1 Minute Political Update

JD Vance said housing is too expensive because 30 million illegal immigrants took homes that should go to Americans and drove up prices—Question: if immigrants had that much money, why’d they come here?—while Donald Trump gave the House GOP the go-ahead to release the Epstein files. (And by that he means, into the Potomac.)

The government reopened Thursday with Republicans seeking an alternative to Obamacare—most likely a bucket of leeches—while Donald Trump met with Lauren Boebert to get her to withdraw her support for releasing the Epstein files. (Apparently, his promise of her having the first dance in the new ballroom didn’t work.)

The House votes today on funding the government but without extending Obamacare subsidies to lower healthcare costs—thankfully, tax cuts for billionaires are intact!—while Donald Trump touts the H-1B visa to bring in talented foreign workers to fill jobs Americans aren’t equipped for. (Too bad the H-1B visa doesn’t apply to presidents.)

Donald Trump pardoned Rudy Giuliani and more than 70 others who were involved in attempting to overturn the 2020 election (no surprise there) while eight Democrats joined with Republicans on a vote to end the government shutdown but without an extension of Obamacare subsidies (no surprise there, either).

After a federal judge ordered them to fully fund SNAP instead of partially funding it, the Trump administration appealed the decision (why feed poor people if you don’t have to?) while Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced that Trump is running the country like his ran his business—into the ground.

Donald Trump claimed the reasons Republicans lost big in yesterday’s elections were the shutdown and Biden’s border crisis while the Supreme Court will decide whether Trump has the power to implement tariffs or it’s the job of Congress as the Constitution spells out. (They’ll pull a Mike Johnson and say they didn’t know there was a Congress.)

Donald Trump appeared on “60 Minutes” where host Norah O’Donnell asked many pointed questions that he answered with refreshing honesty—in your dreams—while a federal judge ordered the Trump administration to fund SNAP food benefits because they certainly wouldn’t ever want to help people in need on their own.

Donald Trump wants the GOP to lose the filibuster so they can vote to reopen the government—he’s running out of money to bribe world leaders to like him—while the USDA claims there’s no extra funds to make SNAP payments due to other spending, such as $200 million for Kristi Noem’s luxury planes with hot and cold running Botox.

Texas AG Ken Paxton sued Tylenol for violating consumer protection laws by not warning buyers it causes autism (Spoiler Alert: It doesn’t) while Donald Trump fired six members of the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts because they won’t approve the plans for his $300 million ballroom. (Odds are he’ll bring in The Real Housewives of New Jersey.)

Donald Trump told reporters he had an MRI at Walter Reed Hospital and the results were perfect—clearly, they graded on a curve—while he said he might run for a third term, claiming that even though the Constitution forbids it the Supreme Court will make an exception (as long as they can attend events in the new White House ballroom).