let me lay it aside for a moment. Let me speak instead as a member of a military family. If Donald Trump wants to know what sacrifice is, and he seems to need some education, look no further than a military family.

Imagine your spouse, your parent and the hours they work, extend those by four or six hours on a normal day. Now add missed weekends and holidays, something so common that having them home is notable than their absence. The phone rings in the middle of the night and a father or mother isn’t there in the morning when you wake up. Your goodbyes ares a kiss on the head while you are sleeping. If you are fortunate, you will see them shortly, if not it may be months or ..or never. Explain to your child why Mommy or Daddy is gone, again, that is a sacrifice.

Pack your life into boxes and move around the world every two or three years. Leave schools and friends behind and start over again and again. Do it before Facebook and email so when you leave them, you know it is forever. Like you or they never existed. Attend six different schools between First Grade and graduation. The only consolation is you are just one of the New Kids in school, each just as a frightened and lonely as you.

Live through the months, or years without your spouse at home to help. Pay the bills, keep the house, see to the children all alone while your husband or wife is deployed. Imagine the years before email or video chats, waiting for a scratchy phone call over satellite likely to disconnect in mid I love you. Or when letters sent from around the world carried the love and longing the soldier feels and hide the fear they cannot express because they don’t want you to worry. You hide that fear causing you to worry every moment, a fear you hide from your children so THEY won’t worry. The worry your child feels because you are worried and they don’t know why.

Learn to watch television for news about the war, keep a map in your head of where the fighting is and where your loved one was the last time your spoke to them. Read about the range of missiles in the desert and measure it against the distance between them and your father. Stop in front of a television every time you pass to see if some new horror descended from the sky in the middle of the night half a world away. Now, double that, one for your husband, one for your son, each far from home and in harm’s way. Live with this for six months.

Watch the faces of other families in their pain and loss and live with the secret relief that it wasn’t you. This time. Live with the fear of next time.

Lose your child, your spouse, your sibling, your parent in service to their country.

A Service we didn’t volunteer for, aren’t paid, but we make the sacrifice too. If we are fortunate, the time we lose with our loved ones is finite, if not, it’s forever. So, we ask again. What have YOU sacrificed?

This week Host Dave Bledsoe wipes the Cheez Whiz off his chest, and talks about all the doings at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. Along the way he courts the rage of the American Hacking Community and anyone who doesn’t like the New England Patriots, two groups you REALLY don’t want pissed off at you.

We deep dive into the Conspiracies hatched by the diabolic mastermind of the of the DNC Debbie Wasserman Schultz who ranks next the Smoking Man as the most devious manipulator of Americans who ever lived. Except, you know, she really, really sucked at the secret part of secret conspiracies, Claude Rains has come back the dead to express his shock over the DNC’s bias! We also talk about why Russian MIGHT want to see a certain someone in power, even though we don’t wish anyone to infer we are even suggesting such a thing might be true. We can’t afford the legal fees. Special shout outs to our favorite Watergate Burglar G. Gordon Liddy, Tom Brady and Leonard Rodriguez from Greendale.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Vladimirs Cyber-Security, you have secret? Give to Vlad! We open with Chris D'elia’s thoughts on Russian cheerfulness and close with Tears for Fears, because everybody DOES want to rule the world!

This week Host Dave Bledsoe discovers that friendship IS actually magic as he dissects the week at the Republican National Convention, we love you Twilight Sparkle! Along the way we learn about why Rudy Giuliani is so angry (hint:because he’s an asshole) and we give Intern Chrissy Christie our lunch order (WE SAID NO DAMN CHEESE!) We also wonder how in the hell we say something nice about Ted Cruz, we feel so dirty. So very dirty.

We also go into great detail about what the hell is going on in Trump’s America, because we are taking a look around and it does NOT resemble a John Carpenter movie where we live, and we live in “scary” part of Manhattan. (It’s not). You can call us Snake or you can call us Plissken, just don’t call us and say our check bounced again because we made sure the money was there!

We open the show this week with monologue from Escape From New York (duh!) and close with Mike and Mechanics “Silent Running” (No, even we don’t know what this song is about). Promotional consideration provided by Ctrl-C/Ctrl-V Speechwriters, the official speechwriters of Melania Trump!

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 68: CONVENTION JUNCTION

This week host Dave Bledsoe learns that Cleveland Ohio has not had a river catch fire in 47 years. But we expect all of that to change starting next week because their ain’t no party like a Republican Party cuz a Republican Party is full of white people doing a lot of very white things...and hookers.

On the show this week we talk about all the people who AREN’T at the #GOPConvention, and the losers who are. We discuss what you are likely to hear from whom, and how the Benghazi nuts will bring the best show of the week! Seriously, catch those bastards, they are HILARIOUS!

We also want to celebrate the Ascension of the being we know as Ted Cruz and wish him and his family a very happy Ritual of HgahNAHXtNEH! We hope that when he emerges from chrysalis in four years, his form is not one of His fifty four incarnations which cause insanity in humans!

We touch on the #DumpTrump movement, on Mike Pence None the Richer and his turn as the Veep and close out the show with balloons, MORE BALLOONS! Promotional consideration is by Alvin’s Army Surplus of Akron, the opening drop is from the movie PCU and closing music is Hank Williams All My Rowdy Friends are Coming Over Tonight, because it is going to be that kind of convention.

SHOW NOTES FOR EPISODE 67: “THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes turns off the drops and dick jokes and talks about being a cop--no really he actually WAS a cop. This week has hit him pretty hard and in response there will be none of the usual chicanery in the show, just one guy talking about what it was like to be police, where the police are and how maybe we could all help heal after this awful week.

We are not going to spend a lot of time here in the show notes going over what is actually in the show. Suffice it to say when it is over, we hope you take away something more than you usually do from listening. We hope you find a little compassion, humanity and hope.

The closing music for this week’s show is by Tracy Chapman. There is no opening drop or sponsor.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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