The most effective way to make it easier to get the love that you want and give your partner the love that they need is to understand each other's attachment style. Stan Tatkin has a helpful framework for recognizing when childhood imprinting comes up, and in this episode, we’re unpacking the layers of what he calls the “Island” attachment style, otherwise known as avoidant insecure attachment. 

The defense strategies we use as adults are often the result of the experiences we had with our caretakers as infants. How we regulate the nervous system in the face of perceived challenges directly links back to how we were soothed (or not) during the formative years of our lives. But, that’s not to say there’s no hope for breaking patterns of attachment. In fact, consciously working with these patterns inside relationships creates great opportunities for transformation. The first step is to become conscious of this mechanism, so you’re already on the right path. 

We take a look at different statements and scenarios that an Island type of person might relate to. We also work through why it’s important to shift into a more secure, or in Tatkin’s language, “Anchor,” style. Plus, we use ourselves as examples and discuss what parts of the Island attachment style we relate to.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Why it’s helpful to have a greater understanding of attachment styles
• The four different attachment categories that apply to most people
• How misinterpreting attachment styles can lead to relational ruptures 
• The major blind spots of Island-dominant people 
• Reflecting on where your defense strategy is running your life 

Resources Mentioned: 

• The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter
• Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

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