“Let’s talk about the Paris fashion show, and what happened to your breast,” Ellen DeGeneres says in this interview with Nicki Minaj, before grabbing the keys, hopping in the drivers seat and guiding the conversation straight to Nas. Ellen starts out by asking Nicki if she likes both of her breasts the same. Nicki says that she does, but Ellen uses this opening to ask how Nas feels about them.

To much applause, a Texas man named Brandon Vezmar is suing a woman he took out on a date because she texted during Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Vezmar is seeking $17.31, the cost of a ticket for a 3D screening of the film. This is bad. Texting in the movie theater is also bad. So very bad* that it’s understandable if you might consider it a deal-breaker.

Last week we discussed Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj’s new song “Swish Swish” and how it’s probably about their feuds with Taylor Swift and Remy Ma, respectively. We also discussed how Swift’s Very Close Friend Ruby Rose thought it was “low” of Perry to release a diss track despite her claims to be into more “purposeful pop.” Today (thank heavens) we have an update to both sides of the story.

It’s a tale as old as time (to quote another song by the chanteuse this post is about): Kate Winslet, star of Titanic, does not enjoy hearing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” love theme of Titanic. In 2012, Winslet told MTV News that the song made her feel “like throwing up.” She then clarified: “No, I shouldn’t say that...No, actually, I do feel like throwing up. No...” Yes.

On Tuesday, Radar published a video of Jennifer Lawrence on stage at a strip club in Vienna, doing a half-hearted “dance” on a stripper pole. This did not embarrass Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence might have reached the point of celebrity where she’s not embarrassed by much of anything—publicly, at least.

True to her word, Taylor Swift has been quiet over the past couple of months, presumably licking her wounds(?) post-Tom Hiddleston breakup or just hanging out with her cat or whatever. Just in time for summer —the best season for Instagram PDAs—she’s back, baby. And, surprise, surprise —she’s got anew man. It’s Joe Alwyn. Who? You know, Joe Alwyn, that dude who was in some movies you may have seen and, as per The Sun, still lives with his mom and dad.

Paris Jackson loves nudity and you can too! “Being naked is part of what makes us human,” Jackson wrote on Instagram, along with a black and white photo of herself topless on a truly stupendous looking outdoor couch. I...do not know that that’s true, exactly—I thought what made us human was our ability to organize armies or our penchant for clipping coupons or, uh, wearing clothes. But what do I know! “For me it helps me feel more connected to mama gaia (Mother Earth).

Suck it, Ryan Seacrest, Kelly Clarkson doesn’t want it. Instead of joining the cast of the godawful and unnecessary American Idol reboot as was rumored yesterday, Miss Clarkson is betting on the right horse and joining The Voice as a judge for its 14th season. As People reports, Clarkson will be joining sentient ripped t-shirt Adam Levine and Blake Shelton as judges.

Charlie Hunnam is King Arthur in the new very cool Guy Richie King Arthur movie that comes out today, so he completed one of those 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me columns for Us Weekly as part of his whirlwind promotional tour. Though this story’s position at the top of this morning’s Dirt Bag might suggest Hunnam’s responses are funny or revealing, I can assure you they are not. No, the only notable thing about these responses is how utterly dull they are.

On Tuesday, Jon Hamm’s penis once again made its parameters known. Can I just say, “No thank you.” Perhaps I was naive in my teens and twenties. Undoubtedly, I was. But I have no memories of bulges getting such breathless coverage in the media as they have been in the last few years. I’m not prude. I’ll look at an exhaustively compiled list of full frontal nudity. I enjoy a good #GreySweatpantsChallenge pic. This is the only scene of The Leftovers I’ve ever watched.