1 Minute Political Update

Donald Trump met with reporters to address rumors circulating on social media that he had died (after he spoke for an hour, the jury was still out) while current and former HHS employees demand RFK, Jr. resign as secretary for endangering the health of all Americans (and if he won’t resign, they plan to attack him with a barrage of vaccines).

The FDA approved the latest round of Covid vaccines, but only for people at high risk of severe illness (and pardoned January 6 insurrectionists) while Donald Trump called on pharmaceutical companies to justify the success of their Covid drugs (and, if they are successful, to give him full credit for it).

Donald Trump fired Centers for Disease Control Director Susan Monarez for not following his agenda for Making America Healthy Again (“Paging Dr. Kevorkian!”) while he hired an election denier to oversee election integrity (“Paging George Orwell!”)

Donald Trump signed an executive order making the act of burning an American flag punishable by one year in prison (or one year caddying for him at Mar-a-Lago) while the guy who threw a Subway sandwich at a federal agent during a protest in Washington, D.C. was not indicted (though he is liable for the agent’s dry-cleaning costs). 

Texas passed a new congressional map that will add five seats to the U.S. House—and subtract democracy from millions—while Stephen Miller railed against “stupid white hippies” protesting the federal crackdown on crime in D.C., saying he wasn’t going to let “communists” destroy the city. (Clearly, he’s doing a fine job of that himself.)

Donald Trump wants to sign an executive order that will ban mail-in voting because gerrymandering is not enough to help the GOP win in 2026, and he wants museums like the Smithsonian to stop portraying U.S. history as negative (e.g., change “slavery was bad” to “slavery was job training”).

Donald Trump meets with President Zelensky to discuss ending the Ukraine war—“Do what Putin says, or Ukraine will be swimming with the fishes”—while he’s in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act, a federal law that restricts the use of U.S. Armed Forces for domestic law enforcement (and compensating for a tiny you-know-what).

Donald Trump’s nominee for Bureau of Labor Statistics chief, E.J. Antoni, is uniquely unqualified according to many conservatives and most fifth graders while Melania Trump may sue Hunter Biden for alleging Jeffrey Epstein introduced her to Donald, which her lawyers claim has caused her reputational harm. (Oh, please.)

Donald Trump sent the National Guard to Washington, DC for what he termed a “crime emergency” (even though crime is down) then announced he wants an Ultimate Fighting Championship cage match at the White House to celebrate America’s 250th birthday. (Now that’s a crime emergency!).

This is Joey Toledo with a one-minute Political Update brought to you by Ed’s Firehose Shower Heads. Water pressure low? See Ed. His shower heads blow the other guys away. Donald Trump bragged that his tariffs brought in over $29 billion last month to the U.S. Treasury. But where exactly is that money going? Apparently, most of it has been used to turn the Oval Office into the set for Goldfinger 2. Meanwhile, Trump will be meeting with Russian President Putin on Friday to discuss the war in Ukraine. Trump said, “I’ll know within two minutes whether a deal can be made because that’s what I do—I make deals.” Sorry, Donald. Monty Hall made deals. You make antacid sales skyrocket. That’s today’s Political Update. Don’t forget to give a thumbs up, share, follow, and especially subscribe. You get insights. I get an ego boost. I’m Joey Toledo.