Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

In a lifetime of bad Bears losses, Sunday at Cleveland might take the cake. You know what happened. One net passing yard. No touchdowns. No in-game adjustments by offensive genius Matt Nagy. JF1's starting debut could not have gone much worse. We talk all about that horrific Sunday and look forward to Chicago's return home to Soldier Field against the even worse Detroit Lions. 

0:00 - 04:48 - This week's intro song is "Into the Dark 2021" courtesy of Coach Cuse, Bill Doinks, Daughter of Bill Doinks and originally Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie.

04:48 - 05:53 - What's on tap tonight?

05:53 - 66:58 - Bears-Browns review, Bears-Lions preview, NFC North Happenings. What was that? Seriously, what was that? And can it be fixed? Are we still crabby after the game? How does Matt Nagy still have a job? Most importantly, who wins the Zero Doinks Cornish Hen Player of the Week? We eventually turn the page to Bears-Lions, a game of which we will be present. A true test of if this team is going to play for its coach or not.

66:58 - 67:45 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

67:45 - 90:38 - Hamm's N Bread. Resident sharp, shark and whale Rick Feelsmen (1-10-1) pops in to give his hot hot picks as he tries to reboot from a rough start to the year. Who does Dan like this week? Plus Everton talk, of course.

90:38 - 96:57 - Bears Fantasy Corner. How did our picks go last week? Which members of the Bears esteemed offense should you have your eye on against Detroit?

96:57 - 101:18 - B1G Minute. A bit of a train wreck going on in the B1G West which we will touch upon. #illini #gophers

101:18 - 113:54 - Let's Wrap the M'F'er Up. Dan has a few more words about cargo shorts. Bill is optimistic about the White Sox as the 2021 MLB postseason kicks off next week. 

113:54 - END - Thank you to Sufjan Stevens for letting us borrow a brief portion of your song about John Wayne Gacy. Plus catch an outtake from 2020's 4/20 episode that Bill Doinks recently found.

There is literally no chance Andy Dalton will ever see the field again after limping off into the ether during the second quarter of Week 2 against Cincinnati. It is a new era, a time for change and a time for hope. It is the era of Justin Fields and the rest of the NFL shall bear witness as the Chicago Bears are about to reward their fans for decades of patience through horrific periods of mediocrity and worse. Let us rejoice. JF1 and the Bears visit Cleveland this upcoming weekend but first we enjoy a walk through the home opener through the eyes of Dan Doinks as he was present for the first regular season game with fans in what feels like years.

0:00 - 05:20 - New exclusive song courtesy of Darren from Ireland, Bill Doinks and the perfect ear of Coach Cuse. Other compliments to NFL Network and whoever wrote the original The Wild Rover.

05:20 - 06:29 - What's on tap tonight?

06:29 - 28:45 - Dan Doinks was at the game, let's allow him to walk through that experience.

28:45 - 80:48 - It's time for the JF1 Era, let us all embrace our new leader. The boys chat about the Bengals game while keeping a sharp eye on the week to come at Cleveland.

80:48 - 81:35 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

81:35 - 104:55 - Hamm's N Bread. What are the hottest picks ever seen on this earth as offered by our own resident sharp, shark and whale Rick Feelsmen. Also, what NFL games catch our eye from a wagering standpoint and what's the latest with Everton?

104:55 - 117:11 - Bears Fantasy Corner. Is Bill 2-0 against Dan with his hot Bears fantasy choices? Who was the Taysom Hill Trash Fantasy Player of the Week presented by Glad? Who is going to light the lamp against the Browns this week?

117:11 - 128:16 - The B1G Minute. What should everyone be keeping their eyes on with Big Ten football, including and especially Gophers and Illini gridiron?

128:16 - 141:09 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. What other brain musings are bouncing around our skulls?

141:09 - END - Special thanks to Coach Cuse, Stylz from TRIB, Daughter of Bill Doinks, Bill Doinks, and of course Lin Manuel-Miranda for the inspiration behind Helpless that closes our episode.

Sunday night football on NBC exposed a few Bears issues to a national audience, wouldn't you say? The defense was poor, the offense was dinky and dunky and the result was a 20 point loss in Los Angeles. We look at all that happened against the Rams while turning our attention to the home opener against 1-0 Cincinnati as Dan Doinks will be attending his first Bears game since we became familiar with what the hell Covid-19 meant. Does this qualify as an Andy Dalton revenge game? Will JF1 get more than five plays? Will the secondary give up any more 50+ yard bombs? Has Matt Nagy learned anything in his three+ years as a head coach in the NFL? Plus tons more, including our resident sharp and whale Rick Feelsmen as well as the boys' can't-miss fantasy advice.

0:00 - 04:13 - New intro tune with compliments to Sufjan Stevens, Coach Cuse and Bill Doinks

04:13 - 05:44 - What's on tap tonight?

05:44 - 53:35 - Bears-Rams review, Bears-Bengals preview, NFL chatter. How are we feeling after Sunday night's 20 point loss? Does Matt Nagy know what he's doing? What happened on defense? Offense? Quarterback play overall? Who wins the Zero Doinks Cornish Hen Week 1 MVP as voted on by the Fans N Eggs? Dan Doinks walks us through Week 2's opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals. Will JF1 get more than five plays this upcoming week? How will the oh-fer NFC North fair in Week 2?

53:35 - 84:12 - Hamm's N Spreads. Rick Feelsmen laments his 1-2 week but he's nothing if not resilient and of sound mind as he shoots for 2-1 this week, at worst. The boys discuss what games catch their eye in Week 2. Everton chatter returns here for the soccer fans among us as they are undefeated and unstoppable. I think this is where we chat about some Ted Lasso, too?

84:12 - 84:49 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

84:49 - 91:25 - Bears Fantasy Corner. Who won between the Doinks with their Week 1 picks? Is John Lithgow actually alive? Who is the Taysom Hill trash player of the week, presented by Glad? Most importantly, which Chicago Bear player can win you your Week 2 fantasy battle?

91:25 - 103:56 - The B1G Minute. Illini still lead the Big Ten West. Gophers bounced back from a Week 1 defeat. Iowa football might be really good this year, eh? Ohio State loses a regular season game for the first time in Ryan Day's coaching career, right?

103:56 - 109:35 - Let's Wrap this M'F Up. What weird thoughts are still bouncing around in Dan and Bill's minds?

109:35 - END - Outro. Special thanks to Mr. Big for the inspiration of "To Be With You," credited to Bill Doinks.

At long last the regular season kicks off as Andy Dalton (gross) and the Bears prepare to open their season on NBC's Sunday Night Football at the Los Angeles Rams. How long will it be until JF1 is allowed to save the franchise? Halftime? God we hope so. What do we make of the matchup and what are our final 2021 predictions? Resident sharp Rick Feelsmen returns for a fresh season of Hamm's N Bread with a little bit of Hamm's N Spreads in the middle. Bears Fantasy Corner returns for a third season as the boys will offer you some creative ways of winning your Week 1 fantasy battles. Tough week for our B1G squads but we'll talk about how they can bounce back in a big way. Illini punter Hugh Robertson hops on for a chat in his exclusive Zero Doinks segment "Hughey's Mayo 'N Eggs." Plus lots more surprises, musical and otherwise.

0:00 - 05:52 - Intro with new Zero Doinks song "Helpless" courtesy of Coach Cuse, Bill Doinks, Daughter of Bill Doinks and special appearance by Stylz from The Real is Back, inspired by Helpless from Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton. 

05:52 - 08:31 - What's on tap tonight?

08:31 - 54:16 - Bears roster talk, JF1 talk, Bears-Rams preview, NFL talk. Lots to get into about how the depth chart looks heading into Bears-Rams. When do we expect JF1 to take over the ship? How do we feel Matt Nagy and Ryan Pace have handled the QB situation to date? How many hits can Andy Dalton withstand behind the offensive line? Dan Doinks walks us through the Week 1 opponent's coaching staff, front office and more as only he can. NFC North Week 1 matchups to keep our eyes out for.

54:16 - 56:58 - Fans 'N Eggs. Predictions for the 2021 season from a handful of your favorite Zero Doinks Fans 'N Eggs.

56:58 - 88:38 - Hamm's N Bread. Resident shark, sharp and whale Rick Feelsmen pops in for his three hot picks during this week's Hamm's N Spreads, the middle of America's favorite sports wagering segment Hamm's N Bread. Which way are the boys leaning this week for Sunday night's debut? Any other games catch our eye?

88:38 - 100:52 - Bears Fantasy Corner. The world's weirdest fantasy segment returns for its third year. Which fantasy Bears do Bill and Dan Doinks recommend scooping up to help you win your Week 1 and/or DFL fantasy battles? How did their auction go a couple of weeks ago? How about the Fans N Eggs draft?

100:52 - 126:44 - The B1G Minute. The Illini still lead the B1G West despite a tough Saturday night loss. Dan's Gophers led Ohio State at halftime but couldn't hang on, while suffering a tough injury to a key offensive weapon.

126:44 - 155:04 - Hughey's Mayo N Eggs. Illini punter Hugh Robertson pops in for another appearance while patiently answering the boys ridiculous questions about Australia. Lots of incredible insights from Hugh's mum here.

155:04 - 155:41 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

155:41 - 170:00 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. An assortment of thoughts, hopes and dreams.

170:00 - END - Ryan Pace mashup courtesy of Chicago Bears dot com and The Room. "Patience" courtesy of Coach Cuse and Bill Doinks with a special appearance by Rick Feelsmen, clearly inspired by Guns 'N Roses.

We could not let another day go by without talking about the Illini's incredible Week 0 victory over Nebraska to kick off the 2021 college football campaign. What was the in-person experience like for Bill Doinks? What new friends did he make along the way? Did our own Hugh Robertson make an appearance? Will Bret Bielema ever lose a game as head coach for Illinois football? Dan Doinks previews the Gophers debut against the Justin Fields-less Ohio State Buckeyes. No Bears talk this week but there will be plenty to get into during our Bears-Rams Week 1 preview episode coming Tuesday, September 7th.

This has been the most eventful preseason of recent memory and we are here to talk about it while not trying to overanalyze one game that so happened to involve our ex-BFF lighting up the Bears defense at will. What is Matt Nagy doing in regards to QB? What is the point of Andy Dalton? Have we completely turned on Nagy again? Are we overreacting? Hard to say. JF1 is starting against the Titans to close out the preseason but is that really a good idea? We'll talk all about it. Plus exclusive sports gambling sharp @rickfeelsmen pops in for his latest hot hot picks during Hamms 'N Bread and the return of Big Ten Minute visits Champaign as the Illini kick off the college football slate against Nebraska. The boys of Zero Doinks visit Ontario, Canada, as Ty from Ontario is on the hot seat as the latest Fan 'N Egg. Plus tons more!

00:00 - 05:14 - Intro featuring Coach Cuse, Bill Doinks, Daughter of Bill Doinks, + clips from FOX and Chicago Bears dot com (thank you Death Cab For Cutie for the Inspiration) as well as a touch of Scatman John.

05:14 - 06:00 - What's on tap tonight?

06:00 - 25:34 - Justin Fields is Gold. What the hell is Matt Nagy doing here? What is the point of Andy Dalton? Just so frustrating, start the best dude and don't turn back.

25:34 - 54:33 - Bears and NFL chatter. Still fired up about Matt Nagy a bit here. We talk about Mitch Trubisky and our cry to Bears fans to attempt to hold two thoughts in their head at the same time.

54:33 - 73:52 - Hamm's 'N Bread. American's favorite sports gambling segment featuring Hamm's 'N Spreads which features the resident shark, sharp and whale Rick Feelsmen. He'll bounce back from a tough 0-3 week*. You know there will be some Everton chatter here as well. (*preseason picks don't count)

73:52 - 74:29 - Where you can find us on the interwebs.

74:29 - 91:26 - Big Ten Minute. College football is back this weekend and the Illini are kicking it off at home against Nebraska. Where will the Illini finish under Bret Bielema's leadership? How about Dan's Gophers? Will Bill Doinks be at the game on Saturday?

91:26 - 116:49 - Fans 'N Eggs. Zero Doinks visits Canada and Bears fan Ty in Ontario. What's the deal with Canadian currency? How does a guy from Canada become a Bears fan? Why are there so many Lions fans in Ty's general vicinity? Plus tons more with a great dude who teaches ZD and its listeners some new turns of phrase.

116:49 - 113:16 - Outro. Wrapping up this bad boy before a slight hiatus until Tuesday, September 7th, prior to the real thing, Bears-Rams.

133:16 - END - Outro music, compliments of Scatman John. What a guy. A bit weird.

Justin Fields made his preseason debut against the Dolphins and both Dan and Bill need to take their pants to the dry cleaner. What were the first impressions? How handsome did he look in navy? Is Coach Matt Nagy bending at all with his initial plan to start Andy Dalton Week 1? What was the Soldier Field experience like for Bill Doinks? The Bears had to sign 86-year old LT Jason Peters thanks to offensive line injury issues. Is that going to be a problem? Anyone else stand out during preseason game one besides JF1? Old flame (out) Mitch Trubisky visits this weekend for preseason game two between Chicago and Buffalo. Has time healed all wounds? Doubtful. Rick Feelsmen (@rickfeelsmen) visits during another rousing Hamm's 'N Bread and his picks were smoking hot. Can his run of genius picks continue? Dan gives an update on official Zero Doinks soccer team Everton. Plus was the Field of Dreams White Sox-Yankees game everything Bill Doinks was hoping for and more? Thank you for listening.

0:00 - 03:35 - Intro segment featuring a reminder of the 2020 Bears victory song "Bear Down Now" courtesy of Coach Cuse, Bill Doinks and our children. Highlights courtesy of Fox and chicagobears dot com.

03:35 - 04:33 - What's on tap during this episode?

04:33 - 25:13 - Justin Fields Is Gold. What were our first impressions of JF1's preseason debut? Is it time to move him up the depth chart? What did he look like in person? 

25:13 - 56:15 - Bears and NFL chatter. How about the rest of the squad - anything stand out during the win over Miami? What was the Soldier Field experience like as a whole? Interesting signing of Jason Peters to shore up the offensive line. Oh yeah, Mitch Trubisky is visiting this weekend. Does that tug at the 'ole heart strings at all and/or make us angry?

56:15 - 79:35 - Hamm's 'N Bread (sports wagering). Rick Feelsmen went 3-0 last week. What are his hot hot picks for this week? Dan Doinks has a lot of insight regarding the official Zero Doinks soccer team Everton.

79:35 - 80:12 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

80:12 - 88:28 - Outro. How did the boys feel about the Field of Dreams game between the White Sox and Yankees?

88:28 - END - variety of sound bites, including Dan Doinks's Season 1 rant about Mitch Trubisky. Last song courtesy of Sufjan Stevens. 

Adam Shaheen and the Dolphins are coming to town for preseason game number one but will the Bears have enough players to field a team? Soldier Field will house fans for the first time since 2019 as Justin Fields gears up to make his professional debut. What should we expect as fans? What's the latest word from camp? Is Justin Fields still the football form of Jesus? The boys will discuss that plus tons more, including smattering of other goings-on around the world of sports. Can the regular season just get here already? Thanks for listening!

0:00 - 01:36 - Intro + what's on tap tonight (intro audio courtesy of ESPN, music courtesy of Coach Cuse)

01:36 - 02:56 - Hello from the boys of Zero Doinks

02:56 - 12:38 - Justin Fields is Gold. What do we expect to see during JF1's preseason debut? How was last week of camp? Any news about Justin's dad Pablo? Did you see that sidearm throw in practice?

12:38 - 38:54 - Bears and NFL chatter. Dan gives some background on this week's preseason opponent, Miami, especially regarding their ownership group. Is Adam Shaheen going to be in the house? How about all those injuries, huh? Is Teven Jenkins dead?

38:54 - 39:31 - How you can follow Zero Doinks on the interwebs

39:31 - 56:59 - Hamm's N Bread. Sports wagering segment featuring the show's resident expert @rickfeelsmen. How many Bears future wagers do the boys have out there in the ether? Should we wet our beak with preseason action?

56:59 - 66:44 - Hamm's N Ted. Some hot baseball talk as the White Sox went into Wrigley Field and swept the Cubs. Is Dan coming around on Tony La Russa? Does Bill think the Sox have what it takes to win it all this October?

66:44 - 84:32 - Outro. How did Dan's deep-sea fishing adventures go? How about all of those moves made by the Bulls?

84:32 - END - Random audio, including a look back at the end of last week's new Zero Doinks exclusive single "Be With You."

Tons to talk about as the 2021 Bears training camp is open, Zero Doinks has another red hot new single and every Chicago sports team has had a newsworthy week. Our own @rickfeelsmen was live on the scene at Halas Hall and provides the listeners with a perspective only he could offer. How are things looking thus far for Justin Fields and the rest of the Bears, plus what type of shrapnel is left-over now that Aaron Rodgers has taken the Packers' franchise as his personal hostage. The MLB trade deadline has come and gone - what does Dan Doinks think about the depletion of his beloved Cubs? Did Bill's White Sox do enough to put itself in the Fall Classic? Tons of your favorite Fans 'N Eggs join Dan and Bill for a reunion of sorts and you won't want to miss what Darren in Dublin brings to the table. Interviews and highlights from The Hot Ten's charity event of the year filled with chicken wings, hot sauce and multiple championships. Plus did you hear? Ayo Donsunmu is a Bull! Lots to hit your ears as Zero Doinks now goes weekly through the end of the NFL season. Thanks for listening!

0:00 - 04:10 - Debut of new Zero Doinks song "To Be With You" courtesy of Bill Doinks (thank you Mr. Big and Justin Fields for the inspiration) + intro

04:10 - 05:19 - What's on tap tonight? 

05:19 - 22:25 - Justin Fields is Gold. Early camp reports on Justin. JF1 met the Chicago media in person for the first time in his life, poor guy. 

22:25 - 57:50 - Bears and NFL Chatter. Should we be concerned about Teven Jenkins's back? Eddie Goldman showed up, sorry Brad Biggs. Tons of weirdness around the league, including Aaron Rodgers and the Packers and Vikings Covid-19 QBs. Surprising amount of clown talk.

57:50 - 92:07 - Fans 'N Eggs. Your favorite guest fans from around the country join Zero Doinks for a reunion.

92:07 - 124:50 - Hamms 'N Eggs. Recap of The Hot Ten experience with aspiring Chicago Bears beat reporter @rickfeelsmen on the grounds, interviewing contestants galore. Plus a glimpse inside the party van.

124:50 - 135:27 - Hamms 'N Bread. Tons of Olympic options to toss some cash on. Exclusive bookmaking sharp @rickfeelsmen gives his hot picks but not in the way you might expect. 

135:27 - 136:14 - Where you can find us on the interwebs

136:04 - 150:59 - Hamms 'N Ted. Cubs are dead. White Sox are not. Crosstown trades galore. Nick Madrigal on the north side.

150:59 - 162:03 - B1G Minute. College football training camps are open throughout the country. Kofi Cockburn is back in Champaign for one more year. Ayo Dosunmu is a Bull.

162:03 - 167:15 - Outro chatter. Hamm's Special Light is dead? Shout-outs galore.

167:15 - END - Outro music and bonus audio. Thank you to Sufjan Stevens for some of the music.

As the 2021 training camp rapidly approaches, how long can we be patient with Justin Fields? What's the latest with Eddie Goldman? But let's not bury the lead as the boys are debuting a new segment with Illini football player and native of Australia, Hugh Robertson. Plus, the charity event of the year is happening in Chicagoland on July 31st and there is no place like Zero Doinks to chat up the founders of The Hot Ten. Tons more, including an exclusive new song. Also Dan is in his garage for this one.

0:00 - 06:03 - Intro featuring a new original cover of Guns N Roses's "Patience," featuring Bill Doinks, Coach Cuse and Rick Feelsmen

06:03 - 07:33 - What's on tap tonight?

07:33 - 19:01 - Justin Fields is Gold. We still can't believe Justin Fields is the Bears quarterback and we will not tolerate slander on Twitter about JF1. Is Fields a White Sox fan? The boys were too dumb to understand an article written about JF1 that debunked the theory of him being a one-read QB. Let's get to the season already. (some intro sound courtesy of Ohio State Football Network, Barstool Sports and Bo Burnham)

19:01 - 37:42 - Chicago Bears chatter. The Tribune's Brad Biggs continues to try and make Bears fans nervous about the possibility of Eddie Goldman retiring. Goldman's recent Chicagoland workouts suggest otherwise. Training camp opens July 29th at Halas Hall - are the boys trying to get tickets to view such things? Dan offers an apology to a suburban friend. A Rob's extension deadline is nearing. Packers fans on Twitter are super soft. (some intro sound courtesy of 670 The Score and whatever station covered the Aaron Rodgers charity golf event)

37:42 - 80:26 - Hughey's Mayo 'N Eggs starring Illini punter Hugh Robertson. The newest Zero Doinks segment dives deep with Hugh Robertson, a Australian native who is a 28-year old redshirt freshman punter at the University of Illinois. Hugh shares his unique journey that led him to Champaign, what he has learned from fellow Aussie and All-American punter Blake Hayes, how the new Bret Bielema coaching staff differs from Lovie Smith's staff and tons more. Would it be smart to fight a kangaroo? Is Foster's an actual Australian beer? Did Hugh really win a slam dunk contest in his native land? Which Australian Rules Football team should the boys of Zero Doinks bandwagon? (some intro sound courtesy of Men at Work and Flight of the Conchords)

80:26 - 97:16 - Hamm's N Eggs with The Hot Ten. The charity event of the year is happening in Rosemont, Illinois, courtesy of The Hot Ten benefitting Baby Spirit Foundation. Are you up to the challenge of eating ten of the hottest chicken wings you've ever seen? Would you rather enjoy a three hour open bar and raffles? There is still time to register for this July 31st event. Sean, Kevin and Andrew from The Hot Ten walk us through what to expect for this amazing event. Maybe we'll all see Dan Doinks wearing a diaper?

97:16 - 97:54 - Where can you find Zero Doinks on the interwebs?

97:54 - 107:06 - Hamm's N Bread with Rick Feelsmen. Resident sharp and shark Rick Feelsmen takes over this segment with "Hamms N Spreads" - wear oven mitts because his picks are so freaking hot. 

107:06 - 111:56 - Hamm's N Ted. The Cubs are done. The White Sox are good but hurt. Tony La Russa is still a weird drunk.

111:56 - 125:55 - Outro thoughts. Dan is a big soccer guy now. The boys of Zero Doinks decide to bandwagon a soccer team, too.

125:55 - END: A little more Rick Feelsmen behind the mic and a touch of the full-length version of "Patience." Also hints of Sufjan Stevens and Bo Burnham.