You Guys are No Fun

Dirk is out of town this week so we invited Chester’s pal Charles to sit it and dork out with us. Chester talks about his love for Assassin’s Creed: Unity, while Rian is still hating on the bugs in the game. Charles tells us about why he actually likes Destiny, we knew there had to be somebody out there. We ask the important questions this week; what is Val Kilmer up to? Is he hanging out with Chris O’Donnell? When are we going to get a Candy Crush movie? Is The Rock black?

Charles gets smashed and plays Terraria so we think he fits right in, and we hope you do too. So sit back, grab a big glass of Battermilk, and enjoy Episode 45 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

Music:

DJ Cutman

Purple Planet

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That is all you get.

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Episode 43: Feed us.

Well, we’ve come about a year with a half with a certain format and we have realized that it has been preventing ourselves from playing games that are new arrivals or just games that organically pop up.  With that being said, we’re just going to talk about our week in gaming and what games that we have individually been playing.  There won’t be a specific game we pigeonhole ourselves into, so we have no idea where this is going to go.  You know what, this whole write-up thing is taking away from some sort of gaming, so just listen to the episode and enjoy!!

Music by DJ Cutman who is AWESOME!!!

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Pointcast 42.1 – Katy Perry’s Wardrobe Malfunction

Because we were getting together at Rian’s place to Super Bowl XLIX, we decided to record our latest episode before we gorged ourselves on beer and smoked pork.  We also had to shuffle our recording schedule a little bit to accommodate for Rian’s  Vasectomy, but we were happy to do so because now you all have nothing to worry about as Rian will never sow his seed in this world.  *insert applause here*  Outside of all that nonsense, we discuss a brief history of music and rhythm games and eventually landed on the Guitar Hero/Rock Band bandwagon around 2005.  We have all played or owned some type of guitar peripheral music game, but Rian loves, and still continues to play, the original Rock Band.  We have other fond memories of the initial rhythm games, like Parappa the Rapper, but we totally missed the bus on the all of the arcade games that featured some type of music peripheral.

Outside of music games and Rian not being able to procreate, we filled the void that we call a podcast with stories of Dirk almost going all ‘Merica all over a lost pool guy and how Rian FINALLY bought a gaming PC.  We’re hoping that this could be the year of the PC, but we’ll find out.  That’s pretty much all you get because Kickoff is in 30 minutes and I’m not spending any more time on this.  We hope that you have picked your pony for the Super Bowl because we stopped caring as soon as the Bucks and Cards were out.  Nestle up to your slightly deflated balls and enjoy Pointcast 42.1 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Pointcast 41.1 – DON’T BREAK CHARACTER!!!

Well, we had intended to do this whole episode in characters of pompous, English snobs, but 2/3 of us couldn’t pull it off.  The other 1/3, Dirk, was waaaaaaaay to hammered to yield his character and it becomes an audio train wreck.  While we were putting together the episode, we decided that the game Braid was pretty much an emo story that Jon Blow was as over protective of and we wanted to go the Masterpiece Theater rout.  Basically, our noses are stuck so far up in the air this week, if it rained, we would drown.  By the end of this Pointcast Rian and Chester hated Dirk, but he goes the distance and makes an ass out of himself for your listening pleasure.

Characters and themes aside, we enjoyed Braid and the cool rewinding time mechanic.  The story was a little too emo for us, but we liked the throwbacks, the tight platforming, and the end game twist.  There were also some great puzzles that had us running to YouTube, but we loved playing a game that makes us think.  There is also a theme of the atomic bomb, but by that point of the episode, we were too drunk to care about Blow’s inspiration.  We wish that we could rewind time and take back all of Dirk’s dumb words for this Pointcast, but we can’t.  We can’t take back the past, and neither can Cher, so sit back on your giant cannon on your war ship and enjoy Pointcast 41.1 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Yo dawg, I hope you like history, because we put some history inside of your history!!  We hope you enjoyed playing as an Assassin because you are going to cast that mantle to the side and pick up the mantle of the Templars.  If you liked any part of Assassin’s Creed – Black Flag, you are going to LOVE Assassin’s Creed Rogue. It has all of the updated gameplay and refined graphics on the last gen consoles, you get a great story that ties Assassin’s Creed Rogue, Assassin’s Creed Unity, and Assassin’s Creed three and Black Flag together.  The ending is almost jaw dropping as you wind up perpetuating all of these games, even though they have already happened.  In the short of it, we loved it, so go throw your money at Ubisoft to help them build their Evil Empire.

While we’ve blown all of our hard earned cash on this podcast and can’t afford the new Mad Catz L.Y.N.X, which should be super cool, these guys are seriously asking $300 FOR A CONTROLLER!!!  They did jam a full Transformer into a nifty little hand-held device, but Jesus Christ, $300 bucks is a car payment.  Outside of having a controller that is “more than meets the eye,” the Consumer Electronic Show (CES) is going on and we will all soon be getting a wifi teapot.  We really want all of banked DOS games over at archive.org, but we have no success.  The new Arkham Knight game potentially has some spoilers floating around out there, but we won’t ruin it for you if you’re reading this and not listening to the episode.  Anyway, we hope that you have picked your side, Assassin’s or Templars, and sit back and enjoy Episode 41 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.  ..oh, also more Star Wars and Mega Man talk.

Music by the Dropkick Murphys – Loyal to no-one

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Well, 2014 is done and in the books.  We want to lead with saying that we really enjoyed doing our dumb little podcast throughout 2014 and we had a great time everywhere we went and are grateful for all of our listeners.  On that note, we have been disappointed by so many different things that have come out of the gaming companies this year that we are going to basically give you nothing but bitching for 80 minutes.  We have so many beefs, and they all really start with Ubisoft and their broken games that they dumped on us.  We’re not joking either, we encourage you to head over to the Ubisoft page and even try to find a way to bitch at them.  We were also broken up about the 12 months of no actual next-gen games coming out for PS4 and the Xbox One.  We’re also going to bitch about a lot more things, so stick around.  I’m tired of pumping out 300 words for these stupid write ups, so asses to you for not reading this and sit back and enjoy the 40th episode of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.  Welcome to being disappointed, just like us.

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Episode 39 – Chester’s Pullover Hoodie

Well, here we are; Christmas has come and gone, we’re all disappointed, New Years is right around the corner, and Dirk is sick with the flu.  This has been the best year ever…  Seriously, aside from the most recent nonsense that has gone on, 2014 has been a great year, and we were happy that we could share it with everyone that listens.  We know there are only like three or four of you, but we’re happy none-the-less.  Except Rian; Rian hates everything, everyone, and especially you!!!  Rian, however, does not hate most of the games that came out in 2014, so get ready for us to ramble on about the games that were 2014.  Were there games that you thought stood out more than others?  Listen along to see if we touch on your favorite game of 2014.

If you were lucky enough to get a Playstation 4 or an Xbox One for Christmas, we’re sorry that both of their respective networks were down.  To kill the time, we also hope that you went over to Hideo Kojima’s 3 hour stream to be trolled into a Metal Gear Chicken Hat.  Oh, if you didn’t catch both of those two gaming events, maybe you should check out the news of Final Fantasy VII being released on the PS4!!! Well, it’s just a port of the PC version, so you get a game that has been playable on all of the Playstations for the past 20 years, with no updated graphics, so suck on that, world!!! Seriously!?! What the hell has been with the Christmas trolling?  We’re happy with the previous events of 2014, so we won’t tell the entire year to suck it because of a terrible Christmas seasons.  We also won’t tell you, the listener, to suck it because we love you too much.  With that being said, gather up your fondest memories of 2014, compile your list of top games to oppose ours, and sit back and enjoy the 39th episode of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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We know that in general, all three of us are degenerates, but we did not make up the word “peesloshing.”  That was all Battleblock Theater and we love it.  Like most other games, we were late to the party on Battlebock Theater, but this game is right up our alley in that the game is a two player co-op, platforming adventure with a charming art design, and the most off the wall writing.  The soundtrack is also awesome as the Secret Level song is nothing but nonsense scat music.  There are also some great puzzles and man were there some cats.  All of the cats…  If you liked Castle Crashers, you should pick yourself up some Battleblock Theater and enjoy.  We have a hard time conveying exactly what this game is, so just stand on us and go pick it up.  It’s super cheap (less than four bucks) on Steam until 1/2/15, so you have no excuse.

Outside of completing some awesome co-op action, we discuss the shame of a fiasco that was the hacking of Sony and how they pulled the movie, the Interview.  We know that the movie is going to be released, and that there is a good chance that we won’t like it, but damn it, WE DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!!!  There is also some mention of some type of Halo 5 beta and Nintendo, but we really need to get to the important things like THE STEAM WINTER SALE IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW, and Rian is getting a vasectomy.  We hope that you are ready for a BUNCH of testicle puns between now and the end of January, because here they cum.  Arnold is also casing in on the Terminator franchise on last time in Terminator Genesys, so we’re geared up for that.  We hope you brought your ice, because Rian is going to need it, so sit back, mind the step children, and enjoy episode (Pointcast?) 38 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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