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I watched a show last night…

A tiny superhero girl crawls through a man’s brain. I can see the relief.

But isn’t it connected? You’re like, whoa, that is MORBID. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s perfectly normal. That feeling, I mean.

Bear with my ramblings. Normally they churn into something productive. I must have some audacity to think people want to hear anything I say. Is that at the heart of our suffering? Do we deem ourselves unworthy by default? Is that why we seek a God—validation outside of ourselves?

Just questions. That’s what my brain is full of. I won’t ever answer them all, will I? So… do I just chill?

Do people just chill? I shouldn’t even have a phone. I wake up every day expecting to save the whole world from my kitchen table—with the last of my food in the fridge, unsure how I’ll feed my babies next month. I see babies across the world starving, girls walking the streets of LA selling their souls, the man on the corner outside the concert venue. Our position to the right of him—leaving the joy of a concert with full bellies, hand in hand with a lover, laughing with friends—our position is temporary. Life can remind us of our equality in a split second.

A world revolving around power.

A world revolving around money.

A world often devoid of love, full of souls that require it.

So it’s no wonder that when religion is used as escape, it haunts our world. It promises an exit from this pain-body, somewhere to end up when we blow this world to hell.

The world is frustrated.

The women are frustrated.

We’ve been ignored so long.

But we are lovers. We smile at rainbows and the sun shining through the crowds. Lovers trying to love a world that bypasses love because it bypasses feeling. Because a bomb can end it all. Because physical life “doesn’t matter,” because we’re going to Heaven.

When religion forgets embodiment, it becomes isolated, forgetful. Religion is isolated. Religion is forgetful. Religion is not embodied.

And what of non-dualism? It can also become an escape hatch: “We’re all one,” so pain becomes abstract. Any path, Christian, secular, mystical, can drift into bypassing when it refuses to feel. A chance to escape reality. To know that we are all one. So pain is numb. Pain in the body becomes irrelevant. We will POOF into the cosmos. . . ENLIGHTNMENT NOW. Mmmmm, I am cosmic now that these mushrooms have shown me the way out of myself.

Have you ever held an infant in your arms after they ripped through your womb, as your labia pulsed from the pressure, blood clots oozing like jellyfish from your open core? God, cosmos, forever and this moment in your arms? Have you ever held the hand of the dying? Promised them comfort you knew nothing of. That you loved them? Have you lost someone too soon? Your brain repeating the last moment you saw them on loop, psycho torture device.

Our true understanding lies in our blood, our heart, our love (feminine) … “God”, cosmos, intellect (masculine) illuminates this work. So though the pain of facing this world threatens to destroy me I seek to illuminate it.

I will not push aside the pain of this existence. I will not deny the truth of our birth, blood covered and helpless, dead unless for love. Love the body, the milk of a human mother, the pulse of her body sustaining my existence. An offering. One made against wills, against abilities, against desire. We are nothing without The Mother and we have forgotten her.

We have followed a half truth of our existence. We KILL AND FIGHT in the name of a God who is trying to illuminate love. God sent his Son, through woman … God sent us to feel. He gave us this weak body to experience pain. We age and die to show us we are limited. To teach us to give, to offer the dregs of ourselves to another. In small consistent ways we are taught to mute our bodies.

As I woke to the sensations of my living body truth flooded me. I crashed into despair and confusion. Waking up felt like “ruining a good thing,” but my body was screaming a truth I couldn’t come to with my mind, so conditioned I was. Aliveness is messy and merciful; it breaks false order. It forces us into alignment if we choose to listen instead of ignore ourselves.

TODAY’S PRACTICE

Practice (today): Put a hand on your sternum. Inhale for 4, hold 2, exhale for 6—three rounds.

Whisper: be here.

Question: Where am I buying “peace” with self-abandonment? Name one micro-course-correct you’ll make today. I choose presence every second. Some seconds, minutes, hours slip away in mindlessness; and I recorrect.

Blessing: May your honesty gather the right people and release the wrong rooms. Go gently, not quietly.

Until tomorrow, keep your throat chakra open.

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