Referrals don’t happen by accident. With these strategies you can get referrals without even asking. Jay Berkowitz and Stacey Brown Randall, author of Generating Business Referrals Without Asking: A Simple Five-Step Plan to a Referral Explosion, breaks down the science and systems behind creating consistent, high-quality referrals without uncomfortable asks or gimmicky tactics. Drawing from years of research and coaching, Stacey and Jay explore the 10 Golden Rules of Getting Referrals Without Asking, showing how lawyers can build relationships that naturally lead to more business—all while honoring the trust of those who refer.

Key Topics

05:05 – Golden Rule #1: Define Referrals Correctly

A referral isn’t a testimonial, a repeat client, or word-of-mouth. It must include:• A personal connection (the referrer connects the prospect directly to you), and• An identified need (the prospect knows they need help and is open to working with you).Stacey emphasized the importance of recognizing that if someone gives out your name without a connection or context, it’s not a referral—it’s just buzz. Jay added that in personal injury law, real referrals often start with something as simple as “My friend Karen said you helped her after her accident, and I need the same help.” Without both elements, you’re not in control of the opportunity—and may never hear from them.

10:41 – Golden Rule #2: Know Where They Fit

Referrals aren’t marketing or prospecting—they’re a third leg. Most businesses view sales as a two-legged stool:• Prospecting (e.g., networking, cold calls, BNI), and• Marketing (ads, content, websites).Referrals deserve their own strategy. Stacey warns that pushing referrals into one of the other two categories leads to “ask, pay, or annoy” tactics that damage relationships. Jay shared how, once he separated his referral plan from his general marketing, he was able to focus on key sources like coaches, software vendors, and consultants with attorney networks—treating them differently than prospects.

13:39 – Golden Rule #3: Make Referral Tracking A Priority

If you don’t track, you can’t improve. Stacey recommends five columns to track referrals:• Date, Prospect Name, Source, Outcome, and Revenue.Tracking lets you identify patterns—who’s referring most, which types of referrals convert, and what’s working. Jay noted that by reviewing his spreadsheet quarterly, he saw one client who referred five firms—each worth thousands monthly. That insight led to doubling down on personalized outreach for that contact and seeking more like them.

17:01 – Golden Rule #4: Know the Players

There are three referral players: the source, the prospect, and you (the solution provider). And they matter—in that order.Stacey emphasizes that you’re not the hero—the referral source is. They’re helping someone they care about solve a problem, and you’re just the solution. Jay echoed this with his strategy of focusing on relationships with key introducers—like software companies who serve hundreds of attorneys. These aren’t cold prospects; they’re high-trust connectors who deserve thoughtful attention.

22:58 – Golden Rule #5: The Happiness Trifecta

When someone gives a referral, their brain gets a feel-good reward. Referring makes them feel helpful, generous, and important—it’s not about you.This insight changes your strategy. Stacey says every referral deserves a thank-you note, not because it “earns” the next one, but because it validates the referrer’s action. Jay shared that he now treats every referral like a VIP event, sending handwritten notes or thoughtful gifts (not swag!)—reinforcing the dopamine feedback loop that makes people want to do it again.

24:40 – Golden Rule #6: The Psychology of Trust

Referrals are based on liking and trusting—but not blind trust in your skillset. They trust you enough to solve a problem and make them look good.It’s not about reciting your resume. Stacey teaches that trust comes from maintaining a real relationship. Jay applies this by regularly checking in with his top connectors—not to pitch, but to help them, promote their projects, and stay in their world. Building a consistent presence—not just once-a-year coffee meetings—is what builds trust over time.

27:02 – Golden Rule #7: Behavioral Economics

You can’t force a referral—but you can control desire through thoughtful, varied interactions.Stacey warns against gimmicks or monotony (like monthly emails or repetitive coffee invites). Instead, apply variety and relevance. Jay began rotating gestures—local restaurant gift cards, helpful intros, book recommendations—customized to each contact. That variety, Stacey says, keeps your presence fresh and boosts the desire to refer you when the opportunity arises.

34:27 – Golden Rule #8: The Referral Ecosystem

Referrals don’t live in one place—they’re an ecosystem across your business.Referrals can come from:• People (clients, COIs, influencers),• Your client experience (how referable are you?),• Buyer’s journey moments (when they’re deciding to work with you), and• Networking, events, and social.Jay uses this ecosystem lens to look for “hidden referral opportunities” like flipping introductions into referrals (using Stacey’s Flip Scripts), and embedding referral seeds in webinars, email sequences, and post-sale thank-yous.

37:15 – Golden Rule #9: Identify Existing Sources of Magic

Your best referral sources are gold—mine the list.Stacey recommends reviewing 3–4 years of client and prospect data, listing where each came from, then sorting by referral source. That gives you your “List of Gold.” Jay admitted he hadn’t done this in years and was surprised to find trade shows were still his top source—but he hadn’t been actively cultivating them for referrals. Reengaging these hidden MVPs can unlock exponential growth.

39:48 – Golden Rule #10: The Plan

Create a “touchpoint plan” for your referral sources—5–7 meaningful interactions per year.These aren’t promo blasts. They’re intentional, personal, and about the referrer. Stacey calls it “mass personalization”—thoughtful gestures like cards, articles, books, or support. Jay now builds quarterly touchpoints for key contacts, often just checking in with a note or small gift. He avoids promo swag (per Stacey’s “no logos” rule), and focuses on the message: You’re appreciated. I’m here. Let’s keep helping each other.

43:46 - Conclusion: Referrals Without Even Asking Isn’t Magic. It’s a System.Follow these ten rules, and you’ll build a referral strategy that’s authentic, consistent, and effective. Track it. Thank your people. Show up differently. And remember—it’s about them, not you.

Co-authored by Jay Berkowitz (Ten Golden Rules) and Stacey Brown Randall (Roadmap to Referrals).

Resources Mentioned

Books

Generating Business Referrals Without Asking by Stacey Brown Randall - https://a.co/d/2bo01wt 

Podcasts

Roadmap to Referrals - Stacey Brown Randall - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/roadmap-to-referrals/id1405302350 

About our Guest:

A proud Southern native and lifelong Red Sox fan, Stacey Brown Randall now calls Charlotte, NC home with her husband, their two biological children, and a nephew they’ve welcomed into their family. With a background in broadcast journalism and a family full of entrepreneurial spirit—especially in the restaurant industry—her journey into business ownership was a natural one, shaped in part by her own experiences, including navigating business failure. Passionate about helping service-based business owners who genuinely care about their clients, she specializes in teaching them how to effectively generate referrals by knowing what to do, how to do it, and what to say.

Website: https://staceybrownrandall.com/   

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceybrandall/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceybrownrandall/ 

About Jay Berkowitz:

Jay Berkowitz is a digital marketing strategist with decades of experience in the industry. As the CEO of Ten Golden Rules, he has helped countless law firms and businesses harness the power of the internet to achieve remarkable growth and visibility. Jay is also a renowned keynote speaker and author, sharing his expertise at various industry events and publications worldwide.

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