You Guys are No Fun

We want soooooo much more than our two front teeth for Christmas.  We have some wishes, some grievances, and some just outright nonsense that we want for Christmas, but you know that we always start bitching about Ubisoft and the Assassin’s Creed  series.  Basically, we are going to give you all a collective wishlist from the Casual Cowards.  We’re sorry, but Ubisoft needs to stop wrecking that awesome series.  Dirk also wants time to play more games, and Chester wants to bring his PC into the modern age with a brand new video card.  We won’t spoil any of our other nonsense, so you’ll just have to listen to find out what our first world, adult men asses want for Christmas.

Aside from all of our dumb wishes that won’t come true (because Santa doesn’t exist) we are happy that we can take our favorite old school first person shooter out for a drink as Doom turns 21!!!  John Romero, who was one of the brain children behind Doom, later went on Daikatana, which everyone played… right?  Oh, and for some reason we started to talk about Scott Stapp’s meltdown, which Rian thought would be breaking news that we even downloaded  a soundbite for.  We also revisit the Star Wars VII movie trailer as there was an excellent spoof of the George Lucas remakes, but Rian never pays attention to Dirk’s texts, so we only briefly touched on it.  …and just like that, I just watched an hour of trailers that are coming out at 2015.  Meh, no one ever reads these, so I’m just going to call it at that, so sit back and enjoy the 37th episode of the Casual Cowards of gaming.

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In playing Telltale’s adventure game, the Walking Dead, we can only say that, Jesus, we just wanted to kill Larry over and over again.  We know that we had to protect Clementine, build relationships, and keep yourself alive, but all we wanted to do was to kill Larry.  Outside of that, there was some sort of story about zombies, but we were too busy hating Carl from the Walking Dead TV show to notice.  Awww, we’re just kidding; however, we were only able to get through Episodes 1 and 2 as we still have adult jobs and houses falling apart around us.  We really should hire someone to help us take care of our lives, but we keep pumping money into this show and if the Walking Dead is any indication of where this country is going, we’re all going to be living in makeshift fortresses, fending off the undead as they smash wave after wave into our walls.  So, what’s the point?

Outside of taking care of Clementine and surviving the Apocalypse, we were recording on Black Friday and avoiding the stores like the plague.  We were excited to see the new Star Wars Teaser Trailer, and Dirk was excited for the new Jurassic World Trailer, but Chester has lost all faith in Steven Spielberg, and Rian doesn’t care about the Jurassic Park series anymore.  We also talked about our unhealthy addiction to porn, our grandparents and Dirk’s obsession with owning games that he will never play.  We hope that you all choose your responses carefully, because Clementine will remember… So sit back and enjoy Episode 36 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Pointcast 35.1 – EXTREME MOUNTAIN DEWING!!!!

If you haven’t gotten a chance to play the AWESOMELY EXTREME 2.5D game that is Trials Evolution, or any of of the other Trials games that are out there, you are doing yourself a disservice.  Trials is basically Excite Bike on Mountain Dew.  Not Mountain Dew from the 70s where there was that hillbilly trying to sell you yellow fizzy drink, but the Mountain Dew from the 90s that came equipped with a pair of roller blades and a downhill luge board (anybody remember those things??? They were in the X-Games once.  Seriously, look it up).  Anyway, for a game that has a pretty simplified controls, and a great physics engines, it is a great formula for endless hours of fun… and you can get Trials for 10 bucks on Steam or Xbox Live.  We really didn’t do enough research enough to see if it was on any of the current generation systems, but would you expect anything less from us?

There was some underground, crazy Illuminati-type hidden messages and secret things that one could pick out, if you weren’t getting your bro on listening to the sick soundtrack.  We never picked up on any of it as we were too busy spamming the “B” or “Select” because we missed that last jump… again.  Anyway, if you want to boost your “T-Level” without actually leaving the house, go check out any of the Trials games.  Pop the top of that EXTREME CAN MOUNTAIN DEW, dial up that flat brimmed hat, and enjoy Pointcast 35.1 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming!!!

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We phoned it in this episode for the write up.  What do you want from us!?  Fine, orcs, rings and black blood.  That’s all you get.

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Pointcast 34.1 – Always Keep a Box Handy.

Let’s have a conversation; Disney Capcom games are generally an awesome, and we’re not going to say that Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers 2 is a bad game, but we never played this game when we were younger.  That being said, we may dog on this game a little harder than we should have, but we have no nostalgia to tie us to this game.  But hey, we get to play a game about two chipmunks who were modeled after Magnum P.I. and Indiana Jones!  If you are reading this and didn’t know that, you are welcome.  Outside of that, we really didn’t have fun playing this game as this is a really hard game.  We also didn’t even try to play this game outside of our 24 hour gaming marathon.

We want to thank one of our sponsors, Eric L., for turning us on to this game, but we’ll never play this game again.  We had thoughts about playing Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers 1, but that will not happen unless someone starts paying us for this nonsense.  We’ll start to take this Pointacst thing seriously in the future, we sware, but until then, enjoy Pointcast 34.1 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Well, looks like Christmas came early for us as 2K games and Gearbox were nice enough to give us Borderlands: The Pre: Sequel on October 14, 2014.  While Rian is still resistant to first person shooters, Dirk and Chester are still holding out that Rian will start a Law Bringer character as Nisha and come wreck some house up on Elpis.  Even though Rian has not played the awesomeness that is Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel, Dirk and Chester have been loving it!!  Chester is all about the questing and Dirk is all about jumping out in front of Chester’s sniper shot, which REALLY pisses him off.  They even have a tank character, Athena, but Dirk was too big of an idiot (Dirk and Idiot) and went with Claptrap.  It does add to the fun as Claptrap’s special ability is almost always nonsense and that is right up Dirk’s alley.

While the game is not perfect, looking at you annoying child characters and ALL OF THE AUSTRALIAN ACCENTS, there is plenty of a game here to satisfy any Borderlands fan.  You get all the guns, the writing is spot on (most of the time), the skill trees, leveling and Badass Ranks push progression, and the story works.  What more could you want?  We talked about other stuff, but we’ve been out of it for the past month and we did just do that 24 hour gaming marathon, so meh… Regardless, we’re happy to be back in the saddle and we hope that you enjoy Episode 34 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Poincast 33.1 – There is a 100% Chance that We Will Mess this Up

We would like to start off  by saying that we were internet pressured into joining the Extra Life team, the TSG Crew by none other than our team captain, T.J. Lauerman.  T.J. signed us up and actually admitted that he had no faith in us raising any more money than a 30 pack, and right now, the Casual Cowards (that’s us!!!) are fourth on the list of top fundraisers on our team of 25.  First and foremost, we want to thank everyone that has donated so far as you guys are the reason why we get to have bragging rights over the majority of our team.  That being said, we are still about $350.00 dollars short of our $1000.00 goal, so if you are on the fence, take a few clicks starting here, and help us help the Children’s Miracle Network.  We’ve even tried to sweeten the pot by letting you, the People, pick a game for an hour of our marathon if you donate 50 dollars or more; you pick the game, you pick the time, and we’ll play a whore out an hour of our lives for you and broadcast to the internet.  Get to 100 and above, and you can pick the alcohol.  We know that no one is reading this, so we ain’t skeered.

On top of all of our gaming marathon talk and listing off all of the games we’re playing, we also need to assist the media in warning you that EBOLA IS IN THE UNITED STATES!!! GAME OVER, MAN!!! GAME OVER!!!

Also, we’re taking a couple weeks off after this Pointcast to get ready for the gaming marathon, so there won’t be a new episode out until the first part of November.  It’s not that we don’t love you, it’s just going to bee too hard to get our marathon together and keep our recording schedule.  We hope that you enjoy the episode, and we look forward to the live viewers and comments during our live gaming marathon.  As always, sit back and enjoy Pointcast 33.1 of the Casual Cowards of Gaming.

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Well, Rian is out of town celebrating his birthday so we brought in Connor, who has a beard and glasses, but is a ginger, so we’re going to try to pass him as Rian in the hopes that you, the listener won’t catch on.  If you went to our YouTube channel you would immediately be able to thwart our ruse, but if this is your first time listening you’ll never know the difference.  He does a terrible Kieth David impression, so we eventually had to tell him to pound sand, but he was our resident expert for Jak II, so we were happy to have him here.  Dirk and Chester really needed to have their hands held through Jak II because this was not a game either of them played when they were younger.  The one thing that we could agree with is that Jak II was not a game that aged well.

Outside of that, we talked about other gaming news, but Chester got too antsy about not talking about Jak II, that it doesn’t matter.  Oh, Chester also admitted to stealing Pez as a child, but he was caught, so it all worked out in the end.  There was also some arcade talk, but we kept it to a minimum.  We also wanted to point it out that we recorded the majority of this episode at 1 AM on a Thursday night / Friday morning, so the only one firing on all cylinders is Chester.  We hope you enjoy the haphazard attempt of our latest episode, so sit back and enjoy Episode 33 of the Casual Cowards of gaming.

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Pointcast 32.1 – Phoning it in

We were a little skeptical at first that we would be able to squeak out even twenty minutes of conversation about the awesome puzzle game that is Tetris.  While Tetris is a game that we all have played to no end in the past, and continue to play it now as it is EVERYWHERE, at the base of it, it’s a game about stacking blocks and making lines.  Seriously, if you don’t think that Tetris has permeated into every platform of gaming, just Google it right now and the first hit that you get is a Flash game that you can play for free.  Screw it, we’ll just Google it for you!!  With it’s humble beginnings in the Soviet Union from the imagination of Alexey Pajitnov, Tetris took the gaming world by storm as it was bundled with the release of the Nintendo Game Boy in 1989.  Since then it has been ported, retooled, redesigned, built upon, imitated, copied, cloned and re-released on almost everything that has an input device and a screen.  Again, see the Google search above.

The kicker is that because Tetris was developed in the Soviet Union under Communist rule, Alexey didn’t get a dime for his creation for a decade until he was hired by Microsoft.  Hell, we didn’t even do enough research to see if he has ever received any residuals from the sales of Tetris.  We’re going to venture a guess that because Tetris was originally property of Mother Russia, Vladimir Putin is still living fat off of the Tetris teat.  Disney even jumped on the Tertis bandwagon and released their own version for the Nintendo 64.  With all of the history behind Tetris, each of the Cowards have a story about how much they enjoy playing and watching others play the revolutionary title.  We know that you all have been waiting for this episode like you’ve been waiting for Tetris to just give you that damn line, so sit back and enjoy Pointcast 32.1 of the Casual Cowards of gaming.

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