Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else?

If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship.

In this episode, we'll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken.

Tune in this week as I unpack how our ideas about monogamy are shaped by social and historical forces, why wanting something outside the bounds of monogamy doesn't make you defective, and why your first priority is figuring out what you actually want. You'll also learn how to examine the reasons behind wanting to cheat or open your relationship, and how to think more consciously about the consequences you're willing to tolerate.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/228

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life?

When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build.

In this episode, I invite you to take a step back from the immediacy of your infidelity situation so you can reconnect with what truly matters to you.

Tune in to learn how gaining clarity about your own desires can shift how you see your infidelity situation and the choices in front of you. You'll hear why so many of us never define what love, sex, or romance actually mean to us, how unconscious assumptions can drive painful dynamics, and how stepping out of tunnel vision can help you make decisions that align with the life you want now, not the one shaped by drama or fear.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/227

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation?

Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery.

Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode.

Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set of decisions you make, and how making decisions for clear reasons you like prevents regret, even when the outcomes might surprise you. If you're stuck in analysis paralysis about your infidelity situation, this episode will help you understand that bold decisions aren't irreversible sentences.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/226

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it.

Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?"

Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people, but sometimes it's a way to distract yourself from dealing with dissatisfaction in your committed relationship.

Join me on this episode as I help you cut through the confusion by addressing the most common questions I receive about this topic. You'll learn how to examine your orientation to your committed relationship honestly, why you need to figure out where you stand before deciding whether to disclose anything to your partner, and how to stop letting this consume your precious time and energy.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/225

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"?

I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself "What have we done?!"

But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want.

And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin.

Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity?

Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots.

You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating.

But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less stigmatized, you might need to participate in changing it yourself.

Join me this week as I explore why changing the dominant narrative about infidelity isn't someone else's job - it's yours, mine, and everybody else's. You'll discover why your voice matters in changing these conversations, how to respond to judgmental comments without defending infidelity, and why speaking up about your experiences might educate people in ways you never expected.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/223

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation.

In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity.

I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time.

The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be.

Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.

The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships?

I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics.

Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221

If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match.

One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you.

When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick.

Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision.

Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out.

Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible.

The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that had become a roommate situation and memories of an affair that had awakened something he'd been missing for years.

This week, I'm joined by my client Michael, who courageously shares his journey of wrestling with his infidelity situation. What emerged from our work together transformed not just Michael's romantic life, but his entire approach to decision-making and relationships.

Join us today to discover why being "stuck" is often more damaging than taking action, how to make difficult decisions without having all the answers, the importance of being faithful to yourself, and how Michael created a positive post-divorce relationships.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/219