The Art of We

34. Attachment Styles: A Path To Wholeness In Relationship - Part 1 (Island)


Listen Later

The most effective way to make it easier to get the love that you want and give your partner the love that they need is to understand each other's attachment style. Stan Tatkin has a helpful framework for recognizing when childhood imprinting comes up, and in this episode, we’re unpacking the layers of what he calls the “Island” attachment style, otherwise known as avoidant insecure attachment. 

The defense strategies we use as adults are often the result of the experiences we had with our caretakers as infants. How we regulate the nervous system in the face of perceived challenges directly links back to how we were soothed (or not) during the formative years of our lives. But, that’s not to say there’s no hope for breaking patterns of attachment. In fact, consciously working with these patterns inside relationships creates great opportunities for transformation. The first step is to become conscious of this mechanism, so you’re already on the right path. 

We take a look at different statements and scenarios that an Island type of person might relate to. We also work through why it’s important to shift into a more secure, or in Tatkin’s language, “Anchor,” style. Plus, we use ourselves as examples and discuss what parts of the Island attachment style we relate to.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

  • Why it’s helpful to have a greater understanding of attachment styles
  • The four different attachment categories that apply to most people
  • How misinterpreting attachment styles can lead to relational ruptures 
  • The major blind spots of Island-dominant people 
  • Reflecting on where your defense strategy is running your life 

Resources Mentioned: 

  • The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter
  • Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin 

Get in Touch: 

  • The Art Of We Website
  • The Art of We Instagram 
  • Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training


Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

The Art of WeBy Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5

5

29 ratings


More shows like The Art of We

View all
Tara Brach by Tara Brach

Tara Brach

10,442 Listeners

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge by Tami Simon

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge

1,842 Listeners

Freakonomics Radio by Freakonomics Radio + Stitcher

Freakonomics Radio

32,291 Listeners

The Joe Rogan Experience by Joe Rogan

The Joe Rogan Experience

226,206 Listeners

The Tim Ferriss Show by Tim Ferriss: Bestselling Author, Human Guinea Pig

The Tim Ferriss Show

16,101 Listeners

The Psychology Podcast by iHeartPodcasts

The Psychology Podcast

1,831 Listeners

Relationship Coaching School Podcast by Jayson Gaddis

Relationship Coaching School Podcast

960 Listeners

EmPowered Couples with The Freemans by Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman

EmPowered Couples with The Freemans

585 Listeners

The Daily by The New York Times

The Daily

111,917 Listeners

The Thais Gibson Podcast by Thais Gibson

The Thais Gibson Podcast

271 Listeners

IFS Talks by Aníbal Henriques, Tisha Shull & Alexia Rothman

IFS Talks

194 Listeners

SmartLess by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett

SmartLess

58,143 Listeners

The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart by Comedy Central

The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart

10,613 Listeners

The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

The Mel Robbins Podcast

20,562 Listeners

Everything Belongs: Living the Teachings of Richard Rohr Forward by Center for Action and Contemplation

Everything Belongs: Living the Teachings of Richard Rohr Forward

598 Listeners