Do you ever regret how relationships end? I’m not talking strictly intimate relationships; this goes for all relationships: friends, colleagues, family, etc.

When a relationship ends poorly, maybe you feel like the bad guy, regardless of your role. The problem is, it doesn’t stop there. You carry that person’s judgment with you. Maybe not every day, but triggers will cause it to resurface, controlling the amount of joy you allow yourself to experience.

If you have a fight with a friend and things go south, even if you believe you are both to blame, on a subconscious level you probably feel like it was your fault. Then when something fun or exciting happens, that person’s voice whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” It’s easy to punish yourself and assume all the responsibility of a failed relationship when it triggers a deeper negative belief. But to have the happiness you say you want, you have to forgive yourself and be true to yourself, despite what that person may think.

You can’t go back in time to “fix” old relationships, and even if you could, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Whatever you did or did not do doesn’t matter. It’s the negative belief it triggers that you want to focus on so you can stop kicking yourself and start believing you deserve to enjoy life. Once you challenge those beliefs by being open and authentic, those judgmental voices will be silenced.