9 Chickweed Rage

In the days leading up to the wedding of Amos and Edda, Edda tries to seduce her (mostly) gay roommate Seth. He rebuffs her, or does he? She's engaged to Amos, but she (at the very least) dry humps his knee. He says no. But then (apparently?) he changes his mind and has sex with her anyway. Later, that same night? Later, like, the next day? It's impossible to decipher. But later she has sex with Amos and declares to him that she has always loved him. Both she and Seth lie about what happened. Amos seems to know what really happened but shoves it down deep inside so he can carry on living inside The Greatest Love Affair The World Has Ever Seen. As a result of whatever Edda did with Seth, she wants to elope. But they're stopped by Juliette and Seth who both want there to be a regular wedding, for very different reasons. Juliette wants a wedding she can attend, Seth wants Edda to wear the wedding dress he made her. The reasons he made the dress were to make Amos so amazed by her beauty that he would feel inferior and run to Seth for comfort, so Seth could then fuck Amos. Guys, this is actually what he says out loud in the strip. They get married. Their dog sniffs Eddas ass. And The Greatest Love Affair The World Has Ever Seen continues!

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Amos and Edda are in a body of water, so that of course means that it is unclear: a) what kind of body of water it is, b) how deep the water is, and c) if there are any other people around. Amos threatens (promises?) to drown himself waiting for Edda to swim by again. I mean, they're married or at least dating at this point, so I'm not sure why he's being so stealthy about looking at her. Later, he sees legs under the water and decides to swim through them BEFORE BEING CERTAIN THEY BELONG TO EDDA. It ends up being Edda, who traps him between her thighs (metaphor!), and then he basically stays there, with his head pressed against her vagina. Mostly, it's the top of his head, which is confusing but also a bit of a relief. There's a moment where it totally seems like Ol' Mac-El-Dee wanted to imply that Amos was going downtown while in the pool, but the way it's drawn would rule that out. Physical impossibility rears its head in a strip where it appears Edda has removed Amos's head from his body. In the end, they either fuck, drown, or fart jointly under the water. Because ROMANCE! In a bonus strip, Edda dance/romances a dead-eyed Amos (is there any other kind?) and ends up kissing him while standing with her feet on his shoulders. Yeah. Try to imagine what that looks like. And good luck!

You can find all of the strips on Instagram by clicking here. We've abandoned our Twitter presence, but you can now find us on Bluesky by clicking here.

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First of all, we recorded on Brooke Dillman's actual birthday. That was fun. To celebrate, we welcomed our first-ever guest Adam Grosswirth to the podcast. He tipped us off to the disgusting storyline about Polly & Lolly wanting to fuck the same guy...and both basically being okay with the fact that they might just do that. It's a truly upsetting journey, that we only cover the tiniest fraction of. Oh man, the Mac-El-Dee sure loves writing about this tired masturbatory fantasy. They're both in love with a guy named Alistair, who appears to be in his mid-30s. But SURPRISE! He's 16. Look at a picture. You won't believe it either. He's as sixteen as any of the cast members of Beverly Hills 90210 were. Even less so. Anyway, Alistair's courtship of the twins begins with him asking both of them out on one date, because he doesn't want to choose. Also, they're obviously not individual human beings but identical fantasy fucktoys! Seems impossible that someone would ever accuse Mac-El-Dee of being a feminist.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here or on Instagram by clicking here.

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Special Guest: Adam Grosswirth.

We do our best to figure out where this stupid comic strip all allegedly takes place, but we get distracted. I mean, it's sort of what we do, right? Along the way, Juliette climbs over a couch that looks like a hot dog bun, Uncle Ethel becomes Auntie Ethel for no obvious reason, Edda does gymnastics in a subway, Edda and Amos fuck on a busy city street. Guys, the wheels really come off the wagon this episode. In short, we don't really get to the bottom of where this dumb strip actually takes place. But we do talk about Circus Dick Syndrome and the FM radio stations we grew up with. So, that's something I guess.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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Somehow, we limit ourselves to only five strips this episode. Seems impossible, but we actually did it. Brooke (Dillman) found a short run on one topic that, while only five-strips in length, carried all the fury-inducing content of a dozen or more ordinary strips. The journey begins with Ginger (Xiulan's friend whom we met at Xiulan's wedding to Hugh) and Gerald (the guy from the wedding she's now apparently involved with), who is apparently her boss. She seduces him on his own desk and Xiulan walks in on them, informing them that all of the people in the building next door are watching them with binoculars. Neither of them has so much as unbuttoned one button, so they're as covered up as can be, but somehow this behavior is enough to encourage dozens of people to get their binoculars out of their desks (naturally, I suppose?) so they can watch them. Everything gets kicked up a notch when Edda and Amos try to introduce Fleurrie and Sven to Xiulan and Hugh. The simple introduction of couples results immediately in Fleurrie and Xiulan simultaneously sticking their tongues out at each other. Fleurrie adds, while she does so, "Mine's bigger," referring obviously to the size of her husband. Sven then asks Fleurrie about what he thought he heard her say, which was "mine's's bigger," which of course makes no sense and no one would ever say. Fleurrie assures him it was only a typo and the editor caught it. Sven is stunned to discover they have an editor (as are we), so stunned in fact that his eyes point in two different directions. Xiulan then sends a question to Uncle Ethel (Thorax), asking for clarification the apostrophe's in the word "mine's's" which she claims to have heard used recently. But of course no one said "mine's's" around her at all. She types her question to Uncle Ethel on her computer and he responds immediately from his manual typewriter, sending back a single character, which is either a comma or an apostrophe. Neither would work as a punchline, of course, and neither really makes any sense. But that's par for the course in a run of strips where two people talk about a contraction that literally no one said. I mean, what the fuck?

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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As it turns out, Juliette is a professor. But she's more than that, she's also a total asshole. She treats the new Visiting Assistant Professor -- or Vizassprof -- horribly, all for our entertainment! Because what's more fun than evergreen jokes about the upper echelons of academia? Nothing, if you ask ol' Brooke Mac-El-Dee. Here we get a solid ten-strip run of nothing but professorial hilarity, as a Vizassprof named Britneigh (spelled that way for literally no reason), comes to Juliette for advice? We can only guess that's what originally compelled her. Of course, Juliette is immediately a cunt to her, but then also has no physical boundaries with her and definitely crosses some professional lines. She touches her chin lightly, she grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her super close, she hugs her unexpectedly, and then brings up ear nibbling out of nowhere. Were this a male-female dynamic, no one would doubt that the professor was trying to viz this prof's ass. Zing! Good one, Jeff & Brooke! Mr. Mac-El-Dee has a lot, we mean A LOT, of thoughts about the underwear worn by female professors. But of course it's hard to tell whether his understanding of women's underthings is any more advanced than the understanding of a nine-year-old boy. After all, he uses the phrase "two-piece tiger thong," which is, in itself, nonsensical. But that's just par for the course here, guys. Just more of his typical bullshit.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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For some reason, Edda or Amos (here sometimes referred to as Edna and Otis) has gone through a wormhole and now Polly and Lolly are older. How much older? Well, we think The Master intended them to be some specific age (probably because he couldn't wait for them to reach the age of consent, because he is a monster), but the way they are drawn from strip to strip makes it impossible to tell what age that is. Are they supposed to be in their early 20s? Mid-40's? 30s? Also, is there a reason (other than poor execution of course) that they both now have black hair which is going gray? So very fucking weird. There seems to be no reason for Polly and Lolly to have "time traveled" from an "alternative reality" other than to come raid Edda's closet for dresses. (EDITOR'S NOTE: it's ALWAYS alternate reality, no one has ever said alternative reality...until now.) Of course, daughters wearing their mom's clothes is a regular thing in this strip and it ALWAYS makes the mom mad. For some fucking reason. There is so much creepiness and grossness here that it was upsetting for us, including (but not limited to) the strip about Polly and Lolly as children talking about how they enjoy watching their parents dream about having sex. So, yeah, totally normal shit going on here, guys. Look, on this episode, it probably seems like we're just jumping into the middle of an ongoing story while ignoring the necessary prelude. And in a way we are. But here's the thing: We go back and do the research and Ol' Bee Mac-El-Dee plopped us down here with no real explanation. Because he's Just. That. Good. There's a sequence a couple of weeks before this where Edda is launched off a swing into space, but that's as close to a logical explanation as you're ever going to get in this god-forsaken comic.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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What better way to start the new year than to take a look at the first Chickweed Lanes of 2024? Well, I guess it might be better to NOT look at them at all. But that's really not on the table for us, now, is it? Please excuse Jeff sounding like he's broadcasting from inside a tin can. He was literally inside a tin can. Once again, get ready to enjoy some smooth jazz segues, because the technical problems again befall us. But we soldier on and find ourselves back in the world of ear-kissing and the familiar restaurant booths with seat-backs of varying heights (and nothing on the tables of course). Xiulan insists that her husband Hugh kiss Edda's ear, which he does without hesitation. Polly and Lolly practice piano, which for some fucking reason bothers Edda. There's more about kissing ears, then Amos decides to kiss Edda's neck, which is so very difficult what with all of the fucking turtlenecks everywhere. Then we end our episode with more Polly and Lolly. It's shocking (or is it?) that a random sampling of the first 8 strips from 2024 give us all of the things that are so tiresome and annoying about the strip. That, we suppose, is the genius of Brooke Mac-El-Dee.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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After becoming convinced that Brooke Mac-El-Dee himself is listening to this podcast, we take a deep dive into his poor history with the ellipsis (and other punctuation). You see, in one strip, he makes a point of "educating" everyone about the use of an ellipsis. According to The Master, it is only used to indicated omitted words. And that is not only not true, it is also not how he has EVER used the ellipsis in his own work. In fact, we're not sure he has used it that way even once. So we go back through the strips we've already discussed and actually count the periods. (So many periods.) We also talk about a handful of strips where he "has fun" with punctuation with "hilarious" results. All in all, a fitting way to end the year.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here, or on Instagram by clicking here.

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It's the big day for Xiulan Ha'Penny Yuan and Hugh Portwhistle Godalming. For some reason, Xiulan has chosen Edda to be one of her two bridesmaids, because of course and why not? Look, Edda is a small part of a wedding that isn't her wedding, so naturally she's furious that someone else is getting all the attention. She has a plan to not only "go commando" underneath her cheongsam, but to "slink up the aisle like hookers short on crazy money." She thinks this would be a fun and funny thing to do at someone else's wedding. And I guess we are supposed to be charmed by this. Oh, that Edda! Typical Edda! What's not to love about her? Seth warns her and Ginger, Xiulan's friend and the other bridesmaid, not to do what they're planning, and Edda gets very mad about it. Xiulan yells at the two of them on the way down the aisle. Edda then sticks her tongue out at Seth, again, on the way down the aisle. Once at the altar, Hugh makes exclaiming "cor lumme" when he sees Xiulan. She makes fun of him for that. At the altar. But then tells him that she and her bridesmaids (who are sitting in the pews now?) are all going commando. They talk about this for a while. At the altar. Instead of getting the wedding going. The priest interrupts and then reveals he has also gone commando. We discover that other people have gone commando too. Then for some reason the priest gets mad about it.

You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here or on Instagram by clicking here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?