Donald Trump plans to end the transgender lunacy in our schools by banning all sex change operations at recess while Rudy Guiliani is selling his own brand of coffee that’s good to the last drip (as in hair dye dripping down his face).

President-elect Donald Trump says he’s tired of paying exorbitant fees to Panama for use of their canal and plans to take it back (if he can find the receipt). He also expressed his desire to buy Greenland and remove the woke word “green” from its name.

President-elect Donald Trump is hoping for a government shutdown to take the heat off his horrifying cabinet picks while Fulton Country DA Fani Willis is taken off the Georgia election interference case against Trump for generating heat with the lead prosecutor.

Donald Trump is suing The Des Moines Register for a poll showing him losing to Kamala Harris in Iowa and for removing the Peanuts comic strip while the GOP wants to prosecute Liz Cheney and the J6 Committee for investigating Trump who sent a violent mob to the Capitol so he wouldn’t have to leave office and hang out with Melania.

Polio survivor Senator Mitch McConnell went after potential Health and Human Services head honcho Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., for wanting to ditch the polio vaccine (but McConnell will most likely vote to confirm him because he’ll be dead soon anyway) while ABC News settled a $15 million defamation lawsuit with Trump for calling him an accused rapist versus an accused sexual abuser (a classic case of splitting pubic hairs).

After being named Person of the Year by Time Magazine (though some thought it was Mad Magazine) Donald Trump was invited to ring the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange where he dressed up like Robin Hood and bragged about stealing from the poor and giving to the rich.

Donald Trump reveals his plan to replace Obamacare with unlimited vouchers for CVS as well as his plan to end the war in Ukraine by introducing Presidents Putin and Zelensky to Howie Mandel who will ask them “Deal or No Deal?”

Donald Trump is intent on pardoning the January 6 rioters whom he claimed were put through a “very nasty system,” aka a trial with attorneys, a jury, and a judge. In addition, he wants to jail the members of the January 6 Committee who treated him “very unfairly” by having Republican members of his administration testify against him. 

Former Missouri Congressman Billy Long—whose claim to fame is being named best auctioneer in the Ozarks seven years in a row—is nominated for IRS Commissioner while Donald Trump is awarded FOX Nations’ Patriot of the Year, beating out Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, and the Capitol rioters.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau schooled Donald Trump on tariffs over a dinner at Mar-a-Lago and then Trump stuck him with the check while Susan Collins believes Pete Hegseth must have a full vetting process before he’s given the keys to the defense department and drives it off a cliff.