Salmonella candles are causing contagious farts over here. We're landing cape boosters in space, and giving out 14 DVD's for Halloween. HTown Baby! Screw filly.

Karens against scarecrows are slingin pig semen all over our chicken jelly squirtables. We're protesting dinosaurs and listening to alt cunt. You're gonna want to eat your cell phone after this one.

Tim Allen, Gordon Ramsey, and Amouranth are using cow snot lube for their 3-way (Tax deductible?). I'm pretty sure if one of them starts bartending, they are going to take over the world. I'll be watching on my two living room TV's. What's wrong with you?

You don't need a Godly voice to win 7 Tour De frances (capital "G" cuz we don't wanna offend God). Look, protest Australia and get TRUCKED by a robot. So don't worry if you get gored by a deer right after you eat your eggs smothered in Texas Pete, you got a framing hammer, and if all else fails you can live in a WalMart parking lot.

Look, this is serious business. It's not a joke. Just get an Iphone and be more efficient. Don't over anal-ize, it's just hiking.

When running from hurricanes, it's best to do cocaine burnouts. So Fuck whataburger, let's go camping. Alligators are less scary than seasonal herpes. So join us to see Gordan Ramsey scream at naked 23 year olds on the next episode of Whiskey and Whiskers Podcast.

Better late than never. 

At this point, IN-N-Out is better than Whataburger. Animal style. We got donkey dicks, kangaroo cocks, and pissed-on flood mosquitos. It might be end-of-days, but at least you have another episode of Whiskey and Whiskers Podcast. 

Old Bros tryna unfuck the breaks... Missouri is not cool. But Arkansas might be the way to be. TTs make it better.

HIT YOUR FUCKING MUTE BUTTON! Even degenerates need zoom etiquette. Black coffee isn't good hot or cold, but drink it anyways, be a man. If you can train a tornado, you can train a hotdog. #gasaintreal