The Art of We

21. 5 Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble


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In this episode, we unpack five signs that your relationship might be in trouble or indicate roadblocks to creating the type of partnership that’s a powerful and positive force to be reckoned with. In our combined 40 years of being in relationship, we share why these five are at the top of the list and are crucial to address for a long-term fulfilling and extraordinary “We.”

It’s easy to create a partnership based on cultural or familial messages of what it looks like to be in relationship: “if my partner really loves me then I don’t need to change,” “choose your battles and don’t bother with the rest,” or “don’t address the small things - just be grateful for what you have.”

However, it takes real work and courage to create a partnership based on the authentic values and explicit desires of each partner in the relationship. In our experience, the work is well worth the reward of what becomes possible for the individuals and the couple as a result.

In our conversation, we share personal examples where we get stuck, how our relationship is a continual learning path for us, and we offer encouragement and suggestions for anyone who experiences the signs we mention in this episode. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

  • Why we believe that we can do more together than we can alone 
  • Understanding the deeper impact of your actions and committing to changing those patterns 
  • Actively choosing to view challenges as opportunities for growth 
  • The spectrum of shared and individual responsibility 
  • How to tell if there’s fear-based interdependence in your relationship 
  • Working through the fears that might prevent you from fully supporting your partner’s success 


Resources Mentioned: 

  • The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter
  • Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch 
  • Our episode on unmanaged thirds 14. Handling External Distractions + Shiny Objects   


Get in Touch: 

  • The Art Of We Website
  • The Art of We Instagram 
  • Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training


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The Art of WeBy Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

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