What the HELL Were You Thinking?

Happy Birthday ‘Murca! In this episode of the show Host Dave Bledsoe talks the Founding Fathers and all the goodness that happened on 1776--Holy Jesus, we just read the script--he’s gone mad! He can’t DO that, not on 4th of July Weekend! For the love of God someone get someone on the phone...we honestly cannot let this happen.

Mother of God. If you are crazy enough to still be here, he opens the show with The Whitest Kids you Know and closes with Martina McBride. Promotional consideration provided by Zebediah’s Muskets and Kentucky Rifles. I honestly cannot believe he is doing this.

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Show Notes for Episode 65: “Save Whitey”

This week host Dave Bledsoe talks about White People and why they can’t have nice things, not even that Jack Daniels Elvis Decanter they bought at the Swap Shop over on Route 5! We start with the White Folks across the Pond who decided they would rather burn down their entire economy than have any more Brown folks move next door, and jump right over to America where our own White Folks are starting shitter fires at the Tractor Pull. (We’re WAY past dumpster fires here folks) . We give a shout out to our Sister Show on the Fast Eddies’ Podcast Hut Network, “Ere, what up in yer gob yah bleedin’ sod” hosted by Reggie Smythwick Jones--what up Reg! We go over little things like the Civil War, Gavin’s tragic choice to try online dating, and how you are forced to break Godwin’s Law when you discuss working at an Amazon distro warehouse. We ALSO provide some fairly simple solutions to the biggest problems afflicting White People in America and they do NOT require internment camps, given up their guns, or being converted to homosexuality. They DO require voting for Hillary Clinton, so I expect they will think this is equally awful.

We open the show with Trumpiest Trump Supporter Who Ever Trumped, this week and close out with Bocephus telling us all it will all right if you don’t go anywhere near where you might actually find a job.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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This week Host Dave Bledsoe is done with your bullshit and is here with a big ass shovel and bucket, ready to start scooping. We take a look at the lies the bind, the things we keep telling ourselves as though we really believe them.

We want to tell you this is a fun, happy little show with lots of jokes and lighthearted ribbing, but that would be a lie. It’s angry, bleak and disheartening--kind of like you when you found out the truth about Santa Claus. Like Elvis Costello’s mirror he’s going to tell you things he loves you too much to say any other time. Unlike Elvis Presley’s mirror, it will not make you think sequined jumpsuits are a good idea.

Along the way we discover the horror of naked bathroom selfies, why 80’s pop music is the purest form of wistful nostalgia, the scientific principle behind the Gun Event Horizon and explain the logical fallacy of the customer ever being right. This is not a show to listen to if you enjoy blissful ignorance.

Promotional consideration is brought to you by Earl’s Elite Excrement Expeditors, Earl’s We Get Shit Done! We open the show with the actual words of actual Trump supporters from Buzzfeed’s “No One Knows Anything” Podcast, truer words have never been spoken, we close with really--Eminem and Rihanna can we DO that?

Fact-checking Trump's demagogic rhetoric after Orlando terror attack

Gun Violence Archive

Odds of Being Killed By Terrorist

“No One Knows Anything” Buzzfeed’s Politics Podcast

You are NOT Special

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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This week Host Dave Bledsoe opens up the Big Book of Clinton and find reads to your from Chapter 7 verses 11-15: “And lo, they did come from Arkansas to the White House and the Republican wert pissed…” We FINALLY get around to doing the long promised show about Hillary Clinton, listing EVERYTHING that is wrong with her as a candidate and why people just flat don’t like her. So, this week’s could go on HOURS!

Along the way we examine questions about evolvings tastes in Country and Western music, why the financial industry is good for America, the secret chemical in the chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly and the relative merits of keeping your maiden name. For some reason we go on quite a while about handjobs, which will make sense in time. We hope. We will definitely find out why Gavin still uses a Motorola StarTac flip phone.

Our show is sponsored this week by Wall Street, who want you to know they OWN you. We open with Kate McKinnon’s perfect Hillary and close with my favorite TV theme song ever, I am THRILLED to finally use it!

In this Special Edition Host Dave Bledsoe gives up his Sunday drinking for studio drinking. Though honestly how can you tell? He takes on the violence inherent in the system and points out how Trump Protesters are shooting themselves in foot and if they keep this up someone else will be doing the shooting, and feet will not be their target. Along the way we deal with Dave’s laundry listening, Gavin’s personal grooming habits and why didn’t any of you pay attention in history class. We insult pretty much EVERY segment of the American population and explain why we need to the vapid, listless, torpid American vote to win. Also, modern protest songs really SUCK.

We open with angry people being angry and close with Buffalo Springfield. THAT is a protest song!

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This week Host Dave Bledsoe scales the Empire State Building holding a nubile blonde and swatting away attacking bi-planes as he discusses the animals on the Internet. Trust us, they are the less intelligent species. In the show we dig deep into the killing of a gorilla in Cincinnati and how the Internet reacted. Along the way we look in on the Armenian Genocide, why we can’t take Gavin anywhere and what it means to be a true hero. (Hint, it involves a golf ball and a LOT of kegel exercises.) Additionally we learn the proper poetic form for issuing a death threat, the Sestina, and discover our host’s childhood fascination with doody.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Abe’s Ape on a Stick, all the flavor of Real Ape™in a cruelty free soy bar! Abe’s so good, you will never know it isn’t Ape! We open the show with the wise words of Dr. Zaius--oh oh Dr, Zaius--and close with the musical stylings of The Dickies!

Remember all Death Threats should be addressed to Producer Gavin!

Show Notes Episode 61: “Own the Media”

This week host Dave Bledsoe does his best Garfield and explains his love of lasagna, hatred of Mondays and unpacks what billionaire Peter Thiel’s funding of lawsuits aimed at Gawker as threats to the freedom of the press in America. We realize that 99% don’t get that joke, because you have actual lives and do not spend your days obsessively consuming news about the news. As a refreshing change the only political philosophy we will be insulting this week is Libertarianism, which isn’t even a real philosophy, it’s something that only exists after three bowls of killer weed in your college freshman dorm! Along the way we learn about Bubba the Love Sponge, that Dave has a sex tape (everyone was doing them in those days!) and laugh until we pee a little over the name Vandersloot! Come for the lurid tales of Silicon Valley gay sex, stay for the death of democracy!

You really don’t get the Garfield thing at all do you? Do you people even NPR?

Promotional considerations this week provided by Khan Noonien Singh’s Klingon Cuisine, try our still beating Heart of Targh! The show opens with Khan explaining why all Klingon food is served cold, and ends with Kelly Clarkson’s soft lament to lost love.

Peter Thiel is a total asswad, I mean a complete PRICK.

Peter Thiel just gave other billionaires a dangerous blueprint for perverting philanthropy

Vandersloot is a funny name

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Show Notes for Episode 60: Bad News About the Unicorns

This week Host Dave Bledsoe administers a high dose of reality straight to the Blood Brain Barrier. Along the way we discuss the strange situation at Nevada Democratic Convention, professional wrestling moves and wonder what the hell happened to Bunk Moreland! We expect that kind of behavior of Jimmy McNulty, but not YOU Bunk! We also talk about the rules, and how they are there for everyone, not just the special snowflakes who don’t like them because they are losing. Also, if Jennifer Lawrence IS looking to get it on with a pudgy middle aged podcaster, we would totally be into that! Call us JLaw! Careful listeners will hear a fairly obscure reference to the 1980’s gaming culture, well obscure to people who weren’t in role playing game culture in the 1980’s anyway.

We open the show with a drop from professional wrestling, who took chair tossing from my childhood rumpus room and transformed into pure fucking art. We close with the Irish Rovers, though not their BEST song about mythic animals, though the Sasquatch Song was is so obscene I can’t even play it on this podcast. Just disturbing.

Promotional Consideration this week by Lawson’s “Tosser” Folding Chair, the preferred chair of pro-wrestlers and angry Sander’s Delegates.

Don’t forget to #AskAPodcaster all your pressing questions!

Snopes on the Chair Throwing: Unproven (It’s a rhetorical metaphor people!)

Show Theme: Prelude to Common Sense by Hypnostate

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Show Notes for Episode 59: “Mirror In the Bathroom”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe steps inside the stall and discovers that North Carolina not only forgot to flush, but has backed up the plumbing. Together we celebrate the return of fleshy homunculus Ted Cruz just when we thought he was out, bathroom laws pulled him back in! Along the way we learn the difference between a Drag Queen and Cross Dresser (hint: One is AWESOME and the other is some dude wearing his wife’s support hose in their bedroom.) We sing the hits at Ray Ray’s Clam Shack Kenny Karaoke along with Edna Mae, she does a MEAN Linda Ronstadt, learn that you really only have to worry about taking home a transgender person if you are out TRYING to take home a transgender person. Finally, we ask some hard questions about Producer Gavin’s My Little Pony Cosplay outfits. It promises to be really awkward for everyone!

Promotional consideration this week is by Golden Flow personal catheters, strap it on and never worry about perverts in the bathroom again! Our opening drop is courtesy of an WPIX and an Angry Woman on the Subway and we close the show with English Beat’s Mirror in the Bathroom.

Angry Idiot on the Subway from WPIX

Transgender Suicide Attempt Rates Are Staggering

RSS board: High schoolers will be allowed to carry pepper spray

'Duck Dynasty' Patriarch Phil Robertson Wades Into Transgender Bathroom Controversy

How anti-trans conservatives turn left-wing rhetoric to their advantage.

Seattle man undresses in women's locker room at local pool to test new transgender bathroom rule

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Show Notes for Episode 58: When the House Burned Down

In this late and much abbreviated show for this week, Host Dave Bledsoe is not fucking around. He is talking straight to anyone who is thinking about sitting out this year election because they don’t like their choice of candidates, Democrat AND Republican. He wants you to know that choosing not to choose is still making a choice and that choice is for Donald Trump.

Along the way we meet the Platonic Ideal of a Trump Voter and vigorously argue that you do NOT want Greg Bonecutter Jr, a name we only WISH we made up, deciding the future of the Republic, So, stop sulking and do what you know you need to do, otherwise you will be in the house when it all burns down.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Ass Relax, helping you shit and get off the pot.

Our opening drop is from the movie Heathers, and we close the show with Warren Zevon.

Meet Greg Bonecutter Jr.

Hypnostate

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