The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain the listeners' April entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, with the Clichés faithful nominating their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are being the self-appointed "shouter" at 5-a-side, the quaint radio practice of commentators telling you which team is playing "from right to left", the intricate game within a game of winning a corner off a defender's shins, the out-of-possession whistling of Continental home crowds and a comprehensive cataloguing of every possible naming convention for second-tier leagues in world football.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoys "the most Neil Warnock thing ever heard in a Hollywood action film".