Do you have a rubber band or yo-yo in our life? You know, that person who made a dramatic exit only to make a re-entry… bringing those old feelings you thought were dead back to the surface? Part of you cannot believe he/she is back in your life, whether it was someone you couldn’t get over or someone you THOUGHT you were over until they swatted at your hornet’s nest of emotions.

One of the biggest challenges of these “back again” relationships is not giving all of your power to the other person. It’s so easy to slip backwards into the familiar tango, especially when that eruption of old feelings appears beyond your control. Gaining control of yourself is NOT mental, however. It comes from emotional growth; from dealing with your old (even from childhood) pain that evolved into a belief system which, as an adult, can lead to someone else exerting “special powers” over you. This can even happen when you’re already engaged in another relationship—I’ve seen it happen many times.

In order to let go and not get swallowed up, you must allow the feelings inside you to be what they are. Accept them. Surrender. Then it will be an act of creativity—feeling what you feel (not resisting) and refocusing on love rather than attachment. You have to go through the mental constructs that keep this relationship alive in the old way; then find yourself by getting vulnerable. Feel what you’re afraid to feel. Only then will you set yourself free. It can be the path toward allowing real love into your life… perhaps for the first time in your adult life.