When outside situations or people become a source of distraction to one of the partners in a relationship, or poses a threat to the connection of the two partners, we often refer to this as an ‘unmanaged third.’ When left unattended, it can be a major catalyst for causing rupture and disconnection. In our conversation, we illustrate some examples of unmanaged thirds in our dynamic and how we deal with them together as a team so that we can build more security in our partnership.

With unmanaged thirds, it’s all about coming back into sovereignty, rather than letting something else negatively and unconsciously influence our “We.” Managing the third together requires a high level of self-awareness and the willingness to take responsibility for our participation and blind spots. 

In this episode, we share our process for working through external threats like cellphones, flirty texts, and passion projects. We also discuss the fear of an unmanaged third and what we did in a recent situation when that came up at an event. 

This week’s challenge is to take a look at one of your relationships and note where you feel some disconnection or where you already know there's an unmanaged third. See if you can identify it, and if so, consider taking a step towards actually talking about it with the other person. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Common examples of unmanaged thirds 
• Why addressing unmanaged thirds is essential for healthy “We’s”
• Examples in our own relationship of where we struggle
• Coming up with plans to deal with external distractions
• Developing more security in relationship 
• Communicating discomfort and prioritizing connection

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

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