What the HELL Were You Thinking?

SHOW NOTES EPISODE 82: “How to Keep an Idiot In Suspense”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe decides the whole podcast rating system is rigged and refuses to accept them. How will he break the system and make podcasts mediocre again? He will keep us in suspense, I guess. (Hint: He really has no ideas at all.)

Along the way we talk about the American tradition of people who lose elections not starting a war over their loss, except for that one time when they totally did. We compare Al Gore to George Washington, fitting the Father of our Country and the Father of Our Internet together at last. We also discuss televangelists and why they always need a new plane. (Hint: Can’t get the hooker smell out of the old one) We cover strategies for dealing with Monopoly losers and really wonder why ANYONE plays Monopoly, it goes on FOREVER! There is some small discussion about why threatening to violently overthrow the government of the United States of Ame

rica and assassinate its elected leaders is PROBABLY not something you want to say on television. Unless you are cast in a exciting action drama on FX, then it is perfectly fine,.

Promotional consideration this week comes from Vaughn’s Voters, literally digging up votes for you! Vaughns, from JFK to Second Bush, we make sure you WIN! We open the show with moments from the FINAL Presidential debate of 2016 and close with Jackson Browne.

Citations Needed: Patriot Acts, Breitbart tells us the TRUTH about Ira Glass! Al Gore True American Hero

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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In yet another Special Edition Host Dave Bledsoe discusses the frankly disturbing allegations by numerous women against Donald Trump for sexual assault. They are disturbing not just for the obvious reasons but for the idea of this tiny orange fingers touching ANYONE!

Along the way you get a behind the scenes peek at what it’s like to work on a low rated podcast (Hint: It’s not pretty) and we take a look at the cabal of corporate media colluding with the Clinton Campaign to keep America from being Great Again. We also ponder why it took so long for Trump to call Hillary ugly--it is the closest thing to restraint we’ve seen from this infuriated hamster of a man. He must be so proud. Promotional consideration for this Special Edition is by Perv-A-Way 50,00 volts of fuck off in the palm of your hand. We open the show with Trump asking the question we answer with this Edition and close with the sage advice of the Georgia Satellites

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 81: “Burn One Down For Me”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes a good long look at the burning porta-potties that comprise the remnants of the Grand Old Party and he laughs and laughs like a gleeful child!

In a long and painful journey we examine the rise of modern GOP from its inception in 1964 through the ascendancy during the Reagan years all the way through to the delightful crap-splosion occurring before your very eyes. Do not stare directly into the flames unless you are equipped with the special safety goggles. Along the way touch on rectal boils, necrophilia and what one would use in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 1st Edition to create a golem entirely from poo. (Hint: A Dungeon Master with a VERY sick sense of humor.)

We also debunk the notion of the Double Down meeting the essential criteria for sandwich-hood (Bread, it’s the goddamn bread!).The rise of the corporate media is on the table and what happens when Fast Eddie eventually sells the Hut to Rupert Murdoch (Cost: $39.95 and an autographed photo of Shep Smith) We also try to hook Gavin up with Tiffany Trump.

Promotional consideration this week by Lonnie’s Life Preservers, when you're up shit creek without a canoe, reach for a Lonnies! We open the show with the saddest minute in cinema not involving Trump grabbing anything anatomical and close with the smooth stylings of Clint Black.

Citations Needed: Paul Ryan is not your bitch, but he really is., We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn, burn motherfucker burn, Profiles in Courage GOP 2016, The Memo that Fucked a Profession, What’s so civil about war anyway?.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES SPECIAL EDITION SIX: “GRAB ‘EM BY THE *MEOW*”

Called in on his day off to talk Trump Tapes, Host Dave Bledsoe is not at all happy about the situation. He breaks down what he said, when he said and wonders why it took insulting a White Woman to really get people mad. (Hint: The country is still really racist). Along the way we discuss the things men in say in lockers rooms (Hint: It usually involved not waving your balls in our face like that) the problems with growing old not grown up and why Producer Gavin is still a virgin. We briefly touch on the revelation that Hillary Clinton is a--we can’t say--A POLITICIAN! We also take ALL the culprits for Trump’s candidacy to task, including this show.

Promotion consideration is provided by the new service Backsies, call Backsies and take it all back! We open with the foul language of Trump and close with the The Buggles.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 80: “JOHNSON GOES LIMP”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes for the cheap shots while ostensibly talking about the Libertarian Party and their candidate for President. If you think there are dick jokes, you would be correct. Along the way we examine the historical roots of political parties and what they stand for (Hint: Not you) and do a brief overview of Third Parties in America. It’s brief because there isn’t much to say.

We look at all the things Gary Johnson would do if he were to be elected and discover they would all seem really, really familiar to Republican Voters. We also discuss what would happen if by magic Libertarians got everything they desired and how to survive in the wreckage of society that ensues, (Hint: Think Zombie Apocalypse) We also deep dive on why children should go to bed a reasonable hour, but honestly this is more a rant on the noisy kid that lives above Dave’s apartment. We share an Aleppo Moment as we try to remember who the Grand Vizier was under Mehmed VI, but really we are only showing off because we know who Mehmed VI actually was. We also get kind of snooty talking about the Gilded Age and the Progressive Era, showing that when WE went to college we didn’t just smoke a lot of dope.

Promotional consideration for this week’s show is by Gary’s Weed Hut, offering new options in getting baked, try our new Weed Enema, that shit is amazing. We open the show with a very angry Libertarian and close with Shirley Bassey’s plain talk to the Johnson Campaign.

Citations Needed?: All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again, Hey, I just graduated and this crazy, I’m a Libertarian so vote me maybe?, No, seriously this is crazy. Et tu Bill Weld, et tu?

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Show Notes Episode 79: “Pogo the Clown Is Coming to Town”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe stops joking around and gets serious when he says the clown can stay but the Ferengi in the monkey suit has got to go!

Our show topic this weekend is the extremely unfunny situation with millions of killer clowns crawling the streets of middle America terrorizing good god fearing White folks with their crazy pie throwing and seltzer spraying frivolity!

Along the way we examine the root causes of clown fear (Hint: because they fucking creepy) and what to do when you come across a clown on the streets. (Hint: Run screaming) We look at the history of clown sightings around the world and tie the BREXIT to last year’s Northampton Clown. It’s all so clear when we think about it.

We also do a deep psychological analysis of the Satanic Panic of the 1980’s with only a minor reference to the time our Mom made us sell all our D&D Books because they made us worship the Devil! WE BOUGHT THEM ALL BACK MOM! Finally, we note any time white people are putting on masks and hoods to square OTHER WHITE PEOPLE, it is actually good thing!

Promotional consideration by Creepo the Clown, close your eyes, Creepo is there! We open our show this week with news coverage from the epicenter of the Clownpocalypse in Greenville South Carolina and close with Crispin Glover and just some FUCKED up song about clowns! Honestly what is THAT?

Citations Needed: Clown Ground Zero, How handle the panic in Lancaster, Back to Ohio,Cross Dressing Clowns?, Moral Panics, The Satanic Panic, The True Face of Clown Terror, Stephen King is tired of your clown shit!, the War on Clowns.

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SHOW NOTES FOR EPISODE 78 “Get A Haircut and Get A Real Job”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe tackles the upcoming Presidential debates and what it takes for Donald Trump to actually win it (Hint:Not having a swastika tattooed on his shtekl) and what it would take for Hillary to win (Hint: She punches Trump right in his shtekl). We also look at what you should expect the debate halftime show and speculate on whether it will Kanye or Jay Z who plays. (We are saying Kanye.)

Along the way we dig into the nitty gritty of the dirt band on Undecided Voters, which are the Rare Pokemons of this election really. We dwell at length on what Hillary can do to reach Millennial Voters, who seem to believe she slightly less preferable than Judas Iscariot--we also apparently started reading the Bible lately. We talk about Gary Johnson and what kind of righteous Dude he is and close out with some heartfelt words of advice for the young voters as they go into the final stretch of this campaign.

We open the show with a message from Nader 2000, and we close the show with a dose of reality from George Thorogood.

Citations Needed: Gary Johnson’s crazy ass positions, No, seriously there is a McNugget Number, Millennials Suck but so does everyone else, Grungspeak was not a thing, Thunder Run may be the most awesome movie ever!

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES: EPISODE 77 “EXODUS 22-18”

This week Host Dave Bledsoe digs into his bookshelf and cracks open the Malleus Maleficarum for a hard hitting on expose on a certain Presidential Candidate may or may not be a Consort of Satan. Strangely it is NOT the one you might think we would choose. We also examine in detail what EXACTLY is wrong with Hillary Clinton (HInt: She’s tired of your shit!) and why she feels the need to keep it hidden from us. (Hint: We’re not very intelligent!)

Along the way we discuss the alleged presence of a secret Wall Street Blood Rejuvenation Center that definitely does not exist, as far as you know. Our research team notes that people get OLD over the course of eight years and we also revisit the good old days of the Internet when a GIF wasn’t a GIF unless is was a flashing “Under Construction” sign. We also posit the Super Flu that is about to break out and destroy the country was presaged by the appearance of Ted Cruz as the Walking Dude.

Promotion consideration for this week’s show provided by Hathorne’s Witch Finders, Suffer Ye Not a Witch To Live! We open the show with some crank from the Internet and close with smooth styles of Frank Sinatra!

Citations Needed? All the things killing Hillary, Louie Gohmert is mentally impaired, How can you argue with evidence like this?, Illuminati Lapel Pin!!!!, Coincidence? I think not!, Hillary is actually honest, NO REALLY she is!, Hillary and the Duck on the Scales.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES FOR SPECIAL EDITION #5: “Baskets of Deporables”

The Return of Greg Bonecutter Jr! Host Dave Bledsoe woke up to a Twitter Storm about HRC’s speech remarks in NYC last night--apparently the racists are REALLY upset about being called racists. Our heart weeps for their pain. We also revisit last night’s show and take the media to task for not applying the slightest hint of context in pursuit of the Platonic Ideal of a Gaffe Soundbite. So, we present this Special Edition of the show and remind you that if you are voting for Trump, you are a racist! Have a great weekend!

Promotional consideration for this Special Edition is by Trumpzar Pictures new animated motion feature “Deplorable You”, featuring the hijinks of trio of adorable Skinhead munchkins in the quest for a perfect Aryan America! We open the show with Hillary’s ACTUAL words and close with They Might Be Giants. We’ve saved this song for a special occasion!

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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SHOW NOTES EPISODE 76: “Hillary Is Breaking the Curve”

This week heavily hungover host Dave Bledsoe takes the media back to school where with the help of beautiful English professor and lovable cast of misfits he learns to respect his son and finally EARN that degree! We’re sorry, that is apparently the plot of a Rodney Dangerfield movie. No, in this week’s show we ask whether or not the press is taking it easy on the Donald to make the race more interesting and keep the ratings up through November. (Probably, that or they are scared of him).

Along the way we delve into why the lines are so long on the Intrepid, the structural integrity of the sanitary sewers in convents and why Billy Zabka is the quintessential 80’s teen movie villain. (Sweep the leg Johnny!) We also try to cast a Raise Dead on Walter Cronkite only to have him blow his Resurrection Roll. Honestly, the DM is being a real ball buster about this.

Promotional consideration is provided by Gary’s Guides to Great World City The Aleppo Edition! We open the show with YouTuber gfreakj’s insights on grading on a curve and close with the music of Wilson Phillips. Shut up, you know you love them!

CITATIONS NEEDED? Vox: Trump Can’t Shock Us, WaPo Trump On the Curve, Barry Bitch Slaps the Media.

Hypnostate provides the music in our opening credits.

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