w/Jenni Tooley

Welcome to another episode of Jenni Tooley Presents: Cancer Chronicles—where I bring you the sacred, the messy, the holy-s**t-that-actually-happened parts of healing from cancer.

This time, I’m taking you deep into the underworld. Not metaphorically—literally. We’re talking about my barium enema. Yep, I said it. And I lived to tell the tale.

In this episode, I share:

* Why a tube full of white chalky liquid got shoved where the sun don’t shine

* What happened before, during, and after (spoiler alert: pink barium is a thing)

* How my nervous system went into full-blown freeze mode

* Why chanting “Om Namah Shivaya” while clenching your butt is a next-level spiritual practice

* And how farting—yes, farting—has become my new favorite miracle

But more than that, I talk about what it means to hold onto your truth when the medical world—and sometimes even your own body—tells you you're "fine" when you're clearly not.

This is a raw one. It's also a reclaiming of voice, body, and breath. And if you’ve ever felt like you should be okay but weren’t, this one’s for you.

So pour a cup of something warm, find a soft place to land, and let’s get real about trauma, resilience, and why I’m never doing that again unless someone knocks me out first.

🪷 Mentioned in this episode:

* Mildred B.B. Puckrup (my beloved stoma)

* The Frankenstein Table of Doom

* Why we should ALL celebrate our farts

* A gentle reminder: “I stand for myself without standing against others.”

💌 Want more sacred stories with a wink and a wobble?Subscribe over at JenniTooley.com and join our sanctuary for soulful transformation (but it’s also fun—I can find humor in almost everything).

Help keep jenni tooley presents accessible to all and sustainable for us. If you have the capacity to make a financial contribution, please become a paid subscriber at www.jennitooley.com or send some digital love via Venmo: @jenni-tooley

Hi darlin!

Once again, keeping it simple. Here’s the breakdown. Listening is better because what I say between the bullet points is pure magic:)

* Stoma and ostomy success- let’s celebrate!

* Why I’m excited about having barium squirted up my butt

* Using the 3A’s to go from surgery PTSD to feeling good about it

* How deep listening and emotion code work healed a surgery trauma

* A few of the “other things” I used to kick cancer out of my butt including energy work, lymphatic massage, emotion code work, affirmations, and ancestral healing

* When a staple coming out of your butt is a good thing

* I’m not surprised I’m tumor-free but they are

* Making the decision that “this is how it is going to go”

As always, there is a transcript available- it’s a mess, but it’s there:)

Lotsa love, JenniThe barium enema that I have tomorrow will decide if I can move into the final phase of cancer treatment!

Want to take me out for a post-barium-enema-virtual lunch followed by an ice cream treat? Upgrade to a paid membership at www.jennitooley.com or become a founding member today! Or fill up the icecream piggy bank via venmo: @jenni-tooley or zelle: [email protected]

I promise, I’ll send pictures! (Not of the enema part, unless you’re into that:)

Welcome, once again, to our multi-faceted series: “in the heartlight”. Today we are finishing up (for now) our series of interviews with Mr. James of MrJames Workshop (aka Dalton) with a discussion about his video creation: “Creation”.

I’m going to keep this one simple. Let’s let the work and the spoken words speak for themselves🥰 I suggest you watch the video before listening to our conversation and then revisit it as we talk our way through it. (There is also a transcript- it’s a mess but you can check it out if needed!)

I hope you’ve been enjoying getting to better know him and the worlds he creates as much as I have, Jenni

Share the love by becoming a free or paid subscriber! If already a subscriber, you can manage your subscription by clinking on the “subscribed!” button below. You can also make a donation via venmo: jenni-tooley or zelle: [email protected]

If you missed the previous two interviews you can find them here:

Alright. I admit it.

This episode is not for the faint of heart. But nothing cancer or ileostomy related is, so pull out your vinyl Queen “Hot Space” album and sing along.

(Yes. Under Pressure” is on a Queen album, not a David Bowie album. Who knew?)

And if you want more raw, unedited, real accounts of what my experience has been like kicking cancer out of my butt, become a paid member of Jenni Tooley Presents. Or donate to the production fund via Venmo: @jenni-tooley or zelle/paypal: [email protected]

PS: This episode ends abruptly. I start talking about surgery PTSD. The dog starts barking. And “blam!” It’s over. I hope that didn’t trigger any PTSD for you- if it did, never fear, I will follow up on part 2. Imperfection rocks!

Jenni Tooley here. Reminding you that no matter what, life is goingto happen. If you're getting to the end of your rope, I am right there with you.

The good thing is, is that this too shall pass.Good, bad, or indifferent.This too shall pass.We are resilient.We are loved.And we have all kinds of support around us.It's just a matter of asking and receiving.Sometimes you don't even have to ask.Sometimes it just comes to you.Know that you are loved.

Join me for this episode of Cancer Chronicles as I sit in my car on the way to my post-surgical follow-up and chat about:

* Dealing with the frustration of making mistakes

* The anxiety of travelling with an ileostomy, knowing I’m about to run out of supplies

* Being patient with myself and grieving during transitions (nope it’s just part of the deal)

* This isn’t working, I must be doing something wrong

* Adaptation disorder

* Disability denials and the relief of bringing in the lawyers

* Eating with an ileostomy: bags under my eyes and 15 pounds lighter

* Finding the fun and beauty in things even when I’m tired and feel like s***

My goal is to share my experience, strength, and hope with others, helping them to find peace amidst chaos and to know that they are not alone. Support this goal and my no-paywall mission by becoming a paid subscriber or donating to the production fund via venmo: @jenni-tooley or zelle: [email protected]

Once again- massive gratitude to all who have been on part or all of this journey with me!I have been up to my elbows in s**t, literally, for the last few weeks because I’ve been having trouble adjusting to my stoma, Mildred (that’s Mildred B.B. Puckrup to you;). I’m allergic to adhesives so that already creates a challenge. And I can’t get a good seal around her, which means that stomach acids are sitting on my skin, eating away at it under the ostomy bag. After scouring dozens of Reddits and YouTube videos, I may have come up with the right combination of products and protocols that will allow the skin around the stoma to heal. Fingers crossed.

This episode was recorded about ten days after I returned home from the hospital. What you can expect in the roundabout ramblings from a rectal resection post-op patient:

* living with an ileostomy

* I remembered I had a belly button

* Angry skin

* Youtubers are awesome

* Detailed explanation of an ileostomy, stoma

* Keeping things simple amplifies abundance

* Using my intuition to find ways for a diverse range of people to support me in the easiest and most fun way possible

* Being brave and going with my “crazy idea” of graphically representing my stoma and creating a wish list for “our arrival home”

* Allowing myself to receive and convincing my nervous system that it is safe to receive

And a whole lotta love.

Transcript is available- my AI still hasn’t learned to spell my name correctly but none of us is perfect, are we?Jenni

I’ve made it my mission to share my journey honestly so that others may benefit from my experience, strength, and hope. Support the mission. Subscribe here or donate to the production fund via venmo: @jenni-tooley

First things first. I am deeply grateful for all of the support. I want to list each of you by name, but my brain will inevitably leave someone out. So…Thank you so much to those who participated in the chat while I was in the hospital:)Thank you to everyone who sent things from the wish list.Thank you to those who have shown up at my house to help.Thank you to those who are caring for my animal companions.Thank you to those who have venmo’d, zelle’d or handed me complimentary yums.Thank you to those who have emailed or commented on posts.Thank you to those who have prayed and sent good thoughts.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Now on to the episode!

This episode was recorded on my second or third night at the hospital after my LAR- rectal resection with an ileostomy loop. It’s very raw and goes into details about the surgery, after-effects of surgery, learning how to use an ostomy bag, and the anxiety of going home. I don’t even remember what I said, but I knew that it needed to be recorded. I am not including show notes here. It’s short- have a listen or check out the transcript. *For some reason, my transcript AI cannot figure out how to spell my name, and I don’t have the oomph to correct it.

Love gifts are still welcome- and will be for quite some time. So keep on sending them along if you are inspired:)venmo: jenni-tooleyZelle: [email protected]

You are loved!Jenni

Hello! Hello!I’m here! I’m alive! Robots are going to chop up my rectum in 7 days! Please send love, send sanity, send whatever you like! (venmo: @jenni-tooley zelle: [email protected])

Thank you so much to Brian and Steven for sending some love$, to Vicki & Melvin for animal help, to Dalton for puzzle hours, Belen for bevvies, and my mom and dad, just cuz:)

Reminder: Transcript available:)As you know, my goal is to keep these podcast posts manageable and as simple as possible, so here we go!

Rectal surgery in 7 days? What’s a girl to do? Get her s**t together- and avoid everyone else’s!

Getting s**t together deets:

* navigate disability denials, talk to lawyers, fill out paper work, fill out more paperwork, write and notarize your will, advance directive, and power of attorney, get lab test, figure out how to communicate with friends and family during surgery and hospital stays, get stuck with some more needles, eat everything I can get my hands on that I won’t be able to eat for awhile, more paperwork, go to the pharmacy, restock the kitchen with low fiber high protein bland food, find an outlet that has good pudding, try to get ahold of nurses who should have already called you to share information with you, fill out some more paperwork, set up Google Calendars, attempt to avoid governmental systemic thinking that is confusing and really wants to reward you not for healing and positivity but negativity and victimhood.

Whew! Was that simple enough for you?

Thank god I’ve spent my life learning how to thrive in chaos.

More to come…love you!Jenni

Help feed the rectal robots. Become a paid subscriber:)

Here we are with exciting news for Cancer Chronicles, S4 Ep2. I’m cancer-free! Whoop whoop! Get out your pom-poms! Cue the Sousa marching band! Pop open a…wait, what’s that you say? I still have to get surgery?Grrrr. Argh.

This is one of those moments where I must pause and celebrate this milestone* even if the journey must go on.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I appreciate and love each and every person, place, and thing that has gotten me here today!

Now, let’s talk about the rest of it. You can listen to the episode or read the transcript at www.jennitooley.com if you’re not already there:)

Here’s this episode’s breakdown:

* I thought if we shrunk the tumor down to nothing, we would be done. I was wrong.

* The reason why I’m choosing to have rectal resection surgery even though I don’t want to.

* Colon lips: To poop or not to poop.

* How “Bless it or block it” helps me make decisions and keeps me moving in the “right” direction.

* We’re coming up on a year now since diagnosis. Surgeries will take another 4 months or so.

* Staying present, healthy, and as joyful as possible while acknowledging I’m tired.

I’m on the two-week countdown to surgery. Support via prayers, good wishes, flowers, live plants, gift cards, massive amounts of dark chocolate, and cold hard digital cash via Venmo (@jenni-tooley) and Zelle ([email protected]) is appreciated.

That’s all for now! You are loved- never doubt it.Jenni

You have the power to keep this podcast alive and free to all who need it by sharing with friends and becoming a paid subscriber or founding member:)

*You can reference my Chaos Management Series post about the Science of Celebration here.

Hi Darlin!First, let’s catch up!

Thank you so much to those who supported Season 3 of The Cancer Chronicles podcast! It’s been nearly a year since I was diagnosed with Stage 3aN1 Rectal cancer- can you believe it? At that time, I decided I was going to produce the s**t out of cancer (get it…I’ve got rectal cancer;). So not only did I project manage my healthcare and life, but I turned this whole mess into an unexpected new season of the podcast. I called it: Confessions: “The Cancer Chronicles” (cue the loud echoey music).

I started talking to my phone on May 28, 2024- and then kept talking to it whenever the mood struck. With your support and our fabulous podcast manager, Phillipa, we produced 16 episodes that followed my journey from diagnosis through the first 8 months of treatment. It was raw vulnerability at its best- the ups, the downs, how I found peace in the midst of chaos, and some good old rectal humor.

Sharing my story and how I am finding peace in the midst of chaos has not only been cathartic for me but has served other cancer thrivers, caregivers, and friends.

There’s so much cancer out there right now. “The Big C” strikes fear and silence into most- so let’s keep talking about it. It’s part of life. It sucks- but it doesn’t have to suck if we all stick together and find the joy in the gift it brings. That gift is presence.

And the show goes on. Cancer is still a pain in my rectum, so I’ll keep talking about it.

Head’s up: The format is going to get even less formal (and possibly more fun?) because I’m all fundraised out, and all the fabulous bells and whistles like the cleverly and concisely written show notes, clean recordings, consistent scheduling, etc. were all the work of our podcast manager, Phillipa, who I cannot afford to pay right now.

What can you do?

Come be present with me and take a small action today that could change your life- or someone else’s. Listen to the podcast. Share it with your people. Donate to the production fund. Take out a paid subscription to this substack. Whatever helps you connect.

I know you’re rooting for me- just like I’m rooting for you! So let’s get on with it!Love ya lots!Jenni

Welcome to Season 4 Ep1!

No show notes today- here’s a quick lowdown:-This episode was recorded on Feb 25, 2025, four weeks out from my last day of 8 months of chemo.-Chemo side effects continue…huh, wha?-Selfcare regimen to the rescue- thanks to all who contributed!-Life continues regardless- for everyone. Daily tasks keep coming. People and help come and go too.-Cancer treatment is a long journey.-The PAW grant that helped me with puppy and kitty food-The universe will take care of you no matter what-Expect a miracle. It may not look like what you think it’s going to look like, but it’s still going to show up:)

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