It’s often said that relationships are like mirrors that magnify what’s happening beneath the surface, and recognizing attachment styles is one of the greatest ways to use that mirror. In this episode, we look at ambivalent attachment, or as psychologist Stan Tatkin refers to it, the “Wave” attachment style. 

The typical core injuries of “Wavy” people include receiving reward from a caregiver for being dependent or experiencing inconsistent levels of soothing. These patterns can lead to hyper-vigilance about the security of a relationship and often result in a willingness to do anything for it, even at the expense of one's needs or desires. 

“Wavy” folks tend to place responsibility on their partner for feeling sufficiently loved rather than co-creating a secure relationship. This is where the “what are we up to as a couple” question comes in handy to collaborate on building a safe, fulfilling relationship. In our conversation, we summarize how Stan Tatkin suggests couples move towards a “two can do better than one” perspective. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Key characteristics of people with “Wavy” tendencies 
• The impact on a relationship when a partner operates from a “Wavy” attachment style 
• Recognizing when you ask questions with a defensive agenda 
• Staying connected with yourself, even as life gets more complicated
• The trajectory of shifting out of “Wavy” patterns and adopting an “Anchor” attachment style

Resources Mentioned: 

• The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter
• Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin  
• Episode 34. Attachment Styles: A Path To Wholeness In Relationship - Part 1 (Island)

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

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