What the HELL Were You Thinking?

Show Notes Episode 57: Going to the End of the Line

This week, host Dave Bledsoe examines the words of the prophets written on the men’s room stall and comes to conclusion that some bathroom laws ARE needed--this place is disgusting! The subject of the SHOW this week is the looming end of the Republican Primary and how the candidates are reacting to the unpleasant reality of Trump’s inevitable victory. Along the way we look at the storybook career of Carly Fiorina, if the stories were written by the Brother’s Grimm. We get our Vaudeville on for some reason and we talk about the Donald’s new campaign man’s ties to criminals, and not the just ones in the Reagan and Bush Administrations. Shout out to John Boehner who we kinda didn’t like in Congress but is really growing on us in private life! Our opener this week is from the movie Election, which is looking more and prescient every day and we close the show with the Travelling Wilburys. Promotional consideration for this week’s episode comes from Desperation, a scent for Republicans.

Links to Content:

Donald Trump Will Be the Republican Nominee for President. Don’t Ever Get Used to It.

John Boehner Compares Ted Cruz to Satan, Says He Wouldn’t Vote for Him in November

Our show music by Hypnostate

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This week Host Dave Bledsoe distributes soothing gel to all the butthurt Liberals on the Internet in the form of a little history lesson about the God of the Republican Party Ronald Wilson Reagan who came from the ashes of broken people and lead them into glory. Trust us, it will make sense once you hear the episode. Along the way examine the tragic abuses of red headed step children and rented mules, the likelihood of Monsanto creating a man eating Summer Squash and why in the name of God Producer Gavin would mix Mountain Dew Code Red with Jameson--that sick son of a bitch. We also point out that while yes, liberals are smug bastards, we are only smug because we are right all the time.

Our opening clip is a gem of a commercial from the 90’s about the game Scattergories, and we close the show with the music of Foreigner. It’s the Episode you’ve been waiting to come into your life.

The Smug Style of American Liberalism on Vox.com http://www.vox.com/2016/4/21/11451378/smug-american-liberalism

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Episode 55: Govern the Shit Out of It Edition

One year(ish) ago the show you’ve come to know and ignore coalesced into it’s doughy, unappealing form, not unlike its host, and we are here to celebrate! Fifty two(ish) episodes back we discussed the Inevitable Hilly C’s shocking reveal about her presidential ambitions, today we discuss whether or not to endorse her in next week’s primary. Along the way we have breakfast at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, lament our lost Summer of 1982 and ponder Gavin’s Trapper Keeper cover art. Host Dave Bledsoe even submits his own entry for a Hillary Clinton campaign commercial--call us Hill, we work CHEAP! If you like nostalgic walks down memory lane, pina coladas and gettin caught in the rain, then our One Year Anniversary Show, Episode #55: Govern the Shit Out of It Edition is one you can’t miss.

The show’s closing music is Survivor’s The Search is Over. We’re sorry.

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Back from hiatus in our deluxe new studios, which we are tentatively calling The Room Where It Happens because it is in Hamilton Heights and even HINT of that Hamilton money would be gravy! This week we explore these strange feelings host Dave Bledsoe is having for Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is definitely NOT running for President, and totally wouldn’t take it, unless you offered it to him. Also, an explainer on why running for political office is the worst job in America. (Hint: Corndogs.) We wrap up with a vicious criticism of Ted Cruz being a Rules Lawyer AND a Munchkin.

The into clip is the least offensively racist thing we could pull from Song of the South, the movie not the Alabama song which is actually pretty good. Our “research” materials comes from Politico, New York Magazine and The New Republic. Our closing credits song is YMCA by the Village People for reasons that will abundantly clear.

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This week the show looks at the man children dominating the Republican Presidential Race to the bottom and their Twitter wars insulting each other’s wives. We learn that petulant douchebaggery is an American Political Tradition and that nerds in the 80’s could have used a good database to track their tormenters. God, we could have hacked their iPhones to show their location at all times! So much pain spared! We talk briefly about Cruz Patrols and why they are just fucking stupid and why Kasich won’t take his toys and go home.

The show will also be going on hiatus for the next two weeks as we are moving studios, but will return in April with our Big Anniversary Show! One year of podcasts! Who would’ve thought when we started we were so angry we might still be doing these a year later?

We open the show with PeeWee’s Big Adventure, and close with Blink 162’s “What’s My Age Again”

You can hear all about Jefferson and Hamilton’s pissing matches here. (Bet you won’t hear THAT in the Broadway show!)

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This week your host Dave Bledsoe heads out into the flyover and takes long hard look at what has happened to rural white people, and why they are being disrespected by the Republican Establishment. Hint: It’s Orange, Loud and Dangerous. Jumping off from a scathing article in the National Review we talk about how white people were fucked over by the Republicans (OK and the Democrats) with only a tiny touch of schadenfreude. From the decline of manufacturing jobs, to the failing public education system in poor rural communities and the cost of college education there is reason why poor white people are pissed off. Along the way we get into some Latin with President Josiah Bartlett, discuss the merits of Toto songs with Gavin and realize when it comes to being angry, poor and White, it takes one to know one.

Our intro clip this week is Mel Brooks Blazing Saddles, our exit music is from the movie Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and of course, we mourn the end of Rubio campaign with Boyz II Men.

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Friday March 11th 2016 “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” Edition:

In which your Host Dave Bledsoe admits his predictions on Rubio taking the nomination MAY be premature. We also look at some other broad misconceptions made by the pundit-ocracy, explain “Fucking Delegates, how do the work?” and how the corpse of Ronald Reagan has better chance of winning the general than anyone currently running for the position. The math is complicated, but the conclusions are very clear. We also explain how a Brokered Convention will be the most entertaining thing in politics since (Spoiler Warning) Burr shot Hamilton.

The intro clip for this week’s show is Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs “Wrong O’Clock”. The show is sponsored by Humble Pie Pastry, when you were wrong, really, really wrong: Humble Pie Pastry. The show’s closing music is Chicago’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”. The Obligatory 80’s television reference is The Greatest American Hero.

Mike Pesca’s Spiel in this Slate’s Gist explains the mystery of votes and delegates, and Vox provides our delegate count.

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Friday, March 04, 2016 “Deep Dark Truthful Mirror” Edition

Host Dave Bledsoe asks the Republicans: when you said this Trump thing could never happen, what the HELL were you thinking? This week we stare into the darkness that is the Trump supporter, who they are, why the like him and what it means for America. In short, we stare deep into the darkness, and do not like what we see. Our research monkeys drew heavily on the Atlantic article “Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters” and the Washington Post’s “Here’s Who Supports Donald Trump –and Why”. Finally the Fade Glory Brand Brown Shirts in their own words come The Guardian’s “Not Even My Wife Knows’: Secret Donald Trump Supporters Speak Out”

The intro clip is the closing monologue from “American Psycho” and the credit music is from John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band—Eddie and the Cruisers Soundtrack, 1983.

Show Opener: Prelude to Common Sense/Hypnostate

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All week the pundit-ocracy have been saying Super Tuesday is pretty much it if they are going to Stop the Tiny Orange Penis of the Republican Party from becoming a grower instead of a shower,

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Of course, the America Hating, Communist Freeloader Republican Senators, who feel they should be paid without doing any work for the money are saying THEY are the ones standing up for the American people—just the sort of thing a Communist Sympathizer WOULD say—by refusing to consider ANY nominee for the Supreme Court until AFTER the election in November. Comrade McConnell along with Comrade Grassley, Comrade Cruz and all the rest of the Cell members in the Senate signed an open letter this week to this effect, closing with the line each Senator according to his ability and each according his needs. They then hung a portrait of Lenin on the wall and walked off to find some red armbands.