Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

The Bears offseason rolls on and there are hot rumors left and right. Sweaty Teddy Phillips is making a play for a potential move from Chicago to Arlington Heights - where do the boys of Zero Doinks stand on this topic? Matt Nagy keeps downplaying the glory that is Justin Fields as he tries to protect his rookie QB. Will he actually be on the bench Week 1? Rick Feelsmen reappears from the dead for Hamms N Spreads, the segment within the segment of Hamms N Bread, America's favorite gambling segment. The boys touch on some Chicago baseball during Hamms N Ted. Plus tons more, including two Fans N Eggs getting national and international notoriety. 

0:00 - 03:31 - Intro mashup featuring Phil from Indiana's guest appearance on Sirius XM's "Moving The Chains" show with Jim Miller.

03:31 - 05:07 - What's on tap this episode?

05:07 - 30:47 - Justin Fields Is Gold (segment about all things Justin Fields). The boys prove this is the horniest podcast on the interwebs, with or without association with football or the Bears. JF1 is our king, let us bow our heads and pray. Just put him in, Matt Nagy, why do we even care about Andy Dalton?

30:47 - 65:44 - Bears Chatter. The boys discuss the rumors about the Bears leaving the lakefront and building a stadium in Arlington Heights. Dan Doinks give his grievances about this possibility. Bill doesn't seem to care either way. Dan Pompei wrote an article about it in The Athletic and was skewered by many commenters. Has Aaron Rodgers retired yet? Shout out to AVG Cheese podcast, thanks for having us on as guests earlier this month. 

65:44 - 66:21 - Where can you follow us on the interwebs?

66:21 - 84:40 - Hamm's N Bread (sports gambling segment). Resident Zero Doinks gambling expert Rick Feelsmen is alive and returns for his very special segment within a segment, Hamm's N Spreads, while giving out his hot hot picks. Dan has a few things to say about UEFA and soccer players.

84:40 - 96:04 - Hamm's N Ted (White Sox and Cubs segment). Is Tony La Russa still drunk? Do any White Sox players have hamstrings left? Are the Cubs good enough to make the postseason? Have the boys used Spider Tack on anyone's nether regions?

96:04 - 114:08 - Outro words. How do the boys feel about the Bulls lack of a first round draft pick after falling short with ping pong balls? Will the NBA Finals even be aired this year? How close were the Chicagoland tornadoes to Bill and Dan's homes (please consider donation options here for displaced families)? Is Dan's house still haunted? Shout outs to Phil from Indiana for his amazing appearance on Sirius XM and his promotion of Zero Doinks. Shout out to Darren from Ireland for winning tons of cash via a radio contest in Dublin. Our Fans N Eggs are on fire!

114:08 - END - Outro music plus full clip of Phil from Indiana shouting out Zero Doinks and audio of Darren receiving a phone call that changed his life.

How difficult is it to find a loss on the newly-released 2021 Bears schedule? That's one of many questions Bill and Dan Doinks try to answer in this episode of Zero Doinks which features a new segment called "Justin Fields is Gold" which reminds everyone that the Bears have a real QB1 for once. 18 weeks, 17 games, how many wins? The boys try and figure out where the Bears are destined to land during the 2021 season and try to guess when Fields takes over the squad. America's favorite gambling segment is back with Hamm's N Bread with a little bit of Hamm's N Spreads in the middle courtesy of resident shark, sharp and whale @rickfeelsmen. Plus tons more, including an update regarding a haunting in Dan's newly-purchased home build in the 1800s. Thanks for listening, as always!

This is the quarterback we Bears fans have been waiting for all of our lives. What was life even like before the Bears didn't have a franchise QB? Ryan Pace stuns the NFL world by trading up for JUSTIN FIELDS and changes the trajectory of the franchise. Justin Fields is a Chicago Bear. The boys still can't believe it and cannot wait to talk all about it. Plus, Chicago's draft was graded tops in the league by multiple experts. I never thought I'd type that sentence in my life. We'll chat about all the new members of the Bears, plus how the NFC North rivals stack up, especially given Aaron Rodgers lighting the Packers HQ aflame with his ultimatum. Can't trust that guy. Rick Feelsmen drops in from a new location. Does Dan have any ghost issues in his home after tempting fate? How was Bill's trip to Disney? Plus tons more on this reddest of hot Zero Doinks!

0:00 - 03:11 - sounds from the shocking draft day acquisition of the 11th pick and welcoming QB1 into our hearts (sound courtesy of ESPN, Fox Sports, chicagobears dot com, some karaoke version of Fields of Gold, Walt Disney World's Carousel of Progress)

03:12 - 04:18 - what's on tap tonight

04:19 - 39:53 - JUSTIN FIELDS IS A BEAR. Where were we. What was running through our minds. How was he still available. When will he start. How in love with him are we.

39:54 - 97:03 - The rest of the Bears draft. Pretty sweet OT, right? Bill's non-expert player comps for all draft picks. News from around the NFL, including Aaron Rodgers continuing to be a prickly bitch. What is Bill's comp for Dan?

97:04 - 105:07 - Hamm's N Bread (gambling segment). Resident gambling sharp Rick Feelsmen checks in while on a bike ride to give his very brief gambling advice. Dan paints quite the picture of Rick's personal life.

105:08 - 120:13 - B1G Minute. Did any Illini or Gophers get picked? Hilarious reporting on a Zach Wilson/PJ Fleck recruiting conversation.

120:14 - 122:32 - Hamm's N Ted (baseball segment). Cubs stink. White Sox keep getting injured. Who cares.

122:33 - 123:10 - Where can you follow us on the interwebs?

123:11 - 151:28 - Recapping Bill's trip to Disney. Was a turkey leg consumed? How creepy is the dad on Carousel of Progress? Those jamboree bears sure are randy, huh? How is the ghost situation going in Dan's newly-purchased home?

151:29 - 156:30 - Outro music, including the full-length version of the red hot new Zero Doinks tune, "Drafting Justin Fields is Gold" courtesy or Bill Doinks, music courtesy of karaoke version of Sting's "Fields of Gold"

As a make or break NFL draft approaches for Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy, the boys of Zero Doinks talk about what they'd like to see happen for the Bears during the first round. The Bears are going to angle for a rookie QB at some point, right? Speaking of QBs, Dan and Bill needed to take a breather before talking about Andy Dalton as the likely QB1 for the 2021 Chicago Bears, but it's time to vent about the Red Rocket. Rick Feelsmen pops in for another rousing Hamm's and Spreads. The Cubs and White Sox are off to uninspiring starts for Chicago baseball fans. Dave Madness review. A huge Gray Balls announcement. Dan has a new home with some uninvited guests. Bill is about to get weird in Florida. Plus much more on a red hot Zero Doinks!

0:00 - 2:13 - Intro with a musical tease in your ear

2:13 - 4:09 - What's on tap this episode?

4:09 - 30:07 - What has happened with the Bears since last ep? Andy Dalton, really? Dan Pompei gets super weird about Dalton. Cutting Kyle Fuller. C Patt gone. Miller and Graham next? Who have we signed? 17th game in the NFL. Schedule tease. New numbers allowed for players. So much Sweaty Teddy.

30:07 - 51:02 - Who will the Bears take in the first round? Trade up for a QB? Justin Fields has epilepsy? Our predictions.

51:02 - 76:20 - Hamm's N Bread (gambling segment). Rick Feelsmen pops in for his segment within a segment, Hamm's N Spreads. NFL futures talk. Soccer talk for some reason.

76:20 - 93:41 - B1G Minute. Illini hoops post-mortem. Losing at least one assistant? Kofi gone or no? Champaign is a football town now with Bret Bielema. Anything going on with the Gophers? How was Dave Madness on NCAA tourney day number one?

93:41 - 94:18 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

94:18 - 107:19 - Hamm's N Ted (baseball talk). Will the White Sox be okay? Is Tony La Russa still drunk? Any hope for the Cubs?

107:19 - 134:34 - Covering a lot of ground in the outro with a huge Gray Balls announcement. Dan has a new home with some potentially unwelcome and randy guests. Bill is going to Cinderella's castle. 

134:34 - END - The debut of a timely draft song.   

It has been awhile but the boys are back and there is a lot to talk about. Does Ryan Pace have the noots to acquire a future Hall of Fame QB? Would either the Seahawks or Texans be dumb enough to go through with a trade? What is next for Allen Robinson now that the franchise tag has been applied? Just so many Bears questions, not the least of which is what is wrong with The Athletic's Dan Pompei?

Oh and guys, did you notice Bill's Illini hoops squad? A #1 seed, B1G tourney champs and a legit contender for their first national championship. The boys dive deep into March Madness gambling angles. You know Rick Feelsmen can't stay away with his hot hot picks. Plus a special guest stops by to discuss an explosive tournament tradition unlike any other. 

After a wild Week 17, the Bears slide into the newly-invented #7 seed and enter the playoffs for the second time in three years. New Orleans is waiting and we talk all about the Wild Card matchup that's ready for our eyeballs this upcoming Sunday afternoon. Naturally we need to talk about another loss to the Packers but hey, does it really count? I don't know. We'll visit gambling angles, discuss other Wild Card matchups plus tons more on this first-ever Zero Doinks Bears playoffs edition!

With one game left, the Bears are one victory away from qualifying for the playoffs in a most unpredictable season. Naturally, Aaron Rodgers and the Packers could be standing in the way of an improbable Bears run. We discuss what got the Bears in this position and what our dreams and fears are this upcoming Sunday. We explore gambling angles with Rick Feelsmen as well as finish up a weird fantasy football season with an extra weird Bears Fantasy Corner. B1G hoops are on fire, including the Gophers entering the Top 25. Plus much more!

Incredibly, the Bears are improving and are in the thick of the playoff hunt with two games left in the 2020 season. We discuss what we liked about the win at Minnesota and preview a big game at Jacksonville this weekend. What are the scenarios the Beloved are looking at with two weeks left? Gambling and fantasy football angles will be explored as will the Illini's hiring of Bret Bielema in their quest to overtake PJ Fleck and the mighty Gophers. Plus tons more! Merry Christmas!