We pretty much all hate whiners, so why do we do it ourselves? Maybe you use a different word like “complain” or “vent,” but it’s basically all focusing on a problem. Some people are so used to complaining, they do it even after the problem is solved—on autopilot. Or sometimes they don’t even want a solution; they are just releasing pent-up energy, frustration, anger, pain, etc. But complaining is powerless and it comes from a lack of self-responsibility and self-worth. It means you’re stuck, and it’s a way of seeking validation… but other people sure get sick of listening to it.

Do you constantly complain about your job, or know someone who does? The pay is too low and the hours too long… not to mention those horrid co-workers. If you’re the one venting, what is your goal? Does it give you a feeling of superiority or self-righteousness? What are you actually doing to change the situation? Talking does nothing without action. If you’re on the receiving end, always providing a willing ear, you’re not actually helping. You’re just enabling their behavior and draining your own energy.

Whining and complaining do nothing except alienate those around you. If you truly want to change your situation, action is the only way out. The next time you catch yourself, stop and feel what’s going on in your body. Is it heaviness, stress, anxiety, anger, loss of control? Accept responsibility for the fact you’re choosing this discontent. Yes, you’re choosing it. Self-responsibility is challenging; it’s much easier to spin your wheels and stay stuck in the same pattern of complaining. But then you’ll find no one wants to be around you.