Women Wanting Women

We know that we live in a patriarchy, but what does that mean and how does it affect us?

Well… it turns out that living in a patriarchy is actually traumatic.

In fact, there’s an actual condition called Patriarchy Stress Disorder that most of us don’t even realize we’ve been living with our entire lives.

Women in today’s patriarchy have exponentially more rights and opportunities than our mothers and our mothers’ mothers and our mothers’ mothers’ mothers had before us. So life for our female ancestors was terrifying in ways that are hard for us to imagine in today’s world.

But what we don’t realize is that we carry their terror inside of us in our DNA. Because studies have shown that trauma literally gets passed along in our genes, from generation to generation.

So we inherited the trauma our female ancestors experienced.

The reason this matters is because we, as women, are susceptible to getting triggered by “trauma responses” even though we don’t realize we have trauma.

When our trauma responses are triggered we either “fight”, “flight” or “freeze.” (Those are the tools our subconscious uses to keep us safe from danger.)

So there are times in our lives when we might be inexplicably pissed off or afraid or stuck.

And we don’t realize, as it’s happening, that we’re actually having a trauma response. And since we don’t realize it’s a trauma response, we just blame ourselves. We can see ourselves pissed off or afraid or stuck and think we have some kind of personal problem (or that there’s something wrong with us).

We don’t know, in these situations, that we’re having a trauma response, so we blame ourselves and feel bad about ourselves, which only undermines our power even further, bolstering the patriarchy that keeps us down.

It’s a vicious cycle.

In this episode of Women Wanting Women I interview Dr. Valerie Rein, the woman who discovered this condition and named it Patriarchy Stress Disorder.

During the interview she teach all about what Patriarchy Stress Disorder is, how it affects us, and what we can do to overcome all the ways it holds us back.

Dr. Valerie Rein, the founder of Her Genius, Inc., is on a mission to advance women’s healing and liberation, so they may know their true beauty and true power.

She is a psychologist and author of the forthcoming book Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Missing Link to Liberation for High-Achieving Women.

Dr. Valerie Rein holds an EdM in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University and a PhD from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.

She is a sought-after speaker at conferences and companies committed to unlocking women’s full potential and supporting their success and wellbeing.

Find Dr. Valerie Rein online and follow her on social media:

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Because females express their aggression in “alternative” ways…

Have you ever been jealous or competitive with another woman?

Has another woman ever been jealous or competitive with you?

How about when you were growing up?

All humans are mammals. We are animals in the animal kingdom.

And all animals are competitive with each other.

And what we’re competing for is social status.

Because higher-status creatures in nature have more access to food and resources and mates, which allows them to survive and pass along their genes.

So the drive to pursue status is a survival instinct.

And we humans evolved with these survival instincts as part of our DNA.

In nature, the competition for status and survival gets played out physically. In nature, all competitive aggression is physical aggression. Animals are competing for physical dominance, and they compete by fighting physically with each other.

The “alpha male” is the one who wins the fights. He’s the strongest, and thus the most desirable mate for females who want to pass along strong genes to their offspring.

But in modern society human females are socialized differently… and because of that girls’ competitive aggression comes out differently than it does for boys.

Athletic boys are usually the most popular, which is similar to how things work in the animal kingdom.

Status works different for females in modern society than how it works in the animal kingdom.

The strongest, most athletic female isn’t going to necessarily be the most popular, the way she would if she was a dude.

In modern society, girls get their status from their social connections more than from their physical strength.

Their social status comes from their relationships, not from their physical prowess.

So when girls are competitive with each other, their competitive aggression doesn’t come out in a physical way… instead their aggression is played out by attacking each other’s relationships.

And in this episode of Women Wanting Women I get to interview Rachel Simmons, the author of the book Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture Of Aggression In Girls, which is the book that taught me more about competition between females than any other resource I’ve ever found.

Odd Girl Out is a roadmap that details the various forms of “alternative aggression” we use instead of physical aggression.

And this is so important, because up until recently there were hardly any studies done on this and we had no language to explain what’s really going on.

When you were younger did you ever find yourself in a situation where girls were being mean to you, but you didn’t even have words to understand what was happening or defend yourself?

This is a really big deal for queer women because our primary relationships are with females.

And that’s why I think the book Odd Girl Out should be “required reading” for all queer women.

Rachel Simmons is the author of New York Times bestsellers Odd Girl Out and The Curse Of The Good Girl. Her most recent book is Enough As She Is: How To Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards Of Success To Live Happy Fulfilling Lives.

As an educator, Rachel teaches girls and women skills to build their resilience, amplify their voices, and own their courage so that they—and their relationships—live with integrity and health.

The cofounder of national nonprofit Girls Leadership, she is an experienced curriculum writer and educator. She is currently the Director of the Phoebe Lewis

Leadership Program at Smith College. Rachel has served as a national spokesperson for the Always #LikeAGirl and Keds Brave Life Project campaigns, and consults nationally on women’s professional development.

Rachel was the host of the PBS television special, “A Girl’s Life,” and her writing has appeared in the Washington Post, Atlantic, Slate, and The New York Times. Rachel is a regular contributor to Good Morning America and appears often in the national media. Odd Girl Out was adapted into a highly acclaimed Lifetime television movie.

Find Rachel online and follow her on social media:

The post Aggression Between Females: An Interview With Rachel Simmons appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

We all worry, we all experience loss, we all feel pain and insecurity… Some people might seem “perfect” or look like they “have it all together”, but there’s no human among us who has nothing to ever be upset about. We all know what it’s like to fear that we’re not enough or that we won’t have the love and resources we need to be happy and safe.

We’re not born knowing how to deal with loss when it happens or how to process our pain when we feel it.

All of us are wounded in our own way, and the more we work on processing our own wounding, the more we can be better friends, better partners and better humans.

What if every loss and challenge in our life is a gift that is here to wake us up and teach us something new?

Instead of wishing our uncomfortable experiences would stop or go away, we can lean in and ask ourselves: who do we get to be next, after the loss?

We can allow ourselves to feel upset (hurt) by whatever happened while ALSO looking for how the loss or challenge is going to push us to grow.

In the face of any loss we have the choice to either be a victim or to be empowered. And empowerment is always the better choice.

In this episode of Women Wanting Women Kim Iglinsky, a former supermodel-turned-healer, tells her story of leaning in to loss and using the pain in her life to grow herself into a woman who is every bit as wise and loving on the inside as she is strikingly beautiful on the outside.

Listen to this interview to learn:

Below is a “tapping” demonstration video Kim made for the Women Wanting Women community.

Kim Iglinsky was an international top model from Milan to Paris to New York for 12 years, during which she worked with fashion industry legends including Alexander McQueen, Mario Testino, Tom Ford and Calvin Klein – and she was featured in Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, W magazine in addition to the countless runway fashion shows she walked.

But the years of living the fashion lifestyle led to many unhealthy habits, toxic thinking, and dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

Eventually, in the span of four years, Kim lost her sister, her father and 3 late term pregnancies…

This plummeted her into a life-threatening depression, and when wine and cigarettes eventually stopped working to cover the pain, she had no choice but to work directly on undoing the unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns that were running her life.

Through a journey of exploring various healing modalities Kim was able to create the life she wanted. And now she has now spent over a decade studying, training and working with clients to navigate the difficult patches of life, and helping them recover a sense of self, clarity and purpose.

Find Kim online and follow her on social media:

The post Processing Pain, With Kim Iglinsky: A Former Supermodel Tells Her Story Of Loss And Learning How To Feel appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

Every human being can relate to the experience of emotional suffering.

We’ve all experienced sadness and loneliness and rejection and fear and loss and hurt…

It’s literally impossible to live a full life without encountering these kinds of painful emotional experiences.

But IS possible, with the right kind of training, to shift our emotional suffering into a state of ease.

Here’s the simple truth: all emotional suffering comes from our thinking.

It’s the thoughts in our heads that cause all the emotions we feel (the good and the bad.)

So we can control our emotions by controlling our thinking.

But it takes a lifetime to master…

And in this episode of Women Wanting Women I interview my friend GiGi Madl who has spent the last 21 years devoted to mastering the skill of shifting emotional suffering into a state of ease. I asked her to come onto the podcast to share her story and her best advice for how anyone, no matter what they’ve been through, can find a way out of suffering.

For all of GiGi’s adult life, she has been committed to ending suffering and knowing who we are beyond the human identity. As a student of the human experience, she has studied her own human evolution through a life of personal inquiry, and her trainings have been varied and wide ranging over the past 20 years of her journey.

She currently lives in NYC and is a real estate broker in Manhattan where her personal development skills vastly pay off. For the past 10 years prior to moving back to NYC, GiGi was facilitating and teaching women’s empowerment retreats and workshops internationally. She has taught somatic practices and the inquiry work by Byron Katie and places her focus and enthusiasm on exploring the human potential, personal development and mystical realms.

With over 20 years of experience, GiGi brings a passionate drive in working with people to awaken their innate qualities and how to move them forward in their lives in the direction that is the most meaningful to them.

Follow GiGi Madl on Instagram @gigimadl.

Different aspects of GiGi Madl’s training and learning that have been highly influential for her include:

The post How To Stop Emotional Suffering. With GiGi Madl appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

How do you relate to your pleasure? Do you find it innocent or guilty?

What if you believed your primal urges were the most innocent and authentic parts of you?

Would you treat yourself different than you do now?

Would you honor your pleasures and desires more, if you saw them as precious and important?

The part of our brain that thinks is the thing that tells us we’re “not supposed to” want things… but “evolutionarily-speaking” that’s actually the youngest part of our brain… on the other hand, the part of our DNA that drives our primal urge for pleasure evolved billions of years earlier… and that part of us is exponentially older and wiser…

When we are drawn towards pleasure, it’s our body’s wisdom speaking to us. Not our thinking minds.

Our bodies know so much more than our minds do (if our minds were left to figure out how to get our lungs and eyeballs and kidneys and endocrine glands to all work, we’d be screwed.)

Our pleasure (and the extent to which we pay attention to our bodies’ desire for pleasure) can be the answer to everything from better sex to easy weight loss to deeper authenticity… and in this episode of Women Wanting Women, Jena la Flamme, a leading sacred sexual empowerment and body confidence coach, explains how.

Listen to this interview to discover tips for:

Jena la Flamme is a leading Sacred Sexual Empowerment and Body Confidence coach.

Her teachings show that pleasure is not a contradiction to a healthy, fulfilled life, but an absolutely necessary, essential ingredient. Jena’s mission is to spread the knowledge that our bodies are sacred and so is sensuality and sexuality. She preaches that when we embrace these dimensions of ourselves with trust, self-love and dedication, our lives flourish.

Through her private coaching, eCourses, movement journeys, meditations, transformational workshops and ceremonies, Jena helps women reconnect with their bodies as wise, intelligent, intuitive, pleasure-loving animals.

During her ten year struggle with food, weight, and bad body image, Jena despised her body and was highly suspicious of pleasure in general. This lasted until she discovered that her issue wasn’t that she was having too much pleasure, it was that she wasn’t having enough! As she learned to trust the wisdom of her body and to trust pleasure, including her sensual and sexual appetites, she came to peace with food and her body confidence soared.

Since embracing pleasure as a discipline and guiding principle in her life, Jena devoted herself to showing women around the world how to be in tune with the innate, pleasure-loving, sensual wisdom and sexual genius of their bodies. She takes a fierce stand for all women to feel at home in their skin and take pride in themselves and their sensual and fierce feminine nature.

Jena is also a weight loss expert, and published author of Pleasurable Weight Loss: The Secrets of Feeling Great, Losing Weight and Loving Your Life Today.

Jena’s unique approach to pleasure, sensuality, sacred sexuality, body confidence, pleasurable weight loss and pleasurable living, have made her a much sought-after teacher.

She has been featured in Elle, Glamour, The New York Times and Prevention magazine. For more information, visit her website: www.jenalaflamme.com

Find Jena online and follow her on Social Media:

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How comfortable are you with feeling emotions like anger and grief?

How comfortable are you with feeling lust?

Are any emotions so uncomfortable that you choose (or try) not to feel them?

When we don’t feel our emotions we’re doing something called a “bypass.”

And when we bypass our emotions (by refusing to feel them) we’re actually keeping ourselves stuck in pain.

Because painful emotions don’t go away by pretending they don’t exist. They go away by getting processed and healed.

So often people think that the only solution for healing our “emotional issues” is to see a psychologist.

But psychologists only work with the mind.

Ancient wisdom teaches us that emotions can’t just be healed using the mind.

Ancient practices such as yoga and chi gong and tai chi and tantra all contain wisdom for healing emotions through the body.

And today all over the world there are new teachers emerging who are creating opportunities for people to use their bodies as tools for emotional healing.

And in this episode of Women Wanting Women I interview Bernadette Pleasant, the creator of a class called

Femme! that is all about healing emotions through movement.

(And no, the word “femme” is not used here the way it is ordinarily used inside the lesbian community. She explains more about that in the interview.)

As you’ll hear in this interview, Bernadette teaches that there are no good bad light or dark emotions – only emotions that need to be fully expressed.

We so often want to avoid feeling our uncomfortable emotions because they’re truly difficult to fully observe and pay attention to and feel and be present for.

But Bernadette Pleasant stands for the idea that no emotions are “negative.” Yes, there are some emotions “we don’t want to have.” But they are a part of what makes us human, and we are built for having them.

Bernadette’s class Femme! is a class where people can go to “move through” and “act out” and “give voice to” our wide range of emotions in order to help heal them.

Intoxicating and energetic, Bernadette Pleasant is a fiery sensual Speaker, Somatic Healer, and Creator of Femme!, a mind-body wellness program.

She has spent a lifetime exploring creative visualizations and celebrations of the human form, from sensual dance to somatic healing. A gifted healer, dancer, and entrepreneur, she channels her personal journeys and her radical empathy into transformative, immersive experiences that empower and celebrate people of all genders, ages, sizes, and fitness levels.

Bernadette travels globally empowering all through classes, private workshops, retreats and conference engagements.

Find Bernadette and follow her on social media…

The post Fully Expressing Our Emotions… With Bernadette Pleasant appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

Meet Antonia Predovan.

Did you ever notice how there’s a “good kind” of popular and a “bad kind” of popular…?

The “bad kind” of popular happens when someone has high status, but they’re mean and scary.

But the “good kind” of popular happens when the person’s popularity comes from the fact that they’re friends with everyone and they making everyone feel better about themselves…

Well, in this episode of Women Wanting Women we learn all about how to meet and connect with women from Antonia Predovan, a force of nature who truly embodies what it means to be the “good kind of popular.”

Antonia is a fun-loving beautiful person who is constantly building community and bringing people together with genuine open-heartedness.

For anyone familiar with the show The L Word, Antonia Predovan has a similar kind of confidence and swagger as Shane…

But Shane was a heartbreaker. She had intimacy issues.

Antonia is the exact opposite, in that way. They’re a big lover with a big heart and they’re all about intimacy.

But for anyone who ever watched Shane in action and wondered “how does she do it?!?” you’re in for a treat…

Because in this episode we have our “Real-Life Shane” giving us practical tips anyone can use to have more success meeting and connecting with women.

In this episode Antonia Predovan shares their best tips for:

Antonia is a brand strategist, brand ambassador, event producer and CEO and Co-Founder of QueerCut, an online fashion marketplace connecting brands that offer authentic, inclusive products and services for customers seeking clothing and accessories curated to fit their body type and gender expression.

Follow Antonia on social media…

The post How To Approach Women And Start Conversations… With Antonia Predovan appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

Anyone who is single in today’s world is going to encounter people who identify as polyamorous.

Polyamorous relationships are growing in practice and recognition.

That’s why it’s so important to understand what polyamorous relationships are.

What happens if you’re not polyamorous but you find yourself attracted to someone who is?

In order for us to know whether or not being with a polyamorous woman is something we can handle we need to have a sense of what it all means.

Polyamorous relationships are relatively new as a widespread cultural phenomenon, but there’s a lot of judgment about polyamorous relationships because the idea of sharing our partner can be very triggering to anyone who is monogamous.

But the world is full of monogamous people who are continuing to practice monogamy, and for those of us who identify as monogamous, it’s important to realize that polyamorous women are not infringing on our ability to have the monogamous relationships we want to have.

So instead of calling polyamorous “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong” it’s important instead to simply learn about how these other kinds of relationships function, and how other humans want to function in their relationships…

Understanding more perspectives makes us wiser.

Who better to tackle a serious, complicated, emotionally-charged topic than a standup comedian?

On this episode of Women Wanting Women Mindy Raf, a queer female Brooklyn-based actress, writer, and comedian teaches us all about polyamorous relationships and the various ways they can work.

We get into some really interesting nuances, plus a discussion about what practicing polyamory teaches polyamorous people about jealousy, insecurity, abandonment and how to draw boundaries that work best for each individual…

We also share a funny talk about dating women and the neurotic things we women can do in our heads when we get nervous on dates…

And lastly, since Mindy is an actress and comedian who produces her own shows, we talk about “art as entrepreneurship”, and how Mindy manages to create her own opportunities as an artist. Those tips can be great inspiration for anyone who wants to do more creative work, but doesn’t know how to get started…

Mindy Raf is a comedian, actress, writer and musician based in Brooklyn, New York. Mindy has contributed to MTV’s GIRL CODE, COLLEGEHUMOR, TNT, VH1, The Daily Comedy Network, and the MY PARENTS WERE AWESOME anthology. Mindy’s debut young adult novel THE SYMPTOMS OF MY INSANITY (DIAL/Penguin) is available at Barnes and Noble and on Amazon. Her critically acclaimed solo comedy show NOT THE ONE: a love story was named an “LBGT Best Bet” by Time OutNew York, “hilariously quirky” by Theatre Is Easy, “Barrier Breaking” by The Edinburgh Reporter, and “cheeky and infectious” by Ed Fest Magazine. Not The One has played to a sold out run Off Broadway at 59E59, it garnered 4 star reviews the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and has sold out at Brooklyn’s Cloud City, The People’s Improv Theater, The Tank NYC, as well as its recent guest production residency at NYC’s Theaterlab. Mindy also co-produces a monthly comedy show in the East Village in New York City. It’s called Golden Spiral Comedy and it takes place the first Tuesday of the month at The Dream Baby Lounge.

Instagram: @mmmindela

Facebook: @MindyRafComedy

Website: www.mindyraf.com

The post Learning About Queer Female Polyamorous Relationships with Comedian Mindy Raf appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

You might not have heard of Kimra Luna before, but she has a message that is extremely important for all of us to remember…

What excuses do you tell yourself about why you don’t have more of the things you want?

It’s easy to make excuses. We all do it sometimes.

But every once in a while someone else comes along who has had things 1000 times harder than we ever had it, but despite those obstacles still managed to achieve unbelievable things.

In this episode, that someone is Kimra Luna.

My guest, Kimra Luna, is someone who has had to overcome outrageously painful obstacles to achieve the success she has in her life.

She has lived through everything from physical abuse to sexual violence to racism to depression to dropping out of college… but despite those challenges she was bold enough to take herself from living on welfare to creating a million-dollar business and a devoted online following.

If she can create what she’s created, starting from the horrific background she came from, then it’s time for all of us to question our excuses.

As you’ll hear in this interview, Kimra Luna is someone who pursues personal development as a way of life.

When Kimra wants something, she takes action. She learns what she needs to learn, she does what she needs to do, and she continually shows the universe how much she believes in herself.

In this interview you’ll get to hear from Kimra Luna first-hand what it really means to be a self-made person and how much is possible when we make the decision to heal, to succeed, to change for the better and to take action, going boldly for what we want.

In this interview Kimra Luna reveals:

The post Overcoming Trauma. An Interview With Kimra Luna appeared first on Women Wanting Women.

Most lesbians in the workforce don’t realize we have a secret superhero working to make our lives a billion times easier.

I’m talking about Jennifer Brown – And what’s so interesting about her is the trick maneuver that she pulls on unsuspecting homophobic corporate types all over the country.

What Jennifer does around the country is she gets up on stage in front of huge crowds of powerful conservative white men…

(And it’s easy for Jennifer to make conservative white guys comfortable and attentive because she looks exactly the way old conservative white men expect and want women to look… she’s a beautiful, super-femme blonde barbie doll who would be played by Kristen Bell or Reese Witherspoon if we made a movie about her.)

So when Jennifer gets on stage the powerful cis-gendered men let their guard down because they’re all happy to see her…

And then she tells them she’s a lesbian…

Jennifer’s strategy is to use her privilege (that comes from her looks) as a way to win the trust and attention of people in power who aren’t paying attention to the needs of lesbians (and all other marginalized people) in the workforce.

She blows their mind by coming out unexpectedly, and then she uses that shock as a way to wake them up and break down stereotypes and expose the many layers of insensitivity that people of privilege don’t always realize we have.

So that’s why Jennifer Brown is so amazing. She’s a fierce advocate for diversity and inclusion and for the betterment of work conditions for all LGBTQ individuals. She is single-handedly changing lives for all lesbians in the workforce.

I think a huge part of how much LGBT lifestyles and lesbians in the workforce are accepted in any given culture is a function of how visible and integrated LGBT people are throughout the culture.

In recent years being “out” has gotten so much easier the United States, where, according to polling, the majority of the population supports gay marriage, for example. And I’m convinced that this is largely because of how many LGBT characters we’ve seen all over popular film and television over the past 10 years.

When I first came out there were no “popular” movies or shows with lesbian characters.

But now there are tons.

And they’re being portrayed by some of the most famous actresses in the world. Julianne Moore with Anette Benning playing a happy couple in The Kids Are Alright… Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman ripping each others’ clothes off in a sex scene in Black Swan… Cate Blanchett in Carol… (just to name a few).

Not only are lesbian characters more fun for women like us to watch… but they help normalize our community in the awareness of the general population. And they’re really starting to get used to having us around…

And that’s the role Jennifer Brown sneaks in to play for lesbians in the workforce. She’s the one walking in and breaking down those walls for us and for all LGBTQ individuals.

And in this interview we get to hear all about what it’s like to play that role on behalf of our community.

During this interview Jennifer Brown shares:

The post Lesbians In The Workforce: Creating A Safe Space With Jennifer Brown appeared first on Women Wanting Women.