9 Chickweed Rage

So there's this whole string of strips where people send off, basically, angry "letters to the editor." Only in this case, it's people or entities that our beloved (?) Chickweed residents have had enough of. Juliette gets mad at the health care system and as a result shoots her computer full of arrows. Someone gets an "unsolicited letter" and throws their computer out of the window. Or the person sending the "unsolicited letter" throws the computer out the window. Or an unrelated person throws a computer out a window. Guys, it's not clear what's going on AT ALL in one of these comic strips. Amos shows what a super cool guy he is by showing he'd rather barf on his own computer than talk to children about what it's like to play in an orchestra. Thorax licks his computer. Why? Seriously? Why does anyone in this strip do ANYTHING? Juliette's husband moons his computer. And finally, Amos & Edda make out near their computer. The letters (and the reasons behind writing them) don't ever really make sense. We hate to be the ones to break this to Brooke McEldowney, but things that you do in front of your computer or to your computer aren't automatically conveyed through your computer to the recipient, at least not when you're typing. Anyway, one of these strips makes us so angry we can barely contain ourselves. All in all, totally worth it!

The computer shot with arrows and the computer thrown out the window are here.

How gelatin is made.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

So, the government really did bug Edda's bikini bottoms. And her response to that is to dangle her recently removed bikini from a window to confuse the agents of the Creepy National Furtiveness Agency (you know, the CNFA). Somehow, Edda knows to lower the bikini bottom down to the open window (she knows it's open somehow?) where two children are talking about inflatable office buildings. As if "inflatable office building" is a toy that children can buy and/or would be interested in for some reason. The children talking about "blowing up" these inflatable buildings convinces the CNFA that actual buildings are being exploded. So they arrest Amos & Edda (hooray!) only to let them go immediately (boo!). They explain that they overheard the plot on Edda's bugged bikini bottom. Edda, wearing a dress, explains that she is not in fact wearing her bikini bottom under her dress. Because that is something that needs to be clarified. Edda talking about not wearing her bikini bottom convinces the CNFA agents that she's likely not wearing underwear, I guess. So it short circuits their brains, because that's what women talking about undergarments does to men ALWAYS. Edda & Amos leave the short-circuited agents in their apartment and go to dinner. And at dinner, Edda tells Amos she's not wearing her bikini bottom and that short-circuits him too. Because men are incapable of hearing about undergarments without being paralyzed. Fun stuff! (Part 2 of 2)

Prince Valiant and the Hyena Girl examine the inflatable office buildings here.

The best of the Swedish Chef.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

Just another day in the life of Edda & Amos Van Hoesen, when a simple trip to the pool ends up with Edda hanging by a thread. A rope? A wire? Look, we don't know. She jumps off a diving board with SOMETHING attached to her bikini bottom and she ends up hanging there for about a week's worth of comics. Amos speculates that it has to do with government surveillance, that someone planted a bug in her bikini bottom. We are not making this up. This is what he says. And so we spend all week on this topic. Sure, sure, there's a brief moment where Amos gets a boner. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES! But does he ever make even the slightest attempt to help Edda down? OF COURSE NOT. He just continues to stare at her like a big dumb idiot. The biggest surprise is that he wasn't just making a goofy "joke" about her bikini being under surveillance. Nope, that's really what's happening. A government agency has put a bug in Edda's bikini bottom, and there's a (roughly) 200-foot cord attached that she somehow didn't notice. For reals. Yeah. We know. It's...it's something. (Part 1 of 2)

The bugged bikini saga begins here.

"At Seventeen" by Janis Ian

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

In order to fully understand the courtship of Fleurrie & Sven Spocket, we dive into an epic 10-strip sequence. Do we also talk about a handful of strips that we're not supposed to be talking about? Of course we do. Is their "romance" as disgusting and needlessly horny as we expected? Sadly, it is even more so. Yeah. We weren't happy about that either. Speaking of not happy, Brooke promised Jeff "4 or maybe 5" comic strips and then brought TEN to the table, making Jeff angry before he even looked at a single panel. Of course, Sven is slightly clueless about Fleurrie's intentions, because he's a male character in this godforsaken comic strip. But it's more than that. We discover that Sven is also a virgin who has been saving himself for his wedding night. We revisit Brooke McEldowney's habit of referring to sexual inexperience as a "new car smell." Which is so very, very gross. Only this time, it's a woman saying it about a man! So...hooray for equality? We don't subject you to the wedding, but we do dive into the honeymoon. Which is gross. Because: What else would it be?! Is there a strip that basically shows Fleurrie & Sven fucking? Like actually in the middle of fucking? You bet! It's supposed to be romantic, but it's obvious that Sven would prefer the company of livestock.

The first two are here.

The Girl From Ipanema

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

A few listeners had questions and comments, which led us to a week's worth of very confusing strips, even by this ridiculous comic's standard. Our goal was to answer their questions about what in the specific fuck was going on. There was a question about swings, and why the characters were on swings, and how old were they exactly, and also, seriously, what the fuck is up with this goddamned strip. Seriously. How do you go from a standstill in one panel to nearly flying off the swings in the next? But let's backtrack to the beginning of this story, a couple days earlier, where World's Most Romantic Couple are drawn as Hobbit-sized children, and they speak only of how they will have babies later. This leads us to our introduction to Edda's mother Juliette, who is infuriated (?) to hear that her daughter and her daughter's friend are discussing having babies at whatever age or ages they're currently portrayed at. Five? Eleven? Fifteen? Your guess is as good as ours. Is a conversation between two children about possibly having children when they get older awkward and gross? What? Are you new here? Of course it is!

The first three are here.

"All I Ask of You"

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

How do we decide which strips to look at each episode? Brooke uses a very scientific "process of rage." And so this episode we focus on talking about Edda & Amos, the most romantic and perfect couple the modern world has ever seen. What evidence is there of their amazing relationship? Well, Amos goes out of his way to make a terrible pun and Edda either punches him or hip-checks him out of the strip. (Who can tell which? Not us, for sure!) Not for good, unfortunately. Edda also gets sexy for Amos, who is obviously too stupid to pick up on simple cues like lingerie. I mean, he's a real idiot. It nearly makes Jeff lose his mind. In a special Sunday edition, Amos's sexual petulance finds a new level, inspiring Edda to (apparently) put his entire ear in her mouth. We are apparently to believe that Amos and Edda are NOT doing it doggy style on a dock. Yeah yeah, sure sure, it's just accidental that they're drawn that way. Finally, their newborn twins, Polly and Lolly (lord help us), use their powers of mental telepathy to discuss Amos and Edda's sex life. It's totally cool, guys. Very, VERY cool.

The first two are here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

This episode, Brooke brings four completely wordless 9 Chickweed Lane strips to the podcast. Would words have helped some of these strips? I think we all know the answer to that is: Probably not. We discover that Go Comics has three separate sections of this god-forsaken comic: 9 Chickweed Lane, 9 Chickweed Lane Classics, and Staff Favorites. From the Classics category, we see Edda dancing and Edda watching Edda dancing, if that makes any sense. Chances are it doesn't, which is totally on-brand. McEldowney's (almost certain) nudism is again discussed. Sven & Fleurette "Fleurry" Spocket are introduced, along with their calf, who is either their pet or lover. Both? Edda confuses a mysterious dog for her husband Amos. And finally, Edda dives into a pool for reasons that you seriously will not believe. We discover that Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) would forgive this comic strip if only every installment ended with a picture of a dog covering his eyes with a paw out of embarrassment.

The first three are here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to?

In the final part of this three-part horror-fest, we explore the romance (???) of Thorax and Esme. It's been an epic story arc. We recap our journey so far. And eventually end up walking into the ocean along with our May-December (of the following year) couple. Along the way, we awkwardly use the phrase "booty call," investigate Thorax's "bad touch" area, are mystified by hats, welcome a suddenly homicidal E.T. to our podcast, and watch Thorax finally clue into the fact that Esme likes him, which sends him (literally?) over the moon. If only it really happened. We also have to suffer through more of Brooke McEldowney's annoyingly florid dialog. Of course we do, because when don't we? It's fun to discover the new ways that Esme shows her love this episode, which includes romantic gunplay and farting.

(One caveat, we're not tech geniuses. And as we've recorded this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. We promise that they clear up. Eventually. Thanks!)

The first three are here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?

In part two of this three-part horror-fest, we continue to follow the romance (we guess?) of Thorax and Esme. We admit to Brooke McEldowney that we probably just don't get his very, very smart comic strip. Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) invents a new word while describing Esme's sudden and aggressive seduction of Thorax, which includes (of course) uncomfortable double entendre, sexy (?) grammar wordplay, and hilarious airport metaphors. Esme kisses Thorax A LOT. But he does nothing, until the very end, when he magically (?) does something very, VERY upsetting. At least to us. It probably gave ol' B. McE a boner. You know what? There's no probably about it. We also explore our theory that McEldowney is a weird college professor/nudist.

(One caveat, we're not super tech smart. And as we've begun this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. Thanks!)

The first three are here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?

Our long-awaited first episode! Is it the dumbest idea for a podcast? Probably!

We talk about our least favorite newspaper comic strip, 9 Chickweed Lane, written and drawn by Brooke (no relation) McEldowney. We kick this journey of rage off with the romance (?) of Thorax and Esme. According to Wikipedia, Thorax is an amiable elderly farmer, who is "brilliant and odd beyond all description." He also appears to be anwhere between 90 and 100 years old. The object of his affection is Esme, a policewoman who is definitely in her 30s. In this first part (of three), Thorax introduces himself to Esme and has a lengthy conversation with himself through a typewriter. It ends with a sigh and a cliffhanger. Which seems an impossible combination, but here we are.

The first three are here.

Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to?