The Art of We

20. Navigating (Cupid-Killing) Complaining


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In this episode, we take a look at the (unsexy) impact of complaining inside primary relationships and we share our agreement around holding and handling complaints in our marriage. 

When it comes to personal development and deepening relationships, there often comes a point when we’re faced with the reality of how complaining hinders our growth and possibilities. When there’s a lingering sense of negativity, it can limit the opportunities for connection, mutual empowerment, collaboration and feeling of joy being together.

There’s nothing wrong with the cathartic venting, but we like to take it a step further. When both partners view complaining as an opportunity to grow, it’s a game changer. Allowing space for venting is easy with the understanding that we're going to also get to a place of owning our part and exploring solutions together. Under every complaint we can find a request and a path forward that feels empowering. In our conversation, we dive into examples of what this agreement looks like in our marriage and professional relationships. 

Our invitation this week is to use this episode as a jumping off point and open up the conversation with someone in your life who you feel could use a new perspective on complaining. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

  • The root causes of complaining 
  • Actively choosing to limit complaints and get curious about why you’re doing it 
  • The different impacts of being positional versus venting 
  • The hidden value of complaining
  • Advice for anybody who’s dealing with a habitually negative or disempowered person in their life 

Resources Mentioned

  • The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter


Get in Touch: 


  • The Art Of We Website
  • The Art of We Instagram 
  • Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

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The Art of WeBy Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

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