House Speaker Mike Johnson is touting Elon Musk who has saved Americans billions of dollars in wasteful spending (and endangered air traffic and food safety) while Donald Trump blames Ukraine for allowing Russia to invade it when they could have easily welcomed their neighbors in for a bowl of borscht and land that doesn’t belong to them.

JD Vance praises neo-Nazis in a speech in Munich, Germany (that did not go well) while Donald Trump asks Supreme Court to let him do anything he wants to anyone in the Executive Branch at any time for any reason whatsoever (that will not go well—for democracy.)

Donald Trump wants to close the Department of Education because it’s expensive and produces a nation of dunces (i.e., his base) while Attorney General Pam Bondi has dropped the corruption charges against NYC Mayor Eric Adams so he can be free to go after the real criminals (i.e., hard-working, tax-paying immigrants).

Donald Trump bans paper straws from the federal government to own the libs (lips?) while Steve Bannon pleads guilty to bilking New Yorkers who donated to Trump’s “We Build the Wall” campaign, using the proceeds to pay the charity’s president hundreds of thousands of dollars and buy himself a closet full of ratty jackets. 

Candidates for national security roles are being asked loyalty questions—answer “yes,” you’re in, answer “no,” you’re locked in a room with RFK, Jr. for 8 hours—while Donald Trump has taken over as Kennedy Center Chairman to bring in a “Golden Age of Art.” (Expect to see high class shows like Russian bears riding unicycles).

Elon Musk’s DOGE runs into a DOJ roadblock that will temporarily stop them from turning the federal government into “Nightmare on Elm Street” while Pam Bondi has been empowered to go after perpetrators of anti-Christian violence (unless, of course, it’s committed by recently released January 6 rioters).

President Trump has threatened to slap a 25% tariff on Canadian goods as well as change the Canadian national anthem to the Village People’s “YMCA” while Democrats decry defunding USAID, claiming worldwide disease would spread faster than Elon Musk’s lies on X.

President Trump says common sense tells him that diversity hiring at the FAA is the reason for the plane crash over the Potomac River while common vindictiveness is behind his plan to fire several FBI officials.

More than a dozen federal prosecutors who worked on the criminal cases against Donald Trump were fired for having the audacity to follow the law while the new White House press secretary impresses with her capacity for lying through her teeth.

President Trump fired 12 Inspectors General who identify fraud, waste and abuse in government agencies because fraud, waste and abuse is what he ran his campaign on. Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth killed diversity, equity, and inclusion in the military, earning him the coveted White House title of Employee of the Weak.