Your Kickstarter Sucks

Wow, folks! It’s the last YKS before Christmas! Hopefully you have laid the 80s horror VHS tapes out by the old tube tv, taken one bite of the Delta-8 edibles and placed them on the Elvira plate, and filled up a cup with sour Gatorade. Soon, two annoying guys will be knocking on your front door asking if they can come in and use your bathroom! Will they be leaving presents? Perhaps! That depends on how you feel about a VR archery set, a new way to open up plastic bags, and a hat with a QR code on it that maybe orders a type of drink for you? Not sure. Who bought this crap, my weird uncle!? My uncles are all cool actually I just meant sometimes people have weird ones. I don’t know. Uncles take a beating around the holidays, don’t they? We need a day that’s safe for uncles. Uncle Day. We are looking into this very strongly! Have a good one. 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

This really is the season of giving…money! To your favorite independent content creators! In exchange for even more of their high-quality audio and video content! I’m talking, of course, about YKS Premium  – the only gift Santa can’t give! We won’t let him on the premises. We have a restraining order against Jolly Old Saint Nick. He was pulling his pud over by my heat pump. Help us sue him into oblivion by subscribing today!

This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands: 

Schedule35.co - Not all drugs are created equal. Some of them are from the earth! Microdosing psilocybin has some pretty good effects, it sounds like. Plus you don’t get all wacky with it, which is nice. So check it out  and get 15% off with code YKS at Schedule35.co

BetterHelp - Yes, lots of stuff is important. So is therapy. I guess like, gold is important? And silver? But we’re talking about therapy, which is so nice to do for yourself sometimes. And you can get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks. Use the savings to buy some precious metals! 

Faherty - One thing about me is, I love putting on my little clothes and walking around. And Faherty makes some of the best stuff in my closet. But golly I’d like to pay about 80% of what I’d normally pay! And with the code YKSPOD, I can! Because YKSPOD will get you 20% off, at FahertyBrand.com/YKSPOD. 

Factor - ME: I sure am hungry! FOOD: Oh how about me? ME: That’s a good idea. But I don’t know how to get you! FOOD: Uhhh, this just happened. Excuse me, I mean that just happened. ME: Wow! I’ll just type in go.factor75.com/yks60 to my favorite browser and then hit enter or return or whichever one it is. Then, later, I’ll eat food! FOOD: That’s swag. 

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Look, the thing about the episode today is that we got a lot of ideas about hot dogs. And chicken wings. I guess we were pretty hungry when we recorded the episode. But when it’s YKS Nights…that’s just the kind of crazy stuff you’re gonna get! On today’s show, we’re visiting the Kingdom of Fufu, but just for tonight only! Plus, we got some corny shoe stuff not even I can endorse, a way to stay warm at the office that’s NOT setting the Foreman Grill out the night before, and finally saving Canada from the thorny grip of woke! Gather your Missisaugan friends around the iPad…it’s time to listen to YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Here’s an excellent holiday gift for the person in your life who needs to see or have some good stuff: YKS Premium! Get a free month when you pay for a full year – It’s a Christmas miracle! 

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Schedule35 - Microdose – doesn’t sound like much, but studies show a “small” amount of psilocybin can have a “big” effect! Micro is a prefix meaning “small”. That’s why I said that. Get 15% Off with code YKS at Schedule35.co

Athletic Greens - Routines are important. My morning routine is that I wake up, scream in the mirror, and down a cup of vitamins and adaptogens in the form of Athletic Greens AG1. Then it’s back to screaming. And I’ve got all the energy I need for a day of screaming. Get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/YKS

Rocket Money - I’m sick of these motherfreaking subscriptions on this motherfreaking plane! Very possibly something you might say when signing up for a subscription while traveling on a plane. I know I have! Let’s get rid of some of this stuff together, with our friends at Rocket Money. What the heck – I’m paying $9.99/mo for Snakes? Rocketmoney.com/yks

BetterHelp - I’m one of those guy who hears “therapy on the computer” and starts thinking retail therapy! No, but in all seriousness, talking to someone about your problems can really help. And I doubt they’re going to tell you to get a new coffeemaker to cheer yourself up. But I’m not a licensed anything, and I say, sure, if you like coffee, go for it. But do the other stuff, too. Get 10% off first month at betterhelp.com/yks

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Damn my feet smell really bad! That’s not pertinent to today’s episode, but I do think it’s a compelling way to start off the episode description, because you start to go…hmm..I wonder if JF”s feet were stinking during the episode? Or, like did they maybe start to stink right after? And if so, why? Was he out running around without socks? Probably not, it’s winter, but maybe he rushed out the door to get the paper and stepped in a dog’s poop. But then you gotta wonder, do I get the paper delivered? And whose dog poop was it? He called the shit poop! 

Anyway on today’s episode, our werewolf values are under attack! So we go all the way in on another piece of crap landfill robot pet, luggage for people who miss Bird scooters, and a child’s idea. Equal opportunity offenders here, gang. It would actually be unfair if we didn’t do it. And, in fact, the mainstream media wouldn’t, so that’s why we have to. It’s important that we’re like this!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

I’m down on all fours beggin ya…check out YKS Premium! We’ve been on a “hot streak” lately, and last week’s Cool Cat Catch-Up episode is an absolute can’t-miss for anyone who likes weird little guys doing strange little things. Just $5 gets ya, on average, about 4.3 such Certified Classics per month, plus ad-free episodes and access to the YKS Pisscord!

This week’s episode is brought to you by these fine brands:

Schedule 35 – Mushrooms that make ya feel different, huh? Sounds good enough to build a whole kingdom around! I really believe that!! Get 15% Off with code YKS at Schedule35.co

NordPass – There probably is someone out there who can memorize hundreds of secure passwords, credit card numbers, and other account information pertinent to business. But...it ain't you. That's why they came up with NordPass and gave you the "Normal Brain" discount! Get a 3 month free trial at NordPass.com/YKS

HelloFresh – Meals...we all need to eat them and yet, where do they come from? Hard to say. Lot of them are plants, as I recall. And that's about all I know. I'm a meals amateur. The pros are over at HelloFresh! Go to HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks18 and use code yourkickstartersucks18 for 18 free meals plus free shipping to see if the stuff comes from plants or whatever it is.

BetterHelp – Hey! You there! Like Help? Me too. That's why I go to therapy. But sometimes the hard part is the "going" part. So let's bring the therapy to you...just like your precious mail! Grab 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/yks and stop talking to your mail delivery person!

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Well, Thanksgiving is over! All of the little cousins have gone on their walks, all of the uncles have done their politics, and all of the Karens have returned their half-eaten turkeys for store credit because they found a bird poop in the neckhole. Now what?! We all return to our schools or works?? And just sit there without eating a bunch of bread?? This sucks! Yeah, it does. That’s why they invented YKS. Hey, maybe this will kind of suck a little bit less. And if not, hey, free poop in the neckhole. 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

More YKS! Many people are saying it. And many people are getting it as well, by going to Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks! Find bonus episodes, hundreds of hours of video, merch discounts, and more at the URL at the end of the previous sentence. j

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

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BetterHelp - Therapy is goated. And you already know how I feel about going online! BetterHelp, well, they figured out a way to combine the two into one thing, saving time and energy and probably the environment as well. Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks

NordPass - Hey make sure your password has a number, a symbol, and a freaking recipe for the perfect macaroni and cheese to continue. WHaaa?? Coming up with these things is too dadgum hard, and that’s before it even comes down to memorizing them. That’s why we all need a password manager like NordPass. Get a 3-month free trial at nordpass.com/YKS with code YKS 

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Now this is what I'm talking about right here! An Episode of YKS? And the word Episode is being capitalized now for no reason? Kind of weird, kind of cool. Plus it's Monday, my favorite day of the week! Damn. It sure doesn't get any better than this! On today's show we're celebrating our friends, Women, by making fun of some projects explicitly not targeting us loutish clods in any way, taking our hose everywhere we go, and using a little sucky toy to try to keep all the bleep from coming right out of our bloop! If that's not enough to get you to click on the link, maybe direct cash payments to your bank account will be? Let us know!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Oh my god, they're still doing YKS Premium! That's right folks, by somewhat popular demand, where it's like maybe more demand than you'd think but still there could be more demand overall, Mike and JF have returned for yet another week of bonus episodes. Sign up today at Patreon.com/YourKickstarterSucks for hundreds and hundreds of hours of the exact type of crap you like, merch discounts when our store returns (soon!), Discord access and more.

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

NordPass - Access to our various items is so important...it's tempting to make it very insecure! HUGE MISTAKE! That's when calamity strikes! Keep calamity away from your passwords, credit cards, and more -- unless you like calamity?? Uh, you shouldn't. It's bad. See NordPass Business in action now with a 3-month free trial at nordpass.com/YKS with code YKS 

Faherty - Faherty makes the most comfortable clothes in my closet. I slide them on and walk around my house like I'm some big shot with somewhere to be. But guess what...I'm just some schmuck! Oh well! The clothes are nice! Get 20% off your order at FahertyBrand.com/YKS

Factor - Factor is so good, man. It's crazy! We're talking healthy, delicious, easy meals delivered right to your door. And all you gotta do is heat em up. And eat em. And like, wash the fork and stuff. But what do you want, Forkbox? Head to https://go.factor75.com/yks60 for 60% off your first box!

Honey - "I hate easily saving money...I'd rather flush cash down the toilet than click one time and put money right back in my pocket!" <--- My enemies said this one time (in unison). Don't be like them. Download Honey today and save yourself some money this holiday shopping season at JoinHoney.com/YKS

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It’s another episode of YKS starring Danny 2 Phones and his duo of lovable losers! On this week’s episode, we’re making a popcorn run with Orville Weedensmoker to the 4 Glomp Realm, and praying they’re isn’t actually something in my mouth even though it feels like there really is and it’s gonna make me throw up. Plus, we’ve a great new way to drop your infant, an idea that a pothead came up with and weirdly makes no sense, and monetizing retail cashier harassment. My god…How do they keep getting away with making such great episodes!!! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Want more YKS? Check out YKS Premium! Last week we were proud to present our Annual YKS Salute To Service. Just fucking kidding! We DID, however, break down all the politics going on in the world nowadays, which if you don’t know anything about them, suffice to say, they have been really crazy. The politics have, I mean. And therefore, the episodes of our celebrated comedy-alternative podcast have, as well. 

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Athletic Greens - I love my gut, but boy does it have its issues. If only there were a way to increase my adaptogen intake…but the only adaptogens I know of don’t have a pleasantly fruity taste…Wait just a minute! Get 1 year of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/yks

BetterHelp - “Mind your mind and your rewards will be divine” - Unknown Poet. Wow. Makes you think. But sometimes thinking is tough, and you need another thinker in there tinkering around with ya. That’s where therapy comes in, and specifically in this case, online therapy from BetterHelp. Try it for 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks

RocketMoney - These subscriptions, man….I dunno. Some of them are good – great, even. Some of them I could never live without. Many of them support our wonderful independent content creators! Others, however, are garbage. And we need help to tell the difference! Enter Rocket Money. Save hundreds by canceling useless subscriptions today at RocketMoney.com/YKS

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Hey look at THESE! It’s, give or take, about 120 minutes of unhinged goofiness from two old guys who should, frankly, know better. But we just don’t care! On today’s show, we’re munching on crispy rounds in the tractor forums, buying Penis Coins while they’re still on sale, making our Toaster confessions, and doing it all over the whirr of a tree trimmer. Our friends at Tree of Souls won’t be happy to hear that, of course, but for them, we’re pitching in an industrial strength AI ankle breaker, a painting tool for morons, a cure for boredom while driving a Tesla, and inexplicably, something Mike actually likes and wants to buy. And no flubs! (Sorry, Bryan)

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

I Stand With YKS Premium! For bonus episodes, ad-free YKS, our Squeeze Louise video feed, Pisscord access and more, there’s only one place to go: Hell! Just kidding, it’s YKS Premium. Last week, against all odds, we were able to put out a funny episode without any old ass horror movies to talk about. And this week…we’ll do it again! See what kind of crazy crap we come up with, every Friday, at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

BetterHelp - Listen up, brain. It’s time to get yourself fixed. And if you won’t do it, I’ll find someone who will! That’s why I go to therapy…to make my problems someone else’s! Just kidding, sort of. Try this method or others for yourself, with online therapy like BetterHelp today. Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks

HelloFresh - Every week we get the little email that says “Best News Ever! Your HelloFresh Box Was Delivered!” Kind of cute. I think some better news would be winning $1.9B in the lottery. But if they sent me that email it would probably just go to spam. So you know what, HelloFresh is right. Food’s Here! Pretty good. Get 65% off plus free shipping at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks65

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OOOooooOOOOahhhhaaaOOOaaahhhwaaoooooohhhh! This is some scary ass damn crap! It’s the Halloween episode of YKS, and you already know the 666 pack is bursting at the screams with all kinds of horrifyingly bad Kill…uh, screamers! So whether you’re in your Nissan Hexterra or Tasting the Heath on a trick or treat run, crank up this very spooky edition of YKS, and beware the thumping caskets! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Miketober is over, and everyone is so sad! Well, tough titty! But one big, soft titty to remember is that these episodes are forever! Check out ALLL the gory, goopy goodness, with Rucking Fotten’s Jeff Haidaczuk, Dan O’Sullivan, Keith Buckley, and Howell Dawdy, at the YKS Premium Patreon. And now, back to even scarier programming: our normal crap! 

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine sponsors: 

Honey - Coupon codes: Friend or Foe? Hard to say…I sure do love them when they’re hitting, but boy they can be elusive. That’s where Honey comes in. Just download their fancy little tool on iOS or your desktop browser, and go to town. Save $15 on a special cake! No one can tell you not to! Check it out today at JoinHoney.com/YKS

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Do I detect a new segment?? That Mike hates a lot?? Oh baby! I’m like a pig in shit. (Pigs like to be in shit, if you don’t know a lot about pigs or shit.) On today’s show we reflect on Enjoying the Film, HorseTimes, and, yes, Mike’s Joke Corner. That’s why I named the show that! Plus, we got iFood (finally!), a stupid fuckin pen, the Mikey Miles Fitness Routine, and I think there’s at least one Kickstarter in here that someone will get mad at us for talking about, so that’s good. But come on. With that thing. 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Hey if you want to support the show and get a truly outrageous amount of content in exchange, head on over to YKS Premium, where we’re excited to show you the latest in cutting edge paid podcasts. This month we’re celebrating Miketober, with some of our favorite friends and nastiest movies. And next month we will be doing BallBag November where I whack DB in the ballbag every week until he pukes. Check it out. 

Faherty - Here comes Mr Autumn Man! That’s me. I’m wearing my Faherty pullover right now and it’s genuinely one of my favorite pieces of clothing I own. You cannot have it! I have my stink on it already! Get your own! Use code YKS at FahertyBrand.com for 20% off some new spring – or autumn – or whatever! Classics. But leave mine alone. 

BetterHelp - It’s so cool to think your little thoughts. But how about sharing them with someone else? Also not too bad! Look, solving problems is one tough assignment, and you need a game plan. Unfortunately John Madden is dead, so you’re gonna need the next best thing: a professional counselor! Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/YKS

NordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

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Wow I just watched a good ass football game and now while I’m feeling all hyped up, I’m going to write up the episode description for my minor hit comedy podcast, Your Kickstarter Sucks! I bet this is what Michelangelo felt like, when he was really in a groove doing a painting or whatever. And maybe the place where he went to college won a big game. University of Italy defeats France State! And Michelangelo is flying over the stadium in one of his weird flying contraptions, smoking a big cigar. Wow, history sure was amazing! Anyway on today’s show we’re talking about toe condoms, the Ed Gein Card Game, and Producer Dan’s favorite state: Florida! Plus some really weird Kickstarters you are definitely going to want to listen to us talk about while you’re in the shower. So grab a ziploc and go to town on yourself with a rag…it’s YKS! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.

Look I’m not just saying this cause you look really smart/cool/good with money/trickable (pick 2), but really, YKS Premium is one of the best deals in the business right now. Just $5 a month gets you 5 bonus episodes and access to hundreds, if not billions, of shows in our expansive back catalog. Toss in $3 more and you get video of every YKS Premium! That’s right, YKS on your TV! And all this…ad free, delivered to you via the scrappy and lovable Patreon app, and with a convenient resubscribe every month option helpfully pre-selected. It just doesn’t get any better than that! Oh wait yes it does, cause it’s…MIKETOBER!!!  

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor – It occurs to me to me that I think of Factor as the healthy, easy, and delicious meals I get to eat for lunch sometimes, but that’s not really true. For one thing, lunch and dinner are basically interchangeable, right? Plus they got a bunch of other stuff on there, too. Shakes and juices and cookie and wellness shots and sausages and stuff? Oh well, to me, they are “Mr Yummy Lunch”! Get $60 off your first box at go.factor75.com/yks60

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Honey – I just used Honey a few minutes ago to save a nice chunky change on a cake I was ordering! I’m serious! I really hope I remember this anecdote when it comes time to do the next ad read! Download it for yourself at JoinHoney.com/YKS and save some of your own cake money!

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